The guy who seems like an emotionless robot is you... but your relationship with Amy is causing you to transform into a red blooded man with sexual desires. 你就是那个仿佛无血无泪的机器人的仁兄但你和艾米的感情正让你变成一个有血有肉有性欲的人

That is literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard.Leonard?Leonard.Leonard?What? 这真是我听过最愚蠢的言论了莱纳德，莱纳德。莱纳德，干嘛?

Are you sleeping? I was. Now I'm having a nightmare. 你睡觉了吗?本来是现在我要做恶梦了

What do you want? Never mind. I still can't tell you.Penny? Penny? 你要干嘛?算了,我还是不能告诉你,佩妮,佩妮

Penny. Oh, my God. Sheldon? You frightened me. 佩妮,上帝啊,谢尔顿,你吓死我了

What are you doing in my bedroom? 你在我卧室干嘛

Yeah, well, I knocked on the front door, but you didn't hear it. 我刚有敲过大门啊可你没听见

How did you even get in, you weirdo? Yeah, really? 你是怎么进来的,你个怪胎是吗?

I've seen strange men traipsing in and out of here for years,but when I do it, it's weird? 多年来不断有陌生男人进出你家.可当是我时,就奇怪了

What do you want, Sheldon? 你要干嘛，谢尔顿

Oh, I was having a little trouble sleeping and I just thought, uh, seeing as you're up, we could talk. 我有一点点睡不着然后我就想反正你醒了，我们来聊聊吧

Talk about what? Oh, I don't know. 聊什么不知道耶

Uh, weather, uh, fish you could do carpentry with. 天气  可以拿来做木工活的鱼类

Why Leonard is such an attractive and desirable boyfriend. 为什么莱纳德是一个这么迷人又称心的男友

Yeah, pick one your choice. Sheldon. 你选一个由你做主,谢尔顿

Did you know that Leonard has a perfect driving record and enjoys the insurance discounts that go along with that? Hubbahubba. 你知道莱纳德的驾驶记录超完美因此能享受到车险打折这件事吗？很棒吧

Okay, go home, crazy man. Yeah.Did you know that while Leonard is not considered a tall fellow in our country,in today's North Korea, he's downright average. 好吧，快回家。你个疯子，对了，你知不知道虽然莱纳德在我们国家不算高大但在今日的朝鲜  他绝对是标准身高

Talk about a keeper.Okay, what did Amy tell you? Oh, very well. 正所谓乘龙佳婿啊？好吧，艾米跟你说什么了，太棒了

I can't keep up this clever charade any longer. 你再不猜出来我也编不出提示了。

She told me that you were thinking of ending it with Leonard. 她告诉我你想跟莱纳德分手

Okay, you listen to me. 好吧  你听我说

I think it's really sweet you're trying to protect your friend,but this is none of your business. Got it? 你想保护你朋友的做法真的很有爱但这不关你的事，明白了吗？

Excuse me. This is not about protecting my friend. 纠正一下  这不是为了保护我的朋友

I'm a big fan of homeostasis. 我是喜欢内稳态

Do you know what that is? 你知道这是什么意思吗

Of course not. Yeah. 当然不知道，好吧

Homeostasis refers to a system's ability to regulate its internal environment and maintain a constant condition of properties like temperature or pH. 内稳态是指一个系统调节自身内部系统的能力并维持其属性在一个常规的状态下就好像温度或酸碱度

Worst bedtime story ever. 史上最烂的床边故事

My point is I don't like when things change. 我想说的是我不喜欢事物发生变化

So, regardless of your feelings,I would like you to continue dating Leonard. 所以无论你心里想什么我希望你能跟莱纳德保持现状

And also,while we're on the subject, you recently changed your shampoo. 还有说到改变，你最近换了不同味的洗发精

I'm not comfortable with the new scent. 我不喜欢这个新香味

Please stop this madness and go back to green apple. 麻烦别瞎换，用回青苹果味的

Okay, honey, I have a lot to figure out,and until I do, you are not to say a word to Leonard. 好吧。宝贝，我有很多事情琢磨但在我想清之前，你不许告诉莱纳德一个字

Do you understand? I do.You clear on the shampoo issue?  Get out. 明白了吗？明白。那洗发精的事情你明白了吗？快滚

Penny? What? Please don't hurt my friend. 佩妮，干嘛？拜托不要伤害我的朋友

That is the last thing I want to do. Thank you. 这是我最不想做的事情。谢谢

Coconut? What were you thinking?Are you a hula girl? Get out!  椰子味，你想什么呢？你又不是跳草裙舞的，快滚回家

Hello? What the hell is wrong with you? You told Sheldon? 你好？你是怎么想的  居然告诉谢尔顿

Do you know what a terrible position this puts me in? 你知道你把我置于一个多糟糕的处境吗

Hang on, please.Hello? 等下，你好

Yeah, just a headsup: Penny knows that you blabbed about Leonard.She's pretty mad. 提醒你一下佩妮知道你泄露了关于莱纳德的事她气疯了

I know.She's yelling at me right now. 我知道，她现在打电话嚷我呢

All right then, so we're all on the same page.Yeah.Hey, Bernie. 好吧，你都知情了就好，好啦，小妮妮

There's my hubby. How's everything going up there? 我的老公仔，在上面一切还好吗

Oh, it's okay.Space is beautiful. 还好啊太空很美丽

Earth is beautiful. Same old, same old. 地球很漂亮，一切还是老样子

What's wrong? Nothing.Everything's fine.Howard. 怎么了，没事啊，一切都好，霍华德

The other astronauts are being mean to me. 其他宇航员都欺负我

No, what are they doing? 不是吧  他们怎么欺负你了

Well, like for instance, the other day when I was asleep, one of the guys went on a space walk 像那天我还在睡觉其中一个出去太空漫步

and glued a bigeyed rubber alien mask to the outside of my window. 然后在我窗外粘了大眼橡胶外星人的面具

When I woke up, I screamed for like nine minutes.Oh, Howie. 我醒来后，大概尖叫了九分钟，可怜的华仔

You can see it if you want. It's on YouTube. Google "Astronaut screams for nine minutes." 你想看的话看得到视频网站有只需搜索"宇航员尖叫九分钟"

Why don't you stand up to them？What am I supposed to say? I don't know. 你为什么不跟他们讲道理呢？我该说什么呢？不知道

Say, "Being mean is lame. What's cool is being nice." 就说  "欺负人不好，对人友善才酷"

Great, I'll do that when I want to be the first guy in space to get a wedgie. 哪天我想被人欺负到死我就会说的

Do you want me to call somebody at NASA? No. 要我打电话找太空总署的人吗？不用

My mom already tried that.It only made things worse. 我妈已经打过了完全是火上浇油，

Gelatinous Sphere.Focused Locust.Temple of Yip. 粘性之球，专心蝗虫，叶氏圣殿

I'm sorry. Wolowitz would never play that card. 抱歉  沃罗威茨绝不会出这张牌

All right, Lesser Demon Turtle.Fairy God Monster, I win. 好吧，幼年恶魔龟妖精神怪，我赢了

Your desperate need for friendship makes you weak. 你对友谊的渴求令你破绽百出

So, what are you guys doing later? 你们等下做什么

Stuart and I were thinking of going out for a drink. 斯图尔特和我打算出去喝一杯

We're gonna try to meet some girls. 'Cause that's what we do. 我们打算去泡妞因为我们是采花高手

Watch out, ladies: a little coffee and cream coming your way. 小心了，女士们咖啡奶油黑白配来啦

In case you didn't follow that, I'm the coffee. Leonard? 怕你们不懂，咖啡是我莱纳德

Maybe you'd like to go with them to meet girls. 不如你也和他们出去泡下妞吧

Why would I be interested? I have Penny.Yeah, for now. 我怎么会有兴趣，我有佩妮暂时有而已

But that woman has a death wish, Leonard. 那女人可不是省油的灯，莱纳德

She talks to strangers; she pets unfamiliar dogs;and it is ridiculously easy to break into her apartment. 她跟陌生人讲话，她会逗陌生的狗而且闯进她的卧室实在是莫名其妙的容易

If I were you,I'd get a backup. 如果我是你我会准备个后备

You can't just replace someone you care about with some other random person. 你不能用随便碰到的人取代你喜欢的人

No, please don't ruin this for me. 拜托别破坏我的美梦

Do you remember how upset I was when they replaced Edward Norton as the Hulk? 你还记得启用爱德华?诺顿出演绿巨人的时候我有多愤怒吗

Yes, you walked around for a week saying,"Sheldon unhappy with casting choice." 记得，你嘟哝了一个星期说"谢尔顿对选角不满意"

But, then Mark Ruffalo was the Hulk in The Avengers,and he was even better. 但马克?鲁法罗出演《复仇者联盟》里的绿巨人时效果却更好

What's your point?Call me a romantic. 你想说什么就当我是浪漫主义者吧

I like to think that your Mark Ruffalo is still out there somewhere. 我觉得你还没碰到你的"马克?鲁法罗"呢

This is ridiculous. Are we gonna play cards or not? 真是莫名其妙  到底还要不要打牌

I like Mark Ruffalo, too. 我也喜欢马克·鲁法罗

Yeah, settle down there, Fake Wolowitz。No one likes a kissup. 有节操点，伪沃罗威茨没人喜欢马屁精

So, I had to take Sheldon to the dentist this morning.Really? Yup. 我今早带了谢尔顿去看牙医，是吗？对

I told him if he didn't bite the hygienist,I'd take him for ice cream. 我跟他说，如果他不咬牙医我就带他去吃冰淇淋

I didn't have to take him for ice cream.You okay? 他咬了，我就省了一顿冰激凌你还好吗

You seem a little distracted. 感觉有点心不在焉

Look, there's something I need to tell you.Yeah, okay. 听我说，我要跟你说件事好的

I don't really know how to say this.Just say it. 我真不知道该如何开口，直说吧

好吧，那我就说了你跟他上床了 

I didn't know what else to do. 我不知道还能怎么办嘛

He had those big, sad eyes. 他用可怜的星星大眼看着我

Oh, sure, you had no choice. 是啊  你也是"别无选择"

He looked at me like this. 他这样看着我

Well, if that's all it takes,it's a good thing you don't have a dog.Don't worry. 这样就能拐你上床那真是幸好你没养狗，别担心。

You'll have plenty of chances to break up with him: Your wedding day, your honeymoon,your 50th anniversary. 你多的是能跟他分手的机会你们的大喜之日。蜜月旅行金婚纪念日

Look, it's fine.We're not getting married, okay? 没事的我们不会结婚的，明白吗

We're keeping things, you know, homeostasis. It's so cute when she tries. 我们会保持内稳态，她硬学那些词的样子好可爱

It's from Leonard"Last night was amazing.You're amazing. 莱纳德发来的昨晚妙不可言，你也妙不可言

I'm so lucky to have you in my life."Okay, stop it. 我真幸运，人生中有你相伴"好啦。 别闹了

Hey, Bernie, guess what? 小妮妮，你猜怎么样

I stood up to the other astronauts like you said and I got to tell you, last night was the first time in a week I got a good night's sleep. Oh, Howie. 我照你说的  跟其他宇航员摊牌我得跟你说  昨晚是我这一周来第一次睡个安稳觉。华仔

What's wrong? You look upset. 怎么啦  你一脸不开心的样子

Nope, this is my proud face. 没有啊  这是我为你骄傲的表情果麦圈客