I don't want him to see me. 我不想他看到我。

Did you just openly wave to my ex-boyfriend? 你就这么大喇喇地跟我前男友打招呼吗？

Yeah, I always wave at him. 对啊，我每次都会打招呼。

He didn't die just because you stopped letting him touch your boobies. 他又没因为你不给他摸奶就变成死人。

Well, I don't wave to the guy at the record shop that you had sex with. 但我就不会跟你睡过的唱片行店员打招呼啊。

I had sex with the guy at the record shop? I should keep a diary. 我有睡过那唱片行店员啊？我真应该写日记记录下。

Oh, God, he's coming back. See what you started with your wave? 天啊，他要折回来了。瞧你手贱惹来的事？

I'm sorry. My hand is friendly. Ask any guy in high school. 抱歉，我的手超友善啊。跟我"有过一手"的高中男同学都知道。

I was gonna try and sneak by, but that just seemed so juvenile, 我本来是想偷偷溜来的，不过那样太幼稚了，

so here, "Do you guys still like me? Check 'yes' or 'no.'" 所以呢，"你们还喜欢我吗，请勾选是或否。"

So how's she doing? She's good. Really? 她还好吗？很好啦。真的吗？

Oh, by the way, the guy at the record store says hi. 对了，唱片行那男的让我替他问好。

Well, you tell him I said, "who are you?" 那你替我问他，"你是哪根葱啊？"

And I also came in because I wanted to make sure everything's cool with you and me, Max. 我来还有另一个原因呢，麦克斯，我想确认我们俩友谊不变。

I mean, you haven't texted me a pic of an unlikely animal friendship in, like, 48 hours. 你已经有48小时没有发给我非比寻常的动物友情图了。

Don't worry, we're cool. 别担心，我们友谊不变。

I just haven't been able to top the picture I sent of the monkey tickling a parrot. 我只是还没找到能赢过猴子挠鹦鹉的新图而已。

I get it. You have high standards. 我明白。你的标准超高。

Whereas, me, I see a black dog spooning a brown dog, and I pull the trigger. 而我是只要看到一只黑狗抱着一只棕狗，就达到我标准了。

Well, save that amateur crap for your mom, perhaps with an aunt and uncle cc. 那种低档烂图留给你娘看吧，说不定再副本抄送叔叔阿姨。

Ha, that is so me. Well, sir, you have raised the bar. 完全就是我会干的事。大师，你把标准拉高了。

I look forward to our next freaky/adorable animal pic. 我很期待下一张怪异又有爱的动物图哦。