My sister and her husband have some habits that really turn me off when I visit. They leave dirty pots and pans on the stove for weeks. They allow used dishes, cups and utensils to pile up in the sink until it is overflowing. They have a dishwasher, but say it doesn't clean the pots very well.

When their kitchen trash can is full, it is pulled out from its spot and placed in the middle of the floor. From there, it becomes a trial of wills to see who will give in and take the trash out.

They apparently do not care about the health issues of all their bad habits. It is not like they are pressed for time to get these things done, as both are retired.

If anything is mentioned to them about the dirty dishes or overflowing garbage, they get angry and defensive. Other than not visiting or eating out every night, what do I do? － Disgusted in California

Dear Disgusted:

Your sister and her husband seem to be content with their level of cleanliness. Consider staying at a motel, or buy groceries and cook your own meals. If you are close enough to be an overnight guest, you should also pitch in and help by washing a few dishes and emptying the overflowing garbage.