Do As the Americans Do

在美国学会入乡随俗

 

Be confident.“Confidence” is probably one of the most noticeable traits in the Americans. They show confidence in the way they talk, the way they smile, the way they dress and the way they walk. Living and competing with all these confident American students, I find it extremely important to be confident as an international student and instructor. As a student, being confident means you should never hesitate to raise your hand whenever a question or a point comes to your mind. Don’t mind if it sounds simple or silly. Otherwise you will never get a chance to speak in class at all. What’s worse, the professors may think you are not prepared for the discussion or you do not have your own opinion on the issue--this is the last comment any graduate would like to receive. Being confident for me as a foreign instructor means calmly asking the student to repeat what he or she has said if I did not get it. Pretending to understand what you actually did not may just bring yourself embarrassment or even disgrace. But the time I most need to be confident is when my students come to my office and bargain about the grades I have given for their speeches. (The course I’m teaching here is Public Speaking). Modesty is a trait highly valued in China, but it won’t be of much help here if you want to survive and succeed in a good American graduate program.

 

要自信。自信大概是美国人最显著的特征之一。他们在与人交谈、微笑、着装及走路的姿势中都表现出一种自信。与这些充满自信的美国学生一起生活和竞争，作为一个外国学生和老师，自信显得极为重要。作为学生，自信意味着有问题或看法时随时举手发言。不要去想这问题或看法是否太简单或可笑。否则你在课堂上永远没有说话的机会。更糟糕的是，教授们可能会认为你对课堂讨论没有准备，或认为你对讨论的问题没有自己的看法－－这是任何一个研究生都不愿意受到的评价。我作为外国老师，自信就意味着，如果我没听清楚学生的话，便要沉着地请他或她重复一下。没有听懂而假装听懂，可能会让你尴尬甚至丢丑。对我来说最需要自信的时候，是我的学生到办公室来争论我对他们所做演讲的评分（我教的课名叫“公共演讲”）。谦虚在中国是很受推崇的，可要在一个好的美国研究生院生存和成功的话，它帮助不大。

 

Be polite. Coming from a country known for good manners and etiquette, I certainly was not prepared for the embarrassment I experienced during my first shopping. The cashier said,“Hello, ma’am, did you have a nice day?” I looked around and behind before I realized that he was actually talking to me. Fortunately, I quickly figured out how to be polite in the American way. Being polite means keeping saying “Hello, how are you doing?” to anyone you run into anywhere--in the hallway, in the restroom or on the street. Never bother about how he or she is really doing. Neither should you bother others with your troubles even if you are not doing very well. People are just too busy to really care. Just remember to give your greeting even if you have no time to listen to the response. Being polite also means smiling to strangers you meet in the elevator, on the street, in the supermarket or mall. The safest way is to smile and say “hi” to anyone who has eye contact with you.(The Americans never use nodding as a way of greeting.) Of course, being polite also means expressing your appreciation verbally or via email or note whenever anybody does a favor for you. Never take any favor from anybody for granted.

 

要有礼貌。来自一个以礼仪著称的国度的我，对第一次去购物出现的尴尬局面毫无准备。收银员说：“你好，太太，你今天过得好吗？”我环顾前后左右才意识到他是在与我打招呼。幸运的是，我很快明白了美国人的礼貌之道。这意味着随时随地－－不管是在楼道里，还是在洗手间，还是在路上，不断对人说 ：“你好，怎么样呀？”。不用理会他或她到底怎么样。也不要拿你的事去烦别人，即便你真有不顺心的事。大家都太忙了，无暇顾及他人。只是记住一定要问候别人，哪怕你都没时间听完对方的回答。有礼貌还表现在你在电梯里、街上、超市或商场里向遇到的陌生人微笑。最保险的方法是对任何与你有眼神交流的人微笑并说声“嗨！”。（美国人从来不用点头来作为一种打招呼的方式。）当然, 有礼貌还表现在，不管什么时候什么人帮了你的忙，都要口头或通过电子邮件或便条表示你的感激之情。决不要把人家给你帮的忙看成是理所当然的事。

 

Be generous with your compliments. I wonder whether the Americans’ confidence has anything to do with all those compliments they give to each other all the time. Compliments are exchanged between parents and children, between husband and wife, between friends or acquaintances, on every achievement or advance, major or minor. On a daily basis, they tend to give compliments on others’ appearance. So be sure to be quick at finding out if anybody is wearing anything new or impressive and remember to say,“You look awfully smart in this new shirt!” or “I really like your jacket!” or “That bag looks real cool”. If you can’t find anything new, then you can simply say,“Hey, you look great today!” As a teacher, I have learned to give generous compliments to my students whenever they put a question to me. I would say, “That’s a really good question”or“That’s an interesting point” before I proceed to explain or give an answer, although the question may be ridiculous or foolish sometimes. There are certainly a lot of other things I’ve learned and adjusted to here, but there are also things that I know I will never be able to learn: shouting as a way of talking to your friends in the bar on Friday night, or driving at breakneck speed, winding down the windows of your car and playing rock’n’roll at full volume so as to deafen every passenger on the road.

 

多夸奖别人。我怀疑美国人的自信是与他们不断给予彼此的夸奖有关。只要有成就或进步，不管大小，父母与孩子之间、夫妻之间、朋友之间、熟人之间都会互相夸奖。在平日里，他们都喜欢夸奖别人的外表。所以，要善于及时发现别人是否穿了新的或令人印象深刻的衣服，并要记住说：“你穿这新衬衣真靓！”“我真喜欢你的外套！”“你那背包真够酷的！”如果你实在找不出什么新东西，你就干脆说：“嘿，你今天看起来真精神！”作为老师，我学会了不管什么时候学生提问都予以热情表扬。我会说：“这个问题提得真好”或“这个看法很有意思”，然后我再予以解答，尽管有时候那问题可能很可笑或很傻。当然，我在这儿还学会了许多其他东西，但我知道也有许多东西我永远也学不来。比如，周五的晚上去酒吧以喊叫的方式与朋友交谈；或以快得可怕的速度开着车，把所有的车窗玻璃都摇下，放着摇滚乐，把音量调到最大，让路上的每一个行人都震耳欲聋……