Don't thank me. Thank the dice.They told me what percentage of my face to shave. 别夸我  夸骰子吧 骰子告诉我该刮多少比例的胡子

Why are you still doing this? 你怎么还在搞这个

Because it's working. 因为这很有用

In the past few weeks, unburdened by trivial decisions,I've co-authored two papers in notable peer reviewed journals,and I'm close to figuring out why the Large Hadron Collider has yet to isolate the Higgs boson particle. 这几周因为不用做琐碎的决定 我已经和别人合作在著名 同行评审期刊上发表了两篇论文我也就快搞清楚 大型强子对撞机 是如何分离出希格斯玻色子的

You left out, got chafed testicles because you no longer wear underpants. 还有个你没提  你蛋蛋擦破了 就因为骰子告诉你不用再穿内裤了

The dice giveth and the dice taketh away. 成也骰子  败也骰子

Is Raj out with Emily again? 拉杰又和艾米丽出去了吗

Yeah, every night for the last month. 嗯  这个月来每晚都出去

Wow, can't believe he has a girlfriend. 真难以置信他有女朋友了

Me neither. 我也想不到

Here's some other fun news on the Raj/Emily front. 我来爆点杰丽恋的料吧

He gave her a pair of diamond earrings and leased her a car. 他送了她一对钻石耳环  还给她租了一辆车

You're kidding. 真的假的

You think she's taking advantage of him? 你觉得她在占他便宜吗

Oh, of course not.She wouldn't do something like that.She's deaf. 当然不会 她不会做这种事 她可是聋子

Deaf women can't be gold diggers? 聋女就不会是拜金女吗

Handicapped people are nice, Leonard.Everyone knows that. 残疾人都人很好  莱纳德 地球人都知道

Yeah, I actually have information about Raj that would be helpful with this discussion. 我知道一些关于拉杰的事 也许对你们的讨论有帮助

Could you tell us? 你能告诉我们吗

Let's see. 扔了再说

Snake eyes. Sorry, bud. 两点  不好意思了

Wait, hang on.Doubles. Roll again. 等下 双人赛  再掷一次

Okay, get this. 好吧  听好了

It doesn't matter if he's showering her with gifts,because the Koothrappalis are vastly wealthy. 他给她买再多礼物也无所谓 因为库萨帕里家超有钱

What do you mean "Vastly wealthy"? 你说超有钱是什么意思

Well, "Wealthy" Means a lot of money. 有钱就是指有很多钱

Vastly Means even more. I'm not sure what's tripping you up. 加上个超就是有很多很多钱 这有什么听不懂的啊

Look, I know they have money. I don't think it's that much. 听着  我知道他们有钱  但没这么有钱吧

No, you're wrong.As you know, a few years ago, I achieved one of my lesser dreams and became a notary public.Well, from time to time,I notarize banking documents for Raj. 不  你错了 几年前  我实现了其中一个小梦想 做了一名公证人 时不时地 我要替拉杰公证一下账户记录

The Koothrappalis aren't just rich, they're Richie Rich rich. 库萨帕里家不仅是有钱  而是超超超有钱

Well, so how much is that? 那是有多有钱

About halfway between Bruce Wayne and Scrooge McDuck. 差不多介于布鲁斯·韦恩和斯克鲁奇之间(前者是蝙蝠侠  超有钱 后者是《圣诞欢歌》主人公  超有钱也超小气)

What the hell? The last time we went to the zoo, that son of a bitch made me buy him a churro. 搞毛 我们上次去动物园 那丫的还让我给他买西班牙油条

Listen, guys, I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude,but I need to go call Raj's sister, who I love so much.So vastly much. 听着  伙计们  不好意思  我也不想这么无礼 但我得打个电话给拉杰的妹妹  我超爱的那个 超超超爱的那个

Okay, so he's got money, and it's a few gifts and a car. 好吧  他是很有钱  买了很多礼物...还有车

And she got him to pay off all her credit cards. 她还让他付了她所有的信用卡账单

What? He paid off her credit cards? 啥  他还帮她付信用卡账单

Damn it, I could've dated Raj for a couple months. 我靠  我怎么就没和拉杰约会几个月呢

But I I wouldn't have, because I'm not that kind of girl.We should really talk to Raj. 好吧  我不会这样  我不是这种人 我们得和拉杰谈谈

He's not going to listen, he's in love. 他听不进的  他坠入了爱河

Can't figure out what to do? I remember those days. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to...stay right here. 不知道该怎么办吗 我也有过这种日子 而现在  请原谅  我不得不...继续留在这

Yeah, this is a bad idea.We should go.    这个主意太烂了  我们还是走吧  

No.I'm the one that introduced him to her.I've got to say something. 不行，是我把她介绍给他的 我得说点什么

Wow... 哦……

You're engaged to my friend. 你和我朋友订婚了

Hey, Bernadette doesn't mind where I get my motor running,as long as I park in the right garage. 伯纳黛特又不介意我在哪儿变得性致勃勃 只要别出轨  意淫也无妨

I can't believe you're engaged to my friend. 你居然和我朋友订婚了

Oh, here she comes. 她来了

Smart. Whisper so the deaf chick can't hear you. 真聪明啊  小声说  让那聋女听不见

Hi, oh, hi.Nice to see you. 嗨，很高兴见到你

Um, can we talk to you about Raj? 我能和你谈谈拉杰吗

She says, "Sure, what about him"" 她说  当然  他怎么了

Okay, um, gosh, how do I start? 好吧  哎  我该怎么说呢

Um, see, Raj is kind of naive. 那个  拉杰其实蛮天真的

You know, by letting him buy you a bunch of expensive things.And I I...Howard, focus. 比如  让他给你买了很多奢侈品 而我...霍华德  专心点

Tell her what I'm saying.    告诉她我说了什么 

Right.Are you a gold digger or not? 好 你是拜金女在找冤大头吗

Oh, uh, something, something,who the something do you think you are? Mind your own something business and go something yourself. 你他妈以为你是谁 我的事关你屁事 滚你妹的 (此处省略不礼貌用语 something=fucking)

Wait, I got this now. 好吧  我总算懂了

I'm so mad at you! 我非常生你的气

Okay, wait... 好吧  等等

How dare you ambush my girlfriend at the gym! 你怎么敢在健身房偷袭我女朋友

We didn't mean for it to be an ambush.Just, it's kind of impossible not to sneak up on deaf people. 我们不是想偷袭她的 只是对聋子  想不偷袭都不可能

And hey, since when are you so chatty? 你什么时候这么健谈了

I'm hammered. 我醉了

Raj, come here.This girl is trouble.I mean, what kind of relationship is it where you buy her gifts and she gives you sex? 拉杰  进来说话 她是个大麻烦 你们这算哪门子关系 你送礼物给她  她用性爱做回礼

The best one I ever had! 那是我收过最好的回礼

Okay, come on.You know you can do better. 好吧  拜托 你知道的  你还有更好选择

Ah-huh, I see what's going on here. 我知道怎么回事了

You and I had our crazy night together,and now you can't stand to see me with another woman. 你我共度了疯狂一夜 现在你受不了我和别的女人在一起了

Wo wo wo wo 喔……

I can't get mad at your feelings. 我不会因为你吃醋而生气的

I don't have feelings. 我才没有吃醋呢

Yeah, that's good.Keep telling yourself that. 是啊  很好 继续自欺欺人吧

He is cuter now that I know he's rich. 自从知道他是有钱人  他可爱多了

I have a surprise for you. 我有个惊喜送给你

Cover your eyes. 遮住眼睛

Open them. 把手放下来

It's a real ruby.It was a little expensive,but no one can put a price on love. 是天然红宝石的 有点贵 不过真爱是无价的

Although, the people at Cartier took a pretty good shot at it. 虽然卡地亚公司让真爱变得好昂贵 (卡地亚：著名奢侈珠宝品牌)

Oh, Mummy, Daddy. What a nice surprise. 妈妈  爸爸 真是意外之喜

No, it's not a nice surprise, it's a bad surprise. 不  不是意外之喜  是意外之怒

Penny called us. 佩妮打电话给我们了

Penny? 佩妮

She told us you're spending all our money on your new girlfriend. 她告诉我们  你把我们的钱 都挥霍在新女友身上了

I just got her a couple of things.She gives me things, too. 我只送了她几件东西 她也有回礼呀

Yeah, yeah, I'm a gynecologist.I know exactly what she gives you. 是  我是妇科医生 非常清楚她回的什么礼给你

You need to find a nice Indian girl from a good family. 你得找个门当户对的印度姑娘

If you keep seeing this woman, you're cut off. 你要是继续跟她好  就拿不到我们的钱

What? You're going to make me choose between the woman I love and the money I... have very strong feelings for? 什么  你们让我在深爱的女人 和强烈吸引我的金钱之间做抉择

It's up to you. 你自己决定吧

Well, I choose love. 好吧  我选爱情

You're an idiot.Love doesn't last. 你个笨蛋 爱情好比昙花一现

Well, he's going to find out eventually.Think about it. 他最终会发现的 好好想想吧

My parents are making me choose between money and you.I choose you. 我父母让我在钱和你之间作选择 我选了你

No, I think we'll have to return the car.And that necklace, yeah, that, too.But none of those things matter,because we have something better.We have love. 不  那车得退回去 那项链  也得退 但那些都不重要 因为我们有更好的 我们有爱

Oh, Penny, I hurt so bad. 佩妮  我心都碎了

I know, I know. 我知道  我知道

Sometimes I put the TV on mute just to pretend she's still with me. 有时候我会把电视静音 就为了假装她还和我在一起

But I can't watch the closed captioning without crying. 但我一看那隐藏字幕  就忍不住哭

Oh, I'm so sorry.I wish I could make you feel better. 我真为你痛心 真希望能让你心情好点

Seriously? I'm heartbroken and you're hitting on me? 什么人啊 我心都碎了  你还要勾引我

What?! No! 什么  不是的

Look, Penny, you're great,but I had a long talk with my parents,and they said if I date an Indian girl,I get a Maserati. 佩妮  你是个好人（著名的好人卡）但我跟父母长谈了一番 他们说只要我跟印度女孩约会 就送我辆玛莎拉蒂

Oh, cheesecake,you're just as good as a woman,even though I can't have sex with you. 奶油蛋糕 你跟女人一样美味 即便我不能跟你上床

Try throwing it in the microwave for a few seconds. 放微波炉里热几秒再试试

 

Should I use the rest room or wait until we get home?Come on, papa needs to void his bladder. 我该现在上厕所呢  还是等回家再上 小乖乖  爸爸需要排空膀胱

Oh, that's not what you want to see after three buttermilks. 喝了三杯酸奶之后  可不想看到这结果

Here you go, boys.I'll pick it up when you're ready. 账单来了  各位 把钱准备好了  我再过来

Thanks for dinner, buddy. 谢谢请客  兄弟

Yeah, real big of you. 是啊  你真是大方

Hurry, hurry, hurry. 快点  快点  快点

Oh, and don't cheap out on the tip.We all know you're loaded now. 小费可不准少给了啊 我们都知道你是阔少