英文小幽默（3）（在线收听）

蜗牛买跑车    snail and car

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".

The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"

The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."

Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.

The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

　　曾经有只蜗牛，它对自己动作慢的名声感到了厌恶和疲倦。他决心去弄些跑得飞快的轮子来改变这种境况。逛了一圈之后，它决定买Datson 240-Z。他去了最近的Datsun经销店，去买Datson 240-Z，但是它想把这辆车重新刷漆，改称240-S。

　　经销商问：“为什么是S呢？”

　　蜗牛回答说：“‘s’代表蜗牛。我想让每一个看见我呼啸而过的人知道是谁在开车。”

　　经销商不想失去把汽车卖给蜗牛这样一个机会，所以他同意收取些许费用，把车重新涂漆。

　　蜗牛开着它的新车，把自己的余生都用在了快乐地高速行使在告诉公路上。而不论何时任何人看见它飞驰而过的时候，都会说：“哦！看那S-car 。”

对不起，本店不找零钱

A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."

The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."

　　我和一个朋友在快餐店排队订餐，那里很醒目地写着，不接受超过20美元的大钞（请自备零钱）。
　　我们前边的一个女士指着这个牌子对我们说：“上帝保佑，如果我身上有超过20美元的话，我一定不会在这儿吃饭！”

酒吧里的猴子  The Monkey

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.

The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."

一男子去酒吧，点了一杯啤酒。他喝了一口放下。当他环视酒吧时，发现一只猴子荡下来，在他阻止之前，偷走了啤酒。

该男子问酒吧招待，这只猴子是谁的。服务员回答说是钢琴手的。男子走到钢琴手面前问：“你知道你的猴子偷了我的啤酒吗？”钢琴手回答说：“没有，但是如果你能哼唱，我会为你演奏的。”

时间就是金钱       Time/Money

　　As the taxi came to a screeching halt at a traffic light, I asked the driver, "Do you agree that 'Time is money'?"
     "Well, it's a very common saying. Who will care so much about that?" the driver answered.
     "Look, the digits in the meter are still running when the car has stopped, "I pointed at the meter.
     "Oh, yes. You've got a point here. In this case, time is money for both of us." added the driver.

　　出租车看因红灯急停刹车，我问司机，“你同意“时间就是金钱”这一说法吗？”
　　“嗯，这是人们常说的一句话，但是谁会把它当真呢？”司机答到。
　　“看，车停的时候计价器依然再走，”我指着计价器。
　　“是呀，你找到了一个好的论据。从现在这种情况看，时间对我们两个来说都是金钱。”司机答到。