Lying to a Loved One

情人的谎言

What are the benefits of lying to a loved one? Whether we like it or not, our relationships are held together, not only by telling the truth, but also by knowing how and when to lie. And if the truth be told, our close relationships could not work without some degree of deception. No one want to hear everything, and telling the right lie at the rigt time is just as important as telling the truth when it comes to love and romance.

欺骗我们爱的人有什么益处吗？不论我们是否喜欢这么做，相爱的人总是要在一起相处。我们知道什么时候说真话或者谎话，也知道说谎的方式。如果说实话，那么我们之间亲密的关系可能没有欺骗。每个人都有不想知道的事，当涉及爱和浪漫，在恰当的时间说善意的谎言和说实话同样重要。

The most painful and hurtful thing you can do to someone usually involves telling the truth. Typically, the best way to hurt someone is by being completely honest—tell a romantic partner something that he or she does not want to hear. For instance, would any one want to hear the following:

爱人间，最令人不快和最具杀伤力的事情常和说真话有关系。典型的伤害别人的最好方式是完全说实话——告诉你的另一半他或者她不愿意听到的事。比如，没有谁愿意听到这些：

You are not as attractive as you used to be.

你已经不如从前那样有吸引力了。

I sometimes think about someone else during sex.

做爱的时候我在想别人。

I sometimes wonder if we should be together.

有时候我在想我们是不是应该在一起。

I have a crush on one of our friends.

我迷恋上了我们都认识的一个朋友。

And we are happier and feel close to our romantic partners when we do not have to acknowledge such painful, hurtful truths. In fact, we like it when our partners hide unpleasant facts from us. As long as we are not aware that partners are hiding things, ignorance can be blissful.

我们可以不用坦诚这些会让人不快，会伤害到对方的事实，这样我们会感到更幸福，彼此更加亲密。事实上，我们喜欢隐瞒彼此间那些不愉快的经历。只要不去在意对方这么做，我们就能收获喜悦和幸福。

On the other hand, when we really want to hurt someone we often say what we really think. Anyone who has been involved in a divorce knows first-hand how damaging the truth can be. When people are no longer concerned about keeping a relationship intact, the truth comes out fast and furious and it stings.

相反地，如果真的想要伤害对方，我们经常会说出自己的心里话。那些离过婚的人非常清楚说什么能够打击和伤害到对方。当人们不再想保持完好无损的关系时，真相就会喷涌而出，伤害双方之间的感情。

While telling the truth in a romantic relationship can often lead to a lot of hurt, pain, and suffering, deception is not a luxury; it is an absolute necessity. Deception serves as a "social lubricant," which sa