Mom: Now let's have fun! It's Mona's birthday.

Dad: Mona, I want you to go to the hardware store. I want you to pick up a five-pound bag of plant food.

Mom: No no no no, not now. No, we are celebrating.

Dad: Mona, it's a surprise! This arrived on your birthday. It's magnet therapy.

Mona: Magnet??

Dad: Shh~okay~quiet. Keep your voice down. Because I don't want this getting back to the FDA.

Mona: Why??

Dad: Why?? Because they can confiscate it, recede the shape of health. They can try to get rid of the shape of health.

Mom: Mona, don't upset your father.

 

 

Mona: I said sth about his num for the first time, when I was nine. "Hi, Mr.Jones! I'm glad you feeling better, nine times better than yesterday. Yesterday you were a two."

Mr.Jone: That's a nice thing for a kid to notice. You are a very good noticer.

Mona: Notice?? I'd wake up in the morning and think,"If Mr.Jones wears an even num, my dad will laugh today. If Mr.Jones wears an odd num, the new medication will work. He must know a num that could help!" But if he did, he didn't tell me. He was just one more neighbor that looked away. So I decided to egg his car every Halloween with five dozen eggs. "Hi, Mr.Jones."

Mr.Jones: Hi, Mona. So..um..why do you wear those nums around your neck like that?

Mr.Jones: I thought you knew.

Mona: "Knew? Knew what?" I was wearing an invisible sign of my own. It said:"Up yours, hypocrite!"

 

 

Mona: Levan? What's the matter?

 

Kids: It's the scurvy!

 

Mona: Scurvy?? Who told you that? Ann, Ann, what's wrong with you? 

 

Kids: My tongue was swollen! My tongue!

 

Mona: Your tongue? Oh God!! Your tongue? Danny, what's wrong with you?

 

Kids: Malaria!

 

Mona: Malaria? 911, I need to report an epidemic!

 

Ben: What about about chicken pox? Rickets? You know, you could do..you could do malaria next week. If you really do a consumption today. What do you think? Fatigue, cough, let me hear a cough! Yeah, get it deeper! Deeper! That's perfect! Band over, like you got gas. Yeah, go get'em! Good stuff, Elmer! It's like heavy gas!

 

Mona: What's going on??

 

Ben: We're life acting. It helps the kids understand symptoms for our health segment.

 

Mona: You..are..fired!

 

Ben: You barely say two words to me and then you fire me?