and, even more crucially, I have to trust myself.  更关键的我必须信任自己。

Think about it: when you're in a position of not trusting,  试想一下：如果你处在没有信任的状况下，

what do you do?  会怎么做？

You overcompensate.  你会过犹不及。

And in my game, that means you overgesticulate.  在我的游戏里就是太多地指手画脚。

You end up like some kind of rabid windmill.  就像疯狂转动的风车一样。

And the bigger your gesture gets,  你的动作越大，

the more ill-defined, blurry and, frankly, useless it is to the orchestra.  对乐队来说反而越不明白越模糊简单说就是毫无是处。

You become a figure of fun. There's no trust anymore, only ridicule.  你就是个搞笑的角色。没有信任只有荒诞。

And I remember at the beginning of my career,  我记得事业初期，

again and again, on these dismal outings with orchestras,  在一次又一次跟乐队成员的出演中，

I would be going completely insane on the podium,  我在指挥台上几欲抓狂，

trying to engender a small scale crescendo really,  我只是想要一个小高潮，

just a little upsurge in volume.  只是音量的稍稍提高。

Bugger me, they wouldn't give it to me.  他们就是不给面子。

I spent a lot of time in those early years weeping silently in dressing rooms. 那些年里我常常独坐在更衣室里静静啜泣。

And how futile seemed the words of advice to me， 英国大牌指挥家科林?戴维斯爵士给我的建议，

from great British veteran conductor Sir Colin Davis who said, Conducting, Charles,  仿佛一点用都没有，他说：查尔斯，指挥家，

is like holding a small bird in your hand.  就像手握一只小鸟。

If you hold it too tightly, you crush it.  握太紧，会捏死它。

If you hold it too loosely, it flies away. 握太松，鸟就飞了。

I have to say, in those days, I couldn't really even find the bird.  不得不说那时候我还没找到这只鸟。

Now a fundamental and really viscerally important experience for me, in terms of music, 对我来说一个至关重要触及内心的音乐经历，

has been my adventures in South Africa,  是在南非，

the most dizzyingly musical country on the planet in my view,  在我看来南非是世界上在音乐上最惊人的国家，

but a country which, through its musical culture,  这个国家通过其音乐文化，

has taught me one fundamental lesson:  给我上了重要一课。

that through music making can come deep levels of fundamental life-giving trust.  就是通过音乐创作可以触及到能够赋予生命的信任。

Back in 2000, I had the opportunity to go to South Africa to form a new opera company. 2000年我去南非创立一个歌剧公司。

So I went out there, and I auditioned,  我去试镜招人，

mainly in rural township locations, right around the country.  在全国城乡地区招募

I heard about 2,000 singers and pulled together a company of 40 of the most jaw-droppingly amazing young performers,  从2000个歌手里我挑选了最惊为天人的40个组成了公司，

the majority of whom were black,  大部分人都是黑人，

but there were a handful of white performers.  有一些白人。

Now it emerged early on in the first rehearsal period  从第一场彩排就出现了问题。

that one of those white performers had, in his previous incarnation,been a member of the South African police force.   一个白人曾经是南非一名警察。

And in the last years of the old regime,  以前的时候，

he would routinely be detailed to go into the township to aggress the community. 他常常去镇上骚扰居民。

Now you can imagine what this knowledge did to the temperature in the room,  你可以想像这会让屋子里，

the general atmosphere.  气氛如何。

Let's be under no illusions.  让我们实际一点。

In South Africa, the relationship most devoid of trust is that between a white policeman and the black community.  在南非，最缺乏信任的关系就是一个白人警察和黑人社区间的关系。

So how do we recover from that, ladies and gentlemen?  诸位，怎样解决这个问题？

Simply through singing.  很简单，歌唱。

We sang, we sang,we sang,and amazingly new trust grew,and indeed friendship blossomed. 我们唱啊唱一直唱信任开始建立起来友谊之花盛开。

And that showed me such a fundamental truth,  这告诉我们一个重要事实，

that music making and other forms of creativity can so often go to places where mere words cannot.  音乐创作还有其他形式的创作可以抵达语言力所不及的地方。

So we got some shows off the ground. We started touring them internationally.  我们开始展露头角 去世界各地演出。

One of them was Carmen.  其中一个就是卡门。

We then thought we'd make a movie of Carmen, 我们接着用“卡门”拍了一部电影，

which we recorded and shot outside on location in the township outside Cape Town called Khayelitsha.  在开普敦城外一个叫卡雅利沙的镇上我们录制了这部电影。

The piece was sung entirely in Xhosa,  全部都是由科萨语演唱，

which is a beautifully musical language, if you don't know it.  如果你懂这个语言的话会明白这是个美丽的音乐语言。