My fiance's wearing a magic ring, too.It made all my money disappear. 我未婚妻也戴着一个神奇的环 把我的钱都变没了

Oh, ah, right. 哦  对

And now, the great Howdini's next miraculous illusion. 现在请看  奇妙霍迪尼的 下一个神奇幻术 (昵称来自大魔术师胡迪尼)

When are we gonna have cake? 我们什么时候能吃蛋糕

After you've been thoroughly amazed. 等你们完全被惊叹之后

But we want cake now. 我们现在就想吃

Well, you're not getting cake right now, capisce? 现在不给你们吃  懂了没

Okay. Okay. 好了好了

Now, my lovely assistant is going to bring me an ordinary pitcher of milk. 现在  我可爱的助手将递给我 一大罐普通的牛奶

I know how you do that trick. 我知道这个魔术是怎么变的

Do you know how to pipe down? 那你知道怎么把嘴闭上吗

Okay, we're going to roll up this newspaper. 好了  现在我要把 这张报纸卷起来

It's a fake pitcher. 那个牛奶罐是假的

You got wax in your ears?The man said it's an ordinary pitcher. 你耳朵被耳屎堵上了是吗 这男人都说了这是个普通的罐子

Howdini. 霍迪尼

Okay, we're going to stick this in here.And then I'm going to pour in the milk.I hope this works,because I didn't bring a change of pants. 好的  现在我要把报纸塞进这里然后把牛奶倒进去 但愿这个魔术会成功 我可没带多余的裤子来换

Look, I Googled it.It's a fake pitcher. 你看  我谷歌过了 那就是个假罐子

That's it.No cake for you.Anyone else want to join the No Cake Club? 够了你今天没蛋糕吃了 还有谁也不想吃蛋糕的

She's just kidding, boys and girls.Everyone gets cake. 她只是开玩笑而已的  孩子们 每个人都有蛋糕吃

Not him. 他不许

Just give me the pitcher. 把罐子给我

Behold! 看好啦

Wrong pitcher. 带错罐子了

I told you I'm not good with kids. 我就说我跟小孩处不好嘛

Yes, you did. 的确

Oh, I think my crotch is starting to curdle. 我的裤裆好像开始结乳块了

The thing is, my mother worked fulltime.I had to take care of my brothers and sisters. 是这样的  小时候我妈工作忙 弟弟妹妹们都是由我照顾

Yeah, so? 所以呢

Ugh, it was horrible!With their snotty noses and their poopy diapers and their little shrieky voices, always complaining. 那简直糟透了 又得给他们擦鼻涕  又得换尿布整天听着他们扯着嗓子抱怨

I don't want to get dressed.Joey keeps spitting in my mouth.This isn't the way Mom makes waffles.Well, okay, put your hand in here.Let's see how you like this waffle! 我不想穿衣服 乔伊老是往我嘴里吐口水 妈妈不是这样做华夫饼的 好吧  那你就把手放进烤饼机里 看你喜不喜欢这焦手饼

All right, settle down.Red light.Red light, red light!Okay, we're fine. 好了  冷静点红灯 红灯  红灯 没事儿  没撞

I'm sorry.I know it makes me sound like a bad person,but I just don't like children. 对不起 我知道这话会让我听起来像是个恶人 但我真的不喜欢小孩

Yeah, no, we all got that. 不  这点我们都心知肚明

But don't you think it'll be different when the child is ours? 但是你不觉得如果是亲生的孩子 情况就会不一样了吗

Right, when it's our kid that's ruined my body and kept me up all night and I've got no career and no future and nothing to be happy about for the next 20 years,sure, that'll be completely different. 是啊  等咱们的孩子毁了我的体型 吵着我睡不了觉  害得我没工作没前途 而且在未来的二十年里毫无幸福可言 情况当然是不一样了

Well, yeah. 是啊

I don't think there's anything in this jewelry store that Amy would appreciate more than the humidifier we were just looking at at Sears. 这间珠宝店里的任何一件珠宝 都不可能比刚才 看的那台增湿器更让艾米满心欢喜了

Oh, my God, now I know what I sound like to you when I say stupid stuff. 天啊  我算是知道我说傻话时 你的感受了

Ooh, a pocket watch. 怀表

Okay, I don't think Amy wants a pocket watch. 好吧  我不认为艾米会喜欢怀表

No, but maybe she wants a man with a pocket watch. 也许不会  但也许她会喜欢戴怀表的男人

Still saying stupid stuff. 还在说傻话

Does she like bracelets? 她喜欢手镯吗

Well, she's very fond of her silver one that says "Allergic to penicillin." 她很喜欢她那个刻着 青霉素过敏的银手镯

Maybe they have a dressier version of that? 没准他们这有差不多但是更讲究点的

Well, how are we doing this afternoon?Are we looking for anything special? Perhaps a ring for the lady? 下午好呀 你们有什么特别的需要吗 没准给这位美女买个戒指

Trust me, we are not a couple. 拜托  我们才不是情侣

Excuse me. I don't see why you get to snort derisively and point that out.You'd be lucky to land a fella like me. 不好意思 该嗤之以鼻的是我吧  哪轮得到你 你要是泡到我这样的男人  得谢天谢地了

Fine, go ahead. 好吧  你说

Trust me, we are not a couple. 拜托  我们才不是情侣

My apologies. How can I help you today? 抱歉  有什么可以帮到二位的吗

He's in trouble with his girlfriend and needs to buy her a present. 他跟他女朋友吵架了 所以想给她买个礼物

Great, trouble with girlfriends is what's putting my daughter through USC. 好的  就是靠着男人买道歉礼物 我才供得起我女儿读大学的

Ooh, are these real diamonds? 这是真的钻石吗

Yes. Channel set baguettes, 20 points total weight. 是的  槽镶长钻  总重二十分(一克拉等于一百分)

Remarkable.Diamonds, crystallized carbon. Every day, people go to the grocery store and come home with sacks full of carbon in the form of charcoal briquettes that they toss in their barbeques and set on fire. 真神奇 钻石  不过就是结晶状的碳而已 人们每天去杂货店 买回家的也是碳 只不过是被人丢进烤炉 当火源的炭块

But just because you've got some carbon with the atoms stacked neatly,you expect me to plunk down thousands of dollars. 可你这只不过有几块 分子排列整齐的碳 你就指望我扔下几千美金来买

Actually, that's only 750.Everything's on sale. 实际上售价只有七百五十美金而已 所有商品都打折

Really. Talk to me about that pocket watch. 真的吗  给我介绍一下那块怀表吧

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it.I always thought I'd be a dad someday. 我还在琢磨那件事呢 我一直觉得我某天会当上爸爸的

Oh, me, too.You're so caring.I've often pictured you guiding a young boy into manhood. 我也这么觉得 你好有爱 我脑海常浮现你把男孩抚育成男人的画面

There you go, Howard.Sounds like Raj'll have your babies; problem solved. 太好了  霍华德 看来拉杰会替你生孩子的  问题解决了

Hey, just because a man shows caring for another man doesn't mean he's displaying the love that dare not speak its name. 一个男人对另一个男人表示关心 并不意味着是在向他表达 那种禁忌之爱

Did she definitely say she didn't want kids? 她明确说了不想要孩子吗

Yeah, she doesn't like them. 是啊  她十分不喜欢孩子

And from what I saw, the feeling was mutual. 据我看来  孩子们也不喜欢她

What are you gonna do? 你打算怎么办

I don't know.I can't see a life where I don't have kids. 我不知道 我无法想象没有孩子的人生

I mean, people have kids.I mean, even Donkey Kong had Donkey Kong Jr. 谁都有孩子啊 就连大金刚都有个娃  小大金刚

So he could teach someone how to kidnap princesses and throw barrels at Italian plumbers. 有个孩子能让他教导如何绑架公主(皆为经典任天堂游戏角色) 和怎么朝那意大利籍水管工丢木桶 (皆为大金刚经典游戏内容 绑架公主与朝水管工马里奥丢木桶)

You know, there's no guarantee even if you have kids that you're going to like them. 但即使你有了孩子  也无法保证 你就一定会喜欢他们啊

Wow, that's rough. Where'd you get that? 太可怕了  你从哪得来这感触的

It's right off the dust jacket of my mom's last book. 我妈最新着作封面上就写了这句话

Maybe me and Bernadette aren't right for each other. 或许我和伯纳黛特不合适

Look, Howard, I'd say there's a lot of fish in the sea,but I watched you dangle your hook in the water for years. Do not throw her back. 霍华德  虽说海大何患无鱼 可我看着你晃着鱼钩钓了这么多年 千万别放鱼归海啊

I don't want to, but this is kind of a deal breaker. 我也不想啊  可这事太破坏感情

What's your mom going to say if you call off the wedding? 要是你妈知道你想取消婚礼会如何

Oh, it'll kill her.On the other hand, if I don't give her grandchildren, that'll kill her, too.So, either way, on the Mom front, I'm golden. 她会气死的 但反过来说  她要知道以后没孙子抱 也会气死的 不管怎么说  我妈会被气死这事我很有信心

What time did you tell Amy to be here? 你跟艾米说让她几点来

8:00 八点

Sheldon, that pocket watch is ridiculous. 谢尔顿  你那挂表太可笑了

Nonsense.I look like a train conductor. 胡说 我戴着就像列车长

Under what pretext did you lure her here? 你用什么借口引诱她过来的

I said, "Hey, want to come over and hang out?" 我说  想过来坐坐聊聊吗

Good, good, if you had said something clever,she might've gotten suspicious. 很好  你要说了什么有深度的理由 她可能就起疑心了的

What's he doing here? 他在这干嘛

Okay, he wants to talk to you. 他想跟你谈谈

Well, I don't want to talk to him. 可我不想跟他谈

And I'm pretty disappointed in you, too. 现在我对你也很失望了

Although we both know that won't last. 虽然我也气不了你多久

Sheldon, you're up. 谢尔顿  该你了

Thank you. 谢谢

Amy, I'd like to apologize. 艾米  我想跟你道歉

Your accomplishment was impressive. 你的成就非常惊人

And I'm proud of you. 我以你为荣

We both know that's your koala face. 

I told you. 你用考拉脸想糊弄谁啊  你看吧

Okay, look, he bought you this. 他给你买了礼物

Jewelry?Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow,selfcentered person I have ever met.Do you really think another transparently manipul... 送我珠宝 真的假的 谢尔顿  你是我见过最肤浅 最自我中心的人 你真的以为你想操纵...

Oh, it's a tiara! A tiara! I have a tiara! 是个皇冠 皇冠  我有了个皇冠

Put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me. undefined

You look beautiful. 给我戴上  快给我戴上  给我戴上 给我戴上戴上戴上 戴着真漂亮

Of course I do, I'm a princess, and this is my tiara! 当然漂亮  我是公主  这是我的皇冠

You were right, the tiara was too much. 你说得对  送皇冠太过了

Howard! Bernadette's... 霍华德  伯纳黛特到...

Oh, she slipped right by me. 她从我身边溜过去了

Here's your vest back. 我来还你的背心

You should keep it.You could wear it again sometime. 你留着吧 以后说不定还有机会穿呢

Where? 去哪穿啊

I don't know, hunting? 不知道  去打猎的时候吧

Don't forget to talk to her about this mishegas where I don't get grandkids! 别忘了跟她谈谈那件疯狂的事 就是我抱不上孙儿的事

Don't worry, Ma.I will, as soon as I can figure out a way to bring up such a sensitive issue! 别担心  老妈 我会的  只要我想出怎么 跟她提出这个敏感问题

I guess you talked to your mom, huh? 看来你告诉你妈妈了

I was upset. My mom can be a pretty good shoulder to cry on,if the smell of Bengay doesn't burn your eyes. 我当时很伤心嘛 我妈强壮的臂弯还是挺适合靠着哭泣的 忽略她灼伤人眼的镇痛剂味道就行了

Look, it's obvious having kids is really important to you,and I think I came up with a solution. 显然  要孩子这事对你很重要 我想出了一个办法

Really? That's great. What? 真的吗 太好了  是什么

Well, seeing as how I make way more money than you anyway, what if I work and you stay home with the kids? 既然我赚的钱比你多得多 让我工作而你在家照顾孩子怎样

Me? 我

Yeah.You know, you'll watch Barneyand pull Cheerios out of their noses and go on play dates,and I'll work and have conversations with people my own age and enjoy my life. 对啊 陪孩子看儿童节目《小恐龙巴尼》 帮他们把卡鼻子里的麦片抠出来 然后带他们去跟其他孩子玩耍 而我出去工作  跟我们的同龄人 一起聊天  享受我的人生

Yeah... 好啊

Yay, so we're good. 太好了  问题解决了

Yeah, we're good. 对  没问题了

You know, I don't know if this counted as a fight,but how about some makeup sex? 我不知道这次算不算吵架 不过想要来个吵后滚床单吗

I would love that. 我喜欢

But what is that behind your ear? Oh, look, it's a condom. 不过你耳朵后面是什么啊 哇  是个安全套