Dear Annie: I am a 24-year-old female and have been friends with "Danielle" for 12 years. In fact, she is the only friend I have. Recently, I expressed some personal frustrations to her about my brother-in-law's lifestyle. Last weekend, he came to visit and was obviously angry with me, but refused to say why. My brother-in-law and Danielle converse often, and I am fairly certain she told him what I said. This isn't the first time Danielle has done spiteful things to me. I have even called some things to her attention, and she apologizes, but nothing changes. In the past, I have overlooked Danielle's underhanded behavior in order to save our friendship. I want to confront her about this latest incident, but don't know how to do it without hurting her emotionally. — Confidences Betrayed in N.C.

Dear N.C.: If this latest incident turns out to be Danielle's fault and you confront her, at best she will follow custom and apologize but change nothing. This is a toxic friendship, where you think it's necessary to appease her every time she hurts you. Apologize to your brother-in-law for whatever you may have done that upset him, and be cordial—nothing more—to Danielle. You need to branch out and find more trustworthy friends.