Things My Mother Taught Me

 

------Anonymous

 

My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done:

 

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

 

My mother taught me religion:

 

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

 

My mother taught me about time travel:

 

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

 

My Mother taught me logic:

 

"Because I said so, that's why."

 

My mother taught me foresight:

 

"Be sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

 

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM contortion:

 

"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

 

My mother taught me about stamina:

 

"You'll sit there'til all that spinach is finished."

 

My mother taught me about weather:

 

"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

 

My mother taught me how to solve physics problems:

 

"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

 

My mother taught me about envy:

 

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"