Emergency preparedness drill. 紧急情况预防演习

  Oh, no, come on! 别啊  开玩笑吧

Yeah, you know how it works. Once a quarter, keep our readiness up. 你懂的 每三个月一次  保持警惕

Now, rise and shine, sleepy head.Half the town is probably dead. 快起床吧  瞌睡虫 城里半数  死翘翘

I have to get a lock for my door. 我一定要给我的门弄个锁

I think you'll like the drill tonight.I've tried to make it fun. 我觉得你会喜欢今晚的演习 我在寓教于乐方面花了不少心思

Each of these cards contains a detailed scenario of a possible apocalyptic event. 每张卡片上都详细介绍了一个场景 每个场景都代表一种可能的末日级灾难

Everything from wild fires to a surprise invasion by Canada. 囊括了从森林大火 到加拿大的突然入侵

Pick a catastrophe, any catastrophe. 选个灾难吧  随便哪个都行

Sheldon, Canada is not going to invade California. 谢尔顿  加拿大攻不到加州的

Yeah, really? You think those hippies in Washington and Oregon can stop them? 真的吗  你真觉得华盛顿州和俄勒冈州的 那帮脓包能挡得住加拿大人吗

Fine. 好吧

All righty! An 8.2 magnitude earthquake devastates Pasadena, 好嘞  一场8.2级的地震摧毁了帕萨迪纳市

reducing mighty edifices to dust,engulfing the city in flames.The streets flow with blood and echo with the cries of the wounded. Oh, excellent choice. 高楼大厦被夷为平地 火灾在全城蔓延 街道上血流成河 遍地伤者哀嚎不已  选得好啊

Now, put on your hardhat and safety vest. 快戴上安全帽  穿上安全背心

Oh, fun. 真有意思啊

I get to spend another night in front of our apartment dressed like one of the Village People. 我又得穿得像 村民 组合里的某位成员一样 整晚上傻站在楼前了 70年代的经典男子演唱组合其中一位经常扮成建筑工人

You make that joke every three months.I still don't get it. 你每三个月就得这么吐一次槽 可我还是没看出槽点

Leonard... wait. What are you doing? 莱纳德  等下 你在干嘛呢

I don't know, what am I doing? 我也不知道  怎么了

Look around you   there's hypothetical broken glass everywhere. 你看看周围 到处都是可能存在的碎玻璃

Really? You're going to face Armageddon without your orthotics?Your choice. 不是吧  不带上足部矫形器就去最终决战吗 你自己看着办

Uh oh, hypothetical aftershock!And that's why we wear hardhats. 可能的余震来了所以要戴安全帽嘛

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state,then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion tarted.Wait... 我们的宇宙进入了极热的高浓度状态，后来，140亿年前它开始扩张。等等……

The Earth began to cool,the autotrophs began to drool,neanderthals developed tools, we built a wall (we built the pyramids), 地球开始冷却，自养生物开始繁殖,穴居人学会使用工具，我们开始建墙（我们还建了金字塔）

Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries,That all started with the big bang!bang! 数学、科学、历史解开了宇宙之谜。这一切从宇宙大爆炸开始。

Check it out   press release from NASA. 你看这个  来自宇航局的新闻

 Expedition 31 will launch this spring to the International Space Station. 第31批考察队将于今年春天 前往国际空间站

Crew members will include Commander Tom 'Tombo' Johnson,Astronaut Mike 'Supernova' Novacelik and Payload Specialist Howard Wolowitz. 队员包括中校 汤包 汤姆·约翰逊 宇航员 超新星 迈克·诺瓦里克 和随行专家霍华德·沃罗威茨

This is going right into my synagogue's newsletter. 这条肯定要上我的犹太教堂日报

Dude, if you're going to be an astronaut,you need to pick a cool nickname. 哥们儿  如果你打算当宇航员的话 你得取个霸气的绰号啊

I don't get to pick it. The other guys have to give it to me. 才不用我来取呢 别人会给我取的

Oh. If I had one, it would be  Brown Dynamite. 如果我有绰号的话  肯定是 劲爆巧克力

Are you not listening to me? The other astronauts have to give you your nickname. 你在听我说话吗 绰号只能是别人帮你取

Are you not looking at me?I am Brown Dynamite. 你没在看着我吗 我就是 劲爆巧克力

Why do you put six sugars in your coffee? 你为啥往咖啡里加了六包糖

Because the cafeteria doesn't offer little packets of methamphetamine. 因为食堂里不提供 小包的甲基苯丙胺(可合成兴奋剂)

Emergency drill night last night, huh? 昨晚是紧急事件演习对吧

  Uh huh.   How'd you do? 对啊   你怎么样

I'll tell you exactly how he did. 我来告诉你他怎么样

 Readiness: unsatisfactory. 是否准备充分：差强人意

Follows direction: barely. 是否听从指挥：刚愎自用

Attitude: a little too much. 是否带有情绪：牢骚略多

Overall: not only will he probably die in a fiery inferno,his incessant whining would most certainly spoil everyone else's day. 综上所述 他不仅会在灾难中死得很惨 他旷日持久的牢骚会毁掉别人的好心情

You know what, I'm so tired, I can't even think straight.I'm going home. 我太累了  脑子都不转了 我回去了

Will one of you guys give this nutbag a ride back later? 你们哪位愿意待会儿送这位二逼青年回家

You can't go home.You have to take me to the dentist at 4:00. 你不能回去 你四点钟还得送我去看牙医

Oh... can't you take the bus to the dentist? 你就不能自己坐公交去吗

Of course I can. It's coming back,that's the problem. 我当然能  问题是回来的时候 有麻醉剂的后续作用 这才是麻烦的地方

Two years ago,after a deep gum cleaning, I thought I got on a bus but somehow wound up on a booze cruise to Mexico. 两年前 在一次全面牙龈清洗过后  我以为我上了公交车 醒来却发现自己在墨西哥烈酒游行团车上

They put you under for a cleaning? 你洗个牙龈都得打麻药啊

Yeah, they have to   I'm a biter. 没办法  我急起来会咬人

Whatever, Sheldon. I'm exhausted.I'm not taking you to the dentist. 我不管了  谢尔顿  我累得不行了 我没法带你去看牙医了

Wrong, sir.Wrong. Under Section 37 B of the Roommate Agreement  Miscellaneous Duties  you are obligated to take me to the dentist. 不行啊  哥们儿 不行  根据室友协议的第37条B款 杂项职责你有义务带我去看牙医

See? It's right here after  providing a confirmation sniff on questionable dairy products. 看到了吧  就在 为可能坏掉的乳制品 提供气味确认 这条的后面

You know what, I am sick of the Roommate Agreement. 你挺好  我受够了室友协议

It's ridiculous. I'm your roommate, not your chauffeur. 傻透了 我是你的室友  不是你的司机

You know, I had better things to do yesterday than drive you all the way to the  good  model train store in Garden Grove because the one in Pasadena has gotten  too big for its britches. 我昨天本来有别的事情要做 结果却得载你去加登格罗夫的一家不错火车模型店 就因为帕萨迪纳的那家服务态度太傲慢了

Well, it has.Ask anybody. 确实很傲慢 你去问问啊

I don't care. I'm done. 我才不管呢  我受够了

Hold on. 等下

Are you saying that you want to invoke Clause 209? 你是说你想使用第209条吗

I don't know what that is,but if it means I can go home and sleep, then yes. 我不知道那条是啥 但如果那条能让我回家睡觉的话  我就用

Think carefully here.Clause 209 suspends our friendship,and strips down the Roommate Agreement to its bare essentials. 你先想清楚 第209条会终止我们的友谊 并解除室友协议  仅剩一些基本条款

Our responsibilities toward each other would only be rent, utilities and a perfunctory chin jut of recognition as we pass in the hall.'Sup? 我们对彼此的义务仅限于交房租  共用生活设施 和在大厅里见面时出于认识而冷漠地抬个头 哟

Where do I sign? 我要在哪签名

Right here. 就这里

Use your finger. 用手指即可

  There. Done.   All right. That's it. 签好了 好的  到此结束

We are now no longer companions,boon or otherwise. 从此你走你的阳关道 我过我的独木桥

We are not merely acquaintances.To amend the words of Toy Story   You've got a friend in me You have not got a friend in me. 我们现在连点头之交都不是 修改一下《玩具总动员》的金句 我是你的好朋友 (源自《玩具总动员》的主题曲) 我不是你的好朋友

 I'm gonna go home and take a nap. 我要回家小睡了

Yeah, well, tell it to someone who cares. 跟在乎的人说去吧

I got pretty exciting NASA news today. 今天我接到个激动人心的宇航局消息

Next week I fly to Houston for orientation and zero gravity elimination drills. 下周我就要飞去休斯顿 进行空间定向能力和零重力排便训练

What does that mean? 那是指什么

He's gonna learn to poop in space. 他要去学习如何在太空里拉屎

Open the pod bay doors, HAL. 打开分离舱门  哈尔 出自电影 2001太空漫游 的经典台词 (哈尔是一台人工智能化电脑)

Maybe your nickname should be  Brown Dynamite. 或许你的绰号才应该叫 劲爆屎颗粒

Hello, dear friends. 朋友们好啊

And Dr. Hofstadter. 还有霍夫斯塔德博士

'Sup? 哟

'Sup? 哟

My apologies.I would've been here sooner,but the bus kept stopping for other people to get on it. 不好意思 我本来可以早点回来 可那巴士老是停下来载客

I saved you a dumpling. 我给你留了个饺子

Oh, your concern for me is touching.It will serve you well when you take me to the dentist tomorrow. 你对我的关心真叫人感动 等你明天载我去看牙医 我再好好报答你

I'm sorry, Sheldon, I'm busy. 对不起  谢尔顿  我很忙

I'm right in the middle of my addiction study. 我正忙着做瘾疾研究

I've got a lab full of alcoholic monkeys,and tomorrow's the day we switch them to O'Doul's. 整个实验室都是酗酒的猴子 明天正好要让它们改喝无酒精啤酒

You're my girlfriend and you're not going to cater to my every need? Oh, where'd the magic go? 你是我的女朋友 居然不迎合我的每一个需求 哎  爱情的魔力都到哪里去了

Sheldon, that's not what girlfriends are for. 谢尔顿  女朋友不是这么用的

Although, you don't use them for what they're for,so what do I know? 不过  她们真正的用处你也用不到 所以我也不知道了

Howard doesn't make me do his shopping or take him to the dentist or pick up his dry cleaning, right? 霍华德就不会叫我帮他买东西 送他去看牙医 帮他拿干洗的衣服  对吧

Absolutely. 那当然

But when Ma's hips give out, you're up, kid. 不过等我妈行动不便了  就由你顶上

Well, if Amy's too busy, that gives the rest of you an opportunity to make my life easier, 既然艾米太忙  就给你们一个  让我生活更轻松的机会吧

thus assuring yourselves a footnote in my memoirs,tentatively entitled You're Welcome, Mankind. 我保证带我去的人  能在我那本暂命名为 《不客气  凡夫俗子》的回忆录里留一个注脚

All right, then,just shout when you hear the task you want to undertake. 好了 听到你想接的任务时就吼一声

Uh, dentist. 看牙医

Okay, w we can circle back to that one. 没事  我们回头再说这个

Um, well, who wants to take me Wednesday morning to get new heels put on my dress shoes? 谁想在星期三早上 带我去换绅士鞋的鞋跟

Anyone? Oh. That one had hoot written all over it. 谁想去带我去换绅士鞋的鞋跟 看来这个没人喜欢

Um, all right, uh, dermatologist. 好吧  去看皮肤科医生

Allergist. 过敏症医生

Podiatrist. 足科医生

Supercuts? 超级理发师(理发店)

Okay, okay, here's a fun one.Um, I need a new picture frame and I have a hankering for Swedish meatballs. Who wants to spend the day with me at IKEA? 好吧  还有个好玩的 我要买个新相框 而且我想去吃瑞典肉丸 谁想那天陪我去宜家(瑞典家居品牌)

  Their meatballs are pretty good. 他们的肉丸很好吃

What's that? Nothing, nothing. 你说什么 没有  我什么都没说