That nagging dread of self-hood didn't exist when I was dancing. 对于自我纠缠不清的恐惧，在我跳舞时并不存在。

I'd literally lose myself. And I was a really good dancer. 我像是失去了自己。我是一个好的舞蹈演员。

I would put all my emotional expression into my dancing. 我会把我所有的感情投入到舞蹈中去。

I could be in the movement in a way that I wasn't able to be in my real life, in myself. 在舞蹈中，我能完成我在现实中自己无法做到的动作。

And at 16, I stumbled across another opportunity, and I earned my first acting role in a film. 当我16岁时，我无意中遇到另一个机遇，得到了我的第一个电影角色。

I can hardly find the words to describe the peace I felt when I was acting. 我难以找到言语来形容在表演中。

My dysfunctional self could actually plug in to another self, not my own, and it felt so good. 我感受到的平静，我那残缺的自我，终于融入了不是我自己的另一个自我，这种感觉真好。

It was the first time that I existed inside a fully-functioning self 那是我第一次存在于一个正常运作的自我，

one that I controlled, that I steered, that I gave life to.  一个我可以控制的、可以操纵的、可以赋予生命的自我。

But the shooting day would end, and I'd return to my gnarly, awkward self. 但是拍摄的日子终会结束，我也会回到我那扭曲尴尬的自我。