It's called the Born Again Boat Ride. 这次水上之行称为"重生之旅"

Christian Quarterly gave it their highest rating five thorny crowns. 基督教季刊给予了这次旅途最高的评价五颗荆棘王冠呢

I do wish you'd come with me, Sheldon. 我真希望你能跟我一起去  谢尔顿

Well, Mom, if I did, it would be conclusive proof that your God can work miracles. 老妈  如果我去了就等于直接证明 您的神真的能造就奇迹

You're missing out.It's gonna be wall to wall fun.It's all themed. 这你可就错了 到时候欢乐肯定无所不在 全都有主题哦

There's Jonah and the Whale watching. 届时能看到"约拿和鲸鱼"

All you can eat Last Supper Buffet.And my personal favorite, Gunning with God. 你还能吃到名为"最后的晚餐"的自助餐 以及我本人的最爱  "神之恕击"

What's Gunning with God? I'm afraid to ask. 我冒昧的问一下  什么叫"神之恕击"

Oh, it is a hoot and a half.You write your sins on a clay pigeon,they fire 'em up in the air,and you pulverize them with a 12 gauge shotgun 说起来非常的有趣 首先将你的罪恶写在一个泥制飞靶上 再用机器把靶子弹射出去 然后你拿一把12发弹容的散弹枪打爆它

full of our Lord's forgiveness. 充满了神的宽恕啊

Frankly, Mom, I'm encouraged to see how advanced your group has become you are willing to sail out into the ocean without fear of falling off the edge. 老实说  妈妈  我很高兴看到你们天主教团思想进步了敢于出海 不再担心地球是平的 船会摔下去(暗讽《圣经》里多处暗示大地是一块平板)

For example,if Shelly was aboard, he'd write,Smart mouth on his pigeon,and then bam! 打个比方 如果谢利在船上  他应该 在飞靶写上"牙尖嘴利"然后来个五雷轰顶

The Lord giveth and the Lord bloweth away. 神予之 神毁之

Well, Mom, according to my itinerary for our weekend together,the fun begins with fried chicken. 老妈  根据我们以往周末的安排  欢乐应该始于炸鸡   

Sounds delicious. 听起来很美味啊

Good, 'cause I got you everything you need to make it. 很好  因为我已经帮你备齐了所有材料

You are in for a treat.My mother's fried chicken is why we had to buy my dad the extra large coffin. 你有口福了 我爸的棺材 之所以变成加大号的  就是因为我妈的炸鸡美味

Sheldon, she just got off the plane.She doesn't want to cook. 谢尔顿  她刚下飞机 她不想做饭了

Of course she does.Making me food is her way of saying "I love you"" 她当然想做饭给我吃  那是她向我表达"我爱你"的方式

Making me food when she's too tired to cook is her way of saying "I really love you." 在她筋疲力尽的时候做给我吃 是她向我表达"我真的很爱你"的方式

Actually, I wouldn't mind going out for a bite, Sheldon. 其实我并不介意出去吃  谢尔顿

Won't that spoil our appetites for the chicken you're going to make me? 吃那些粗粮 会坏了吃炸鸡的好胃口吧

All right, that settles it, we're going out.Do you like sushi? There's a great little place down the street. 好了  就这么定了  我们出去吃 你喜欢吃寿司吗  街上有家小店不错

I've never had it,but there's no harm in trying something new. 我没吃过寿司 不过试试新鲜事物总没什么坏处

There's a lot of harm in trying something new. 尝试新鲜事物坏处多了

That's why we test out drugs and cosmetics on bunny rabbits. 所以要用兔子来测试药物和化妆品的安全性

Sheldon, you're talking like a crazy person. 谢尔顿  你的言行像个疯子

Actually, I had him tested as a child. 其实  他小时候我带他检查过了

Doctor says he's fine. 医生说他很正常

Told you. 早跟你说了

Although, I do regret not following up with that specialist in Houston. 虽然我很后悔没接着去找休斯顿的那位专家

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state,then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait... 我们的宇宙进入了极热的高浓度状态，后来，140亿年前它开始扩张。等等……

The Earth began to cool,the autotrophs began to drool,neanderthals developed tools, we built a wall (we built the pyramids), 地球开始冷却，自养生物开始繁殖,穴居人学会使用工具，我们开始建墙（我们还建了金字塔）

Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries,That all started with the big bang!bang! 数学、科学、历史解开了宇宙之谜。这一切从宇宙大爆炸开始。

いらっしゃいます 欢迎光临

Stop yelling! 别瞎嚷嚷了

I'm not happy about this. 来这儿我很不开心

What's the last thing you were ever happy about? 你这辈子什么时候开心过吗

The prospect of fried chicken. 等着吃炸鸡的时候

This is exciting. 真令人激动

Back home, the diner on Route Four serves sushi,but it's just cut up fish sticks and a side of Uncle Ben's. 咱家四号公路线那的馆子也卖寿司 但他们只是把炸鱼排切碎 再配上"本恩大叔"牌速食米饭

They put it on the menu in those kung fu letters,but that don't make it sushi. 即使他们用"功夫文"写菜单 但假货就假货

Uh, kung fu letters might not be politically correct. 额  "功夫文"好像有点种族歧视吧

Oh, I thought the one we couldn't say was "ching chong" 我还以为只有"ching chong"是不能说的呢(ching chong:外国人模仿中国话发音  变相对亚洲人的种族诋毁的词语)

Yeah, yeah, that, too. 额  对  那个也不能说

So, Shelly,what's up with you and your friend Amy,if you don't mind a mother prying a bit? 谢利 你和你的朋友艾米进展如何了 如果你不介意妈妈窥探点隐私的话

Well, there's actually big news on the Amy front. 艾米的确有大进展

She's been studying the neurobiology of addiction in lower animals.She's this close to getting a starfish hooked on cocaine. 她在研究神经生物学中有关低等生物的上瘾问题 她就差这么一点点  就能让海星迷上可卡因了

Do you have any idea what's going on with those two? 你知道他们两个发展的情况吗

It's kind of like the Loch Ness monster.Maybe there's something there, maybe there isn't.We'll probably never know. 他们俩的关系就像尼斯湖水怪 也许事实存在  也许不存在 真相可能永远藏在湖里

But sometimes it's fun to creep yourself out thinking about it. 偷想这问题来惊吓一下自己  还是挺有意思的

How are you doing on the young lady front?I hear you're in some sort of a long distance situation? 你跟年轻女孩子相处得怎样 我听闻你被异地恋困扰着

Yeah, it's Raj's sister. 是啊  拉杰的妹妹

It's kind of tough.  She's in India.Also, her parents aren't happy she's dating someone white. 情况比较棘手  她远在印度 她父母也不希望她跟白种人交往

Oh, that's a funny turn, isn't it? 那真是个有趣的转机  不是吗

You never think about it going the other way. 在约会之前  你怎么没想过这个问题呢

Well, you can't force things.You need to figure out if you're in a relationship or if you're just calling it one.It's like they say  a cat can have kittens in the oven but that don't make 'em biscuits. 有些事情你强求不来 你应该想想你们是否真的是在交往 还是你们只是名义上的 就好像常言道  你可以把米放到电锅里 不代表米就会成炊

And that reminds me of another saying.You can lead a chicken to Crisco,but you can't make your mother fry it. 这提醒了我另外一句常言 你可以诱拐鸡跳炸锅 但不代表你能诱拐你妈去炸鸡

Sheldon, you pester me one more time about chicken,I will put you over my knee right here in this restaurant. 谢尔顿  你再拿鸡的事情烦我 我就把你按到我膝盖上  当众打你屁股

Please pester her. Please, for me. 求你烦她吧  就当为了我

So, Mrs. Cooper, what did you think of the sushi? 库珀夫人  你觉得寿司如何

It was good.The only thing that would have made it better is if it was cooked 很不错 唯一美中不足的是 它要是熟食就好了

and if it was beef. 要是夹牛肉 就更棒了

Sheldon, when is your landlord going to fix the elevator? 谢尔顿  你房东何时能把电梯修理一下

I don't know. 我不清楚

Lately we've been talking about converting it into a missile silo. 最近我们有在商量 把电梯改造成导弹发射井

Your son seems to think we need to launch a preemptive strike on Burbank. 你儿子似乎觉得 咱们得先对伯班克发动攻击啊

Get them before they get us. 先下手为强 后下手遭殃嘛

Hey, look who decided to show up. 看看是谁大驾光临了

Raj, what are you doing? 拉杰  你搞什么

I couldn't find you guys so I bought six new friends. 我找不到你们  就买了六个新朋友

Three, sadly, are dead. 可惜的是  有三个已经阵亡了

Mom, you remember Rajesh? Rajesh, my mother. 妈妈  你记得拉杰吗 拉杰  这位是我妈妈  

Of course.Mrs. Cooper.So nice to see you again. 当然记得  库珀夫人嘛 很高兴再见到你

Well, it's so nice to see you, too. 我也是

I thought it was our Indians that had the occasional alcohol problem. 我以为印第安人才偶有酗酒问题(印第安人和印度人都叫Indian) 没想到印度人也会呀

We don't say that, either. 这也带歧视  不能说

I'll make you a list. 我回头列个单子给你

Oh, that would be mighty white of you. 你真是太好了  不愧是白人

So, Raj, what pain are you trying to cover up with alcohol? 拉杰  你借酒浇愁是为了什么事

Nothing, I'm fine. 没什么  我很好

Are ya?   No. 是吗   不  我不好

That's better.Now tell me what's bothering you. 这样好多了 说说你有什么困扰

I'm so lonely. 我好孤独

Oh, yes, born alone, die alone.It's a tragic human condition.Now,  当然了  孤单的出生 孤独的死去 人类就是如此悲剧

Raj,if you'll excuse my mother,she's about to make a pecan pie that'll be so good I'll almost forget how she blew it with the fried chicken. 拉杰 你快别烦我妈了 她要去给我做核桃派 要是好吃 我就暂时不计较炸鸡的事

Sheldon, your friend is hurtin'.What do we do when someone's hurtin'? 谢尔顿  你朋友很伤心 这个时候我们该怎么做

Offer them a hot beverage. 给他们倒一杯热饮

And when they're drunk as a skunk,what beverage do we offer? 而要是他们喝得跟个鬼似的 我们该给他们什么饮料

Coffee. 咖啡

And what do we do it with? 还得要怎样

Now you listen to me. 现在你给我听好

I know you feel like you can't find someone,but there's a lock for every key. 我知道你感觉自己注定是剩男 但每个问题都有解决方法

Back home, there's a girl works at the Wal Mart. 以前有个在沃尔玛工作的女孩

Thought she'd never find a man,then one day, wouldn't ya know,Harlem Globetrotters come to town. 她觉得自己找不到男人但有一天  谁知道呢

Long story short,today that woman travels the world with a semi professional basketball player and two beautiful mixed race babies. 长话短说 现在这个女人和一个半职业篮球选手周游世界 还生了两个漂亮的混血宝宝

I didn't get a lot of that because of your accent,but the general tone was soothing and somehow I feel better. 虽然因为你的口音问题我没怎么听懂 但你的语气很抚慰人心 我感觉好多了

I'm not going to get my pecan pie, am I? 我吃不到核桃派了是吧

You want some Oreos? 你想来点奥利奥吗

Double Stuf?   No, regular.  混合夹心的吗   不是  普通的

Nice. Kick a man when he's down. 不错  真会在伤口上撒盐

I'm glad we're finally getting to do something together,just the two of us.     很高兴我们终于可以一起做点事情就我们两个人  

Sure.One thing you really miss when you're on vacation is laundry.  当然 出来度假还有衣服要洗  真是开心啊

Careful, you're using too much Downey. 注意点  你松软剂放太多了

You know if my clothes get too soft it makes me sleepy. 要是我衣服太柔软  我穿着会想睡觉的

Well, this takes me back.Me doing your laundry, you next to me criticizing. 这让我想起了以前的日子 我帮你洗衣服  而你在旁边碎碎念

It is nice, isn't it? 很有爱吧

Mrs. Cooper.Hi. 库珀夫人

Oh, hello, darlin'. 你好  亲爱的

Sheldon, you didn't tell me your mom was coming. 谢尔顿  你都没告诉我你妈妈要来

It was in my weekly e mail blast. 我在一周邮件集锦中写了的

Right between "Beet season is finally here"and "Uh oh, red stool from beets leads to cancer scare." 就在"甜菜季终于来了" 和"神马  甜菜根会致癌"这两条中间

So, how've you been? 你最近怎么样

Good, good. 很好啊

I hear that Leonard has a new girlfriend.How are you doing with all that? 我听说莱纳德交了新女友 你感觉怎么样

Oh, fine. You know, it's been a while.I'm getting back out there. 还好啦  已经过了一阵了 我已经重新开始物色对象了

Let me ask you, when you get back out there,are you wearing this? 我多嘴问一句  你物色对象的时候 不会是穿着这个吧

Well, it's super cute on.That top has paid for itself in free drinks like ten times what it cost. 这个吊带超好看的 全靠它别人才免费请我喝酒 省下的酒钱都够买十件了

Yes, Penny has a lot of her money tied up in promiscuity futures. 对  佩妮的钱基本都是靠滥交来的

Hon, you think maybe the reason why you're having trouble finding a guy to settle down with is because you're letting them ride the roller coaster without buying a ticket? 亲爱的  你也许该知道 你一直找不到一个合适的人 是因为你总让男人们先"上"车 而不让他们掏一个子儿

Oh, they don't always get to ride the roller coaster. 不是谁都有福分能"上"云霄飞车

Sometimes they only get to spin the teacups. 没福分的就只能在一旁  玩玩咖啡"杯"

Now I'm going out tonight.Would it be crazy to ask you to look at the outfit I'm going to wear? 我今晚要出去 要是我请你帮我选衣服 这样会不会太疯狂了

Oh, not crazy at all. 一点也不蠢

And don't beat yourself up.When I was your age, you could have me for a car ride and a bottle of strawberry wine. 别看轻自己我像你这么大的时候 一瓶草莓酒就能骗我出去兜风了

That will not be in this week's e mail blast. 我可不会把这个写进本周邮件集锦里