得病以前，我受父母宠爱，在家中横行霸道，一旦隔离，拘禁在花园山坡上一幢小房子里，我顿感打入冷宫，十分郁郁不得志起来。一个春天的傍晚，园中百花怒放，父母在园中设宴，一时宾客云集，笑语四溢。我在山坡的小屋里，悄悄掀起窗帘，窥见园中大千世界，一片繁华，自己的哥姐，堂表弟兄，也穿插其间，个个喜气洋洋。一霎时，一阵被人摒弃，为世所遗的悲愤兜上心头，禁不住痛哭起来。

解析：

阅学生之译文，发现有一个问题值得注意，那就是如何在动笔翻译前，能迅速正确地确定英译的主语。如：

1.得病以前，我受父母宠爱，在家中横行霸道。

学生译文（以下简称“学译”）：Before the illness, I was much petted by parents, doing everything at will in the home.

学译：Before I became ill, I have received all the favor of my parents, just like a little tyrant at home.

参考译文：Before I fell ill, I had been the bully under our roofs owing to my doting parents.

我们知道，汉语表达大多为“意合”结构，结构松散，以一个一个看似并列的短句拼凑而成，彼此逻辑关系不明显；但英语则不同于汉语，它是形合语言，非常讲究句子内部的逻辑关系的“外化”，所谓“外化”，即使用Connectives来表现其逻辑关系。我国译界有一个著名比喻：汉语句子的结构像”竹竿“，是一节接一节的；而英语句子则像“葡萄”，主干很短，而“挂”在上面的附加成分则很多。可以说，汉译英的过程，是一个由“竹竿”向“葡萄”转换的过程。首先要确定“一节接一节”的汉语句子，选其中的哪一节为英句的“（葡萄）主干”。

上面的汉语原句就含有一定的逻辑关系。“受父母宠爱”是因，而“在家中横行霸道”则是果。“果”应是全句的重心，英译上句，“（葡萄）主干” 当选定“在家中横行霸道”而非学生译文所选的“我受父母宠爱”。

2.一旦隔离，拘禁在花园山坡上一幢小房子里，我顿感打入冷宫，十分郁郁不得志起来。

学译：When isolated and taken into custody in a small house on the hillside of our garden, I felt like I was abandoned, getting more and more depressed.

学译：As soon as I was kept apart in a small flat built on the hillside in the garden, I suddenly felt being consigned to limbo, gloomily and disappointedly.

参考译文：Feeling like being deposed into a cold palace, I began to taste the bitterness of depression and frustration immediately after I was segregated and confined in a small house on a hillside in our garden.

汉语原句有“四节”，哪一部分应该成为英句之主干？“我顿感打入冷宫”，还是“十分郁郁不得志起来”？学译都把“我顿感打入冷宫”处理为“主干”，而参考译文则反其道而行之。细细分析，“十分郁郁不得志起来” 和“我顿感打入冷宫”，两者也有主次关系。显然，“十分郁郁不得志起来” 为主，“我顿感打入冷宫” 为次。两者之间，不仅存在时间先后的顺序，而且还存在着逻辑上的“因果”。因此参考译文处理得当。另一个值得参考之处在于：“主干”（I began to taste the bitterness of depression and frustration）的前后均有附加成分，句子显出“平衡美”。

3. 一个春天的傍晚，园中百花怒放，父母在园中设宴，一时宾客云集，笑语四溢。

学译：At one dusk in spring, flowers were blooming wildly in the garden, my parents were holding a banquet, in which guests were gathering, laughters could be heard everywhere.

学译：On a spring evening, hundreds of flowers were in full bloom in the garden where my parents hosted a banquet. For a while, guests gathered in large number, laughing and talking, which could be heard clearly.

参考译文：On a spring evening, my parents gave a banquet in the garden where a profusion of flowers were in full bloom. In no time, a crowd of their guests collected and laughter was heard all over there.

汉语原句的“节数”增加到“五节”。译成英语，仍应确定正确的“主干”，两个“学译”不谋而合，将“园中百花怒放”，而不是“父母在园中设宴” 作为主干来处理。读来，给人一种观比萨斜塔的感觉。相比之下，参考译文则给人一种美感，散发出浓郁的英语味。原因很简单，参考译文选对了英译之“主干” （my parents gave a banquet in the garden）。另外一个值得记取的经验是：汉语原句出现了一个句号，因此80%左右的学生译文，也亦步亦趋硬性译成了一句，以上两句“学译”也不例外。复观参考译文我们发现，被处理成两句后从容之中多了些干练。

4. 我在山坡的小屋里，悄悄掀起窗帘，窥见园中大千世界，一片繁华，自己的哥姐，堂表弟兄，也穿插其间，个个喜气洋洋。

学译：I stayed in the small flat on the hillside, quietly opened the curtain, caught glimpse of the world in the garden, it was so flourishing：my brothers and sisters, male cousins, were coming and going through, everyone looked pleasant.

学译：In the small cottage on the hillside, secretly I opened the curtain to see the prosperity of the big world in the garden. All of them were delighted, including my brothers, my sisters, and my cousins.

参考译文：I, without being noticed, lifted the curtain in my small room, only to spy the bustle of a kaleidoscopic world down in the garden, and my elder sisters, brothers and my cousins, each full of the joys of spring, were shuttling among the guests.

汉语原句的“节数”有了空前的增加：八节。面对如此长的“竹竿句”，学译显得有点“技穷”，无奈之下，以上两句学译便依样画葫芦，照汉语原文的感觉走，见一句就译一句，不考虑“节”间关系，不分析时间先后和逻辑内涵。第二句学译甚至没有弄清“自己的哥姐，堂表弟兄”和“个个喜气洋洋”之间的关系，不明白“个个喜气洋洋”指的就是“自己的哥姐，堂表弟兄”，而错把All of them were delighted当作“主干”，而把my brothers, my sisters，and my cousins 用including 作为其中包含的成员处理。

复观参考译文，发现译者在落下译笔之前，对原句的逻辑梳理非常到位，因此确定主干也极为果断。“悄悄掀起窗帘”、“也穿插其间”分别作了“主干”，英译就站稳了脚跟。特别值得一提的是，译者在第一个“主干” （lifted the curtain in my small room）之后，用了一个动词不定式短语，表示结果，在这个动词不定式短语前添加了一个副词only，译文顿时生色！这说明，除了经过逻辑分析确定“主干”之外，能活用所掌握的词汇，也极为重要。我们初学英语之时，就已经学到：only to是一个很有感情色彩的表达，其含义是：不料竟会……；没想到会……。

5. 一霎时，一阵被人摒弃，为世所遗的悲愤兜上心头，禁不住痛哭起来。

学译：It was so quick that I felt being deserted by people and by the whole world, bursting into tears.

学译：I couldn‘t help crying bitter, with a feeing of being abandoned by others flooded in my heart at that moment.

参考译文：Quickly enough, I was thrown into a fist of sorrowful anger at being forgotten and discarded by the rest and could not help crying my heart out.

汉语原句的“节数”有四节。若对句中的最后两节略作分析，不难发现 “悲愤兜上心头” 和 “禁不住痛哭起来” 之间是一种先后关系，也略带因果关系，但总的来说，两个短语所占分量大致相同所以处理时，以使用并列句为好，没有必要强调主次。学译分别把 “悲愤兜上心头” 和 “禁不住痛哭起来” 作为主语，另一个短句作为修饰成分，但读起来感觉分句不是太简略就是太冗长。而参考译文的并列处理则摆平了这两个短句，读起来通顺流畅。

所以，在选定“主干”时，也应当避免形而上学的思维，选择主句的同时，还要深入分析以下句间真正的关系所在，在并列或先后关系的句子中，也不能强行设立一个“主干”，而弄巧成拙。