1. I tried doing a backflip on flat ground, but I landed on my head.

　　2.I sent her a dick pick. It backfired spectacularly when she showed me hers which was bigger than mine.

　　3.I was flirting with this girl and I didn’t look forward so I walked straight into a lamppost.

　　4.When we were like 13 I wrote her a love letter and gave it to her. Her reaction : in whose name did you give it to me ? Like I was a fucking postman to her…

　　5. I drank 20 tequilas at once and puked and was driven to the emergency. We were together for 2 years.