Yeah, it's "Penny already eats our food.She can pay for WiFi." 嗯  现在是"佩妮蹭我们吃的 无线网让她自己装去"

No spaces. 没空格

Okay.If you can't get me to stop eating your food,what makes you think you can get me to stop using your WiFi? 好吧 既然你们都阻止不了我来蹭吃的 你凭什么觉得能阻止我蹭无线网呢

I believe that you're capable of great change.Like when I finally got you to stop saying "Valentimes Day"" 我相信你还是会浪子回头的就像我当初终于让你不再说"情伦节"一样

You want to hear something weird? 有件很诡异的事儿想听吗

Sure. 当然

In the year 2000,Pope John Paul II was named an honorary Harlem Globetrotter. 在2000年 教皇约翰·保罗二世当选为哈勒姆环球队荣誉队员(由黑人组织的一个滑稽篮球队  巡回作表演赛)

What are you talking about? 你这说的都是些啥啊

You asked Penny if she wanted to hear something weird. 你问佩妮想不想听一些奇怪的事情啊

Yeah, because I have something weird to tell her. 没错  因为我有件很诡异的事情要跟她讲

Oh, I thought it was a game. 我还以为这是个游戏呢

What's yours? 你的怪事是啥

There's this guy, Jimmy Speckerman,who used to torment me in high school. 这个哥们儿  吉米·斯贝克曼 当年高中的时候老欺负我来着

He sent me a message through Facebook. He's in town and wants to have drinks. 他在Facebook上给我发了条信息 他就在本市  想找我喝两杯

Okay, Penny, if it were a game, here are your choices. 佩妮  如果这是个游戏  你有如下选择

An email from an old acquaintance,or the head of one of the largest religious institutions in the world slam dunking to "Sweet Georgia Brown." Pick. 来自老熟人的一封电邮 还是世界上最大宗教机构的领袖 在《Sweet Georgia Brown》的歌声中扣篮  挑一个(哈勒姆环球队的队歌)

Just do it, 'cause he's not gonna let it go. 选一个吧  不然他不会闭嘴的

Basketball Pope. 我选打篮球的教皇

And that's how it's done. 这才靠谱嘛

What are you gonna do about your bullyer? Are you gonna see him? 那个欺负你的家伙你打算怎么办 要去见他吗

I don't know. 不知道啊

Is this the fellow who peed in your Hawaiian Punch? 这就是那个往你的夏威夷潘趣饮料里撒尿的家伙吗

No, that was a different guy. 不是  那是另外一个

Was he the one who wedgied you so hard,your testicle reascended,and you spent your whole Christmas break waiting for it to come back down? 是不是这个家伙当初提你内裤太过用力 以至于你一个蛋蛋上提错位 你的整个圣诞节假期 都在等它慢慢滑下来

No, that was a different, different guy. 不是  那又是一个人

Was he the one who used your head to open a nut? 那他是不是那个拿你的脑袋敲核桃的家伙

No. 不是

Oh, oh, oh. Was he the one who made you eat your arm hair? 想到了想到了 他是不是那个让你吃自己手毛的家伙

No, but, actually,that was this guy's sister. 不是  不过其实 让我吃毛的是这哥们儿的妹妹

All right, well, what do you think he wants? 好吧  你觉得他想干嘛呢

I don't know. 不知道

You know, the holidays are just around the corner. 你看哈  圣诞假期快到了

Maybe he wants to see if he can lodge the other testicle up there. 也许他想看看能不能 把另一个蛋蛋也给弄错位了

I told you. That was a different guy. 我都跟你说了  不是这哥们

Hmm. That's too bad. We could have spent  New Year's Eve waiting for the ball to drop. 唉  真可惜  本来可以 零点倒数时会有一个球掉下来 纽约时代广场新年夜保留节目 在新年夜等着蛋蛋掉下来的

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state,then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait... 我们的宇宙进入了极热的高浓度状态，后来，140亿年前它开始扩张。等等……

The Earth began to cool,the autotrophs began to drool,neanderthals developed tools, we built a wall (we built the pyramids), 地球开始冷却，自养生物开始繁殖,穴居人学会使用工具，我们开始建墙（我们还建了金字塔）

Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries,That all started with the big bang!bang! 数学、科学、历史解开了宇宙之谜。这一切从宇宙大爆炸开始。

It's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing up? 凌晨两点钟  你还不睡在干嘛呢

Nobel Prize acceptance ceremony streaming live from Stockholm. 从斯德哥尔摩直播的诺贝尔颁奖仪式

Sure. You want to see what all the scientists are wearing this year. 是啊  你想看看 科学家们今年都爱穿些啥

Look at these men. They've managed to win the top science prize in the world with no more understanding of the quantum underpinnings of the expansion of the early universe than God gave a goose. 你看看这些人 他们成功赢得了国际科学界的最高奖项 可是他们对早期宇宙膨胀的 量子基础的理解 还不如傻子懂得多

You should pay attention, Leonard. Someday this could be you up there. 你该看看的  莱纳德 哪天搞不好上台领奖的是你

Thanks. 多谢

So, what's got you up? 那你为啥醒了呢

Did you have a bad clam? 蛤肉吃坏肚子了吗

I didn't have clams. 我都没吃蛤肉

I don't watch you 24 hours a day.I don't know what you do. 我又没有时刻盯着你 谁知道你都干了些啥呢

It's this Jimmy Speckerman thing. 还不是因为吉米·斯贝克曼的事儿

I can't decide if I should agree to see him or not.Of course that might be because the last time I ran into him,he made me floss with my own shoelaces. 我犹豫到底要不要去见他 当然也许是因为我上次碰到他的时候 他强迫我拿鞋带当牙线用

Wear loafers. 这次记得穿路夫鞋（没有鞋带）

Look at Dr. Saul Perlmutter up there,clutching that Nobel Prize.What's the matter, Saul?You afraid someone's going to steal it? Like you stole Einstein's cosmological constant? 你看看索尔·珀尔马特 （加州大学伯克利分校教授 因观察超新星而发现宇宙加速膨胀获2011年诺贝尔物理学奖）紧紧地抓着奖杯你怎么了啊  索尔 怕人偷还是怕人抢啊 就像你偷了爱因斯坦的宇宙常数一样一样对吧

You know what?I am tired of living in fear of this guy. 你知道吗 我受够了总是害怕这家伙了

I'm gonna go see him and finally say all the things I should have said in high school. 我要去见他  然后把所有 该在高中时告诉他的话都说出来

You know, "Pick on someone your own size" 比如  "找个跟你块头差不多欺负看看"

You did not have sex with my mother. 你没跟我妈上过床

And "Yes, I do know why I'm hitting myself." 还有"嗯  我还真就知道我为啥在打自己"

Oh, now Perlmutter's shaking the king's hand. 珀尔马特现在在跟瑞典国王握手了

Yeah, check for your watch, Gustaf.He might have lifted it. 小心你的手表哦  国王陛下 没准儿就被他给顺走了

I love this dress. 我好喜欢这条裙子

How come I never see you wear it?'Cause when I wear it, it's a shirt. 为啥从来没见你穿过呢 因为我一直把它当上衣穿

So, what's Howard doing tonight? 霍华德今晚在干嘛

Oh, they all went with Leonard to confront his childhood bully. 他们都一起去见那个小时候欺负莱纳德的恶霸了

Oh, terrific.High school quarterback against four mathletes. 有意思 高中的四分卫对阵四个数学呆子

When Leonard gets back, I'd love to check his serotonin levels. 等莱纳德回来的时候 我想检测一下他体内的血清素水平(血清素含量低时时更具有攻击性)

Do you think he'd let me draw a syringe full of his blood? 你觉得他会让我抽他一管血吗

Hmm, he's not crazy about needles,but if you get him to go jogging,it'll just pour out of his nose. 他不喜欢针头 但你要是让他去跑步他的鼻子就会自动喷血了

I don't think I can meet the girl who was always mean to me. 我肯定不敢去见 一直欺负我的人

Tammy Bodnick. 泰咪·勃妮克

One time while I was in gym class,she stole all my clothes and left an elf costume in my locker. 有一次上体育课 她偷了我的所有衣服 只在我柜子里留了一件精灵装

Oh, that's awful. 太悲剧了

Worst part was, it was too big. 最悲剧的是  精灵装太大

That's nothing. 这不算什么

In ninth grade, the girls put Rogaine in my hand lotion. 九年级的时候  那些女生在我的护手霜里下洛盖尼(生发剂)

Within six months, the nicknames began to fly.I think the one that hurt the most was Gorilla Fingers Fowler. 不到六个月  花名就满天飞了 最伤人的一个应该是猩猩手福勒

Wow. You poor thing. 两个可怜的小姑娘

 What about you? 你呢

Oh.I don't know. I guess my school was a nice place.We didn't really have bullies. 我啊不知道哦  我们学校挺好的 没有什么恶霸

Come on, no one ever gave anyone mean nicknames or picked on them or put gum in their hairy knuckles so the school nurse had to use peanut butter to get it out? 不是吧  从来没有人给别人取花名 捉弄别人  在长毛的指节上粘口香糖 搞得校医只能用花生酱才能弄下来?

No, we weren't really like that.I mean, look, we played pranks on each other,but it was never mean. 没有  我们不会那样我们虽然会戏弄对方 但都是闹着玩的

Like, okay, this one girl, Kathy Geiger,got really good grades, so we blindfolded her,tied her up and left her in a cornfield overnight. 比如有个女生  凯西·盖格 考试经常得高分  于是我们蒙上她的眼睛把她五花大绑到玉米地  留她在那过夜

Oh, my God, that's awful. 天啊  太过分了

No, it was funny. Everyone laughed. 才怪  好玩着呢  大家都笑了

Did Kathy Geiger laugh? 凯西·盖格笑了吗

Uh, probably. It's hard to say.She kind of had an ear of corn in her mouth. 不知道  很难说 她嘴里塞满了玉米穗

Who would have thought Fuzzy Fingers Fowler is best friends with a bully? 谁能想到 当年的毛手福勒现在变成恶霸的闺蜜

What? I was not a bully. 什么  我才不是恶霸

Kind of sounds like you were. 可听着感觉你以前是

And maybe a felon. 说不定还是个头头

Shh. That's how you wind up in a cornfield. 嘘  你想去玉米地过夜吗

Is that him over there? 那边那个是他吗

No. 不是

How about that guy? 那个呢

He looks like he'd hate you. 他貌似很恨你

You know, I can really do this by myself. 你们其实不用来  我自己能搞定

Hey, we're here to support you, buddy. 兄弟  我们是来挺你的

No, you're not. You're here to see if I get my underwear pulled over my head. 才怪  你们只是来看我 会不会被他扯内裤盖到头上

You wore underwear? You fool. 你居然穿内裤来  你个白痴

So, have you figured out what you're going to say to him? 你想好怎么跟他说了吗

You bet. I am going to make him apologize for all the crap he pulled on me in school. 废话  他以前在学校这么欺负我 我要让我向我道歉

That's quite a list. 这单子真长

I can't read your handwriting. What's that word? 我看不懂你写的字 这是什么字啊

Scrotum. 阴囊

What's that one? 那这个呢

Uh, "Stapled." 钉

Leonard. 莱纳德

Oh, hi. 嗨

Holy crap, man, it's good to see you. 我的天哪  老兄  好久不见

Yeah. You, too. Uh, Jimmy, this is Sheldon and Raj and Howard. 好久不见  吉米  这几位是 谢尔顿  拉杰  霍华德

Hi. Fellas... Hey, can I get a beer? 你们好  喂  来瓶啤酒

Wow. Look at you.Little Leonard Hofstadter.I hear you're a bigtime scientist now. 哇  瞧瞧你 小不点莱纳德·霍夫斯塔德 我听说你现在是大科学家了

And there's the first zinger. Ouch. 这就开始讽刺了  真伤人

I'm doing okay, I guess. 我现在马马虎虎啦

Okay? Come on, I read online you're a physicist at a university, 不是吧  我在网上看到 你现在是一所大学的物理学家 你还得了奖呢

The Newcomb medal. 纽科姆奖

Yeah, congratulations. 对  恭喜恭喜

Congratulations?The Newcomb medal? Oh, please. 恭喜? 纽科姆奖哦  拜托

That's the scientific equivalent of a smiley face sticker on your homework. 那在科学界相当于 小学作业本上得了朵小红花

From what I read, it sounded like a big deal. 在我看来挺威风的

Oh, good Lord, are we going to stand here and listen to him tear Leonard apart like this? 老天  我们就站在这里 听他用言语羞辱莱纳德吗

Hey, I won a Newcomb medal, too. 喂  我也赢过纽科姆奖

My point. 我说得很清楚啦

You should have seen this guy back in the day.Huh? He was so little, he could fit in just about anywhere. Lockers, trash cans.Oh, man, how did you get inside that backpack? 你们真该看看这家伙小时候的样子 他个子小得  搁哪里都能塞进去柜子啦  垃圾桶啦 老兄  你怎么钻进那个背包的

Oh, I can't take all the credit. You helped a lot. 功劳不全在我你可是帮了大忙

 Yeah. We were practically a comedy team. 对 咱俩简直就是个搞笑队伍

Like the Black Death and Europe. 就像黑死病席卷欧洲一样

Jimmy, I'm kind of curious why you wanted to see me. 吉米  我很好奇你为什么想见我

Okay, here it is. 是这样的

I have this great moneymaking idea.I just need a gear head to get it to the finish line. 我想到一个绝佳的赚钱点子 现在只差一个机械行家来完成

Technically, Howard's the gear head.Leonard's just a dime store laser jockey. 严格来说  霍华德才是机械行家 莱纳德只是低级的激光操作员

What's the idea? 什么赚钱点子

This is just between us, right? 这点子不能外传啊

 Right.  Okay. 行  好

What do you think about a pair of glasses that makes any movie you want into 3D? 你们觉得一副能让任何电影 变得立体的眼镜怎么样

That sounds amazing.First movie I'm watching Annie. 那太帅了 我第一个要看的电影就是《安妮》(90年代家庭歌舞剧)

How exactly would these glasses work? 这种眼镜怎么做

How the hell should I know? That's why I need a nerd. 我要是知道还用得着找一个书呆子吗

I don't think something like that's even possible. 我觉得这玩意儿行不通

Aw, come on, you can figure it out.You're like the smartest guy I've ever known. 拜托  你一定有办法的 你是我认识的最聪明的人了

The smartest...?! All right, 最聪明的  好吧

Leonard, you can't live in fear of this man forever. 莱纳德  你不能永远活在对这个人的恐惧之下

Sheldon, I got this. 谢尔顿  我自己能处理

You clearly don't. 你显然不能

Sheldon... 谢尔顿

Leonard, I platonically love you, man,but face it, you're a mess. 莱纳德  在精神上我还是挺喜欢你的  兄弟 但是请你面对现实  你就是一团糟

I don't understand. 我都糊涂了

I think what he's trying to say is that maybe in high school you picked on me a little bit. 我想他要说的是  或许在高中时 你有点欺负我

A little bit? The man super glued Hershey's Kisses to your nipples. 有点儿 这家伙把好时之吻巧克力用超能胶粘在你的乳头上

That's funny because those aren't the kind of kisses you want on your nipples. 有意思的是  高中时期你的乳头 要的可不是巧克力的吻

What is that? 那张纸是什么

This is a list of your heinous acts against Leonard. 这张单子上列满了你对莱纳德做过的可憎行径

One of which is certainly the cause 其中肯定有一项导致他

of him wetting his bed well into his teens. 直到十几岁了还尿床

14 is not... Aw, never mind. 十四岁不算是  算了

What's this word? 这个是什么字

Nancy. 南希

You called me Nancy for three years. 你管我叫"南希"叫了三年

You really need to work on your penmanship. 你真该好好练练字了

Oh, man, I... 天啊  我

I don't know what to say. 我不知道该说什么了

I always thought we were just having some fun. 我一直以为我们都乐在其中

It wasn't fun for me. 我可一点都乐不起来

You're being too kind, Leonard. 你用词太客气了  莱纳德

You ruined him. 你把他给毁了

Come on, guys. 走吧  伙计们

That was pretty badass, dude. 你刚才还真厉害  兄弟

I help the weak.It's yet another way I'm exactly like Batman. 我向来帮助弱者 又一次证明了我就是蝙蝠侠在世

Hey, for the record, Jimmy wasn't the reason I wet the bed.That one has my mother written all over it. 澄清一下  害我尿床的人不是吉米 那都是我妈害的