I didn’t mean to put all this sadness on you. I just find Christmas.. .difficult.”

　“Oh, Henry! I’m so glad you’re here, and, you know, I’d rather know—I mean, you just come out of nowhere, and disappear, and if I know things, about your life, you seem more...real. Even terrible things.. .I need to know as much as you can say.” Alicia is calling down the stairs for Clare. It is time for Clare to join her family, to celebrate Christmas. I stand, and we kiss, cautiously, and Clare says “Coming!” and gives me a smile and then she’s running up the stairs. I prop the chair under the door again and settle in for a long night.

　

CHRISTMAS EVE, TWO

　Saturday, December 24, 1988 (Henry is 25)

　

HENRY: I call Dad and ask if he wants me to come over for dinner after the Christmas matinee concert. He makes a half-hearted attempt at inviting me but I back out, to his relief. The Official DeTamble Day of Mourning will be conducted in multiple locations this year. Mrs. Kim has gone to Korea to visit her sisters; I’ve been watering her plants and taking in her mail. I call Ingrid Carmichel and ask her to come out with me and she reminds me, crisply, that it’s Christmas Eve and some people have families to kowtow to. I run through my address book. Everyone is out of town, or in town with their visiting relatives. I should have gone to see Gram and Gramps. Then I remember they’re in Florida. It’s 2:53 in the afternoon and stores are closing down. I buy a bottle of schnapps at Al’s and stow it in my overcoat pocket. Then I hop on the El at Belmont and ride downtown. It’s a gray day, and cold. The train is half full, mostly people with their kids going down to see Marshall Field’s Christmas windows and do last minute shopping at Water Tower Place. I get off at Randolph and Walk east to Grant Park. I stand on the IC overpass for a while, drinking,