Oh, yes. Yeah, and a fat lot of good it did me. 没错  而且还得到了"很多帮助"呢

All she did was get mad at you. "帮助"就是她光顾着生你的气了

Why would you do that? 你为什么要这样做

I needed advice about a woman. 我需要关于女人的建议。

I would have asked you, but if the last few years have proven anything, it's that you can't tell a uterus from a unicycle. 我本来可以问你的但要说过去几年证明了什么那就是你连子宫和独轮车都分不清

At least I know not to blab to a girl about somebody flirting with her boyfriend. Good to know. 至少我知道随便对女生透露有人追她男友是不对的。知道这个太好了

Yeah, a few more helpful hints like that, you may find yourself on the Council of Ladies. 你再多说点这类的金玉良言就可以名正言顺地加入姐妹顾问团了

Hello. I see. Uh, what time? Very well, then. 你好。这样啊。几点？好的。

That was the Human Resources Department at the university. 是学校的人事部打来的

Apparently, my assistant Alex has filed a complaint accusing me of inappropriate behavior in the workplace. 我的助理艾利克斯居然投诉了我说我在办公场所有不当行为

Oh, my God, what did you do? Hmm, let me think. 老天啊，你做了什么？我回忆一下。

Nothing. I'm a delight. Human Resources Department. Human Resources Department. Human Resources Department. 没什么啊。我超萌超有爱的。人事部。人事部。人事部

Come in. Hello. Ah, Dr. Cooper, have a seat. Thank you. 请进。你好。是你啊，库珀博士请坐吧。谢谢

I called you in today because your assistant Alex Jensen has lodged a complaint against you. 我今天叫你来是因为你的助理艾利克斯·詹森投诉了你

So I've been told. But I can't understand what she has to complain about. 我听说了。但我不明白她有什么可抱怨的。

I mean, she has a frontrow seat as I make scientific history. 她处在见证我改写科学界历史的最前线

There's string cheese in my minifridge, and that's for anyone. 我的迷你冰箱里随时备有奶酪棒大家都可以享用

Yeah, and just yesterday I led her away from a life of sexual promiscuity by making her look at pictures of diseaseridden genitalia. 而且就在昨天我向她展示染上妇科病的生殖器图片指引她走出了淫乱的歧途

Cancel my next appointment. This is gonna take a while. 取消下一位的面谈。这位估计得耗点时间。

Dr. Cooper, you said things to your employee that you just cannot say in the workplace. 库珀博士你对你的下属说了在职场上不应该说的话

Like what? Well, according to Ms. Jensen, you said that she was a slave to her biological urges and called her an "egg salad sandwich." 比如什么？据詹森女士说你说她是自己生理需求的奴隶并且称呼她为"鸡蛋沙拉三明治"

I don't even know what that means, but I'm gonna go ahead and tell you you can't say it. 虽然我不知道那是什么比喻但我告诉你说那种话是不行的

Oh! I see the confusion here. 我明白怎么会有误会了

No, no, Alex thought I was singling her out. No. 艾利克斯以为我在针对她  不是这样的

I meant that all women are slaves to their biological urges, you know? Even you. You're a slave. 我的意思是所有女人都是自己生理需求的奴隶？你也一样。你是个奴隶

I'm a what? Well, yyou... II'm just saying, you know, at a certain point in a woman's menstrual cycle... Whuhah! 我是什么来着？我的意思是在女性生理周期的某一时刻，停停停

You can't talk about that, either, Dr. Cooper. 这也是你不能谈论的  库珀博士

Your language is entirely inappropriate, and I'm gonna advise that you shut your mouth right now. 你的语言非常不恰当我建议立刻给我闭嘴

I d... I don't see why I'm the one being persecuted here. 我真不明白被指责的怎么会是我

Dr. Hofstadter he was bragging about his sexual desirability to anyone who would listen. 霍夫斯塔德博士，每抓到一个听众他就要炫耀自己有多风靡女性万千。

You know, and Howard Wolowitz he spent two years using university resources building a sixbreasted sex robot. 还有霍华德·沃罗威茨他花了两年时间利用学校的资源制造了一个六乳性爱机器人

And at the office Christmas party, I heard Rajesh Koothrappali refer to you several times as "brown sugar." 我还在部门的圣诞派对里听到拉杰什·库萨帕里好几次称你为"棕糖美妞"

Hofstadter... Wolowitz... and the last one was Rajesh Koothrappali? Yes. 霍夫斯塔德，沃罗威茨最后一个是拉杰什·库萨帕里。是的

No, yeah, but in his defense, that wasn't racist. 对，但我得为他澄清一下他不是对你有种族歧视

He's also brown. Sorry Alex hit on me Hit on me Hit on me Sorry Alex hit on me I'd no idea I'm cute 他也是棕皮肤人种。抱歉艾利克斯喜欢我，喜欢我，喜欢我，抱歉艾利克斯喜欢我，我不知道自己很讨喜 

Oh, damn it, you are.  Please forgive me. 可恶，你确实讨喜。原谅我吧。

I should have told you about Alex.I don't care about Alex. 我应该早点告诉你艾利克斯的事。我不在乎她。

Fine, I care.Okay, I hate that bitch. 好吧，我在乎。好吧，我讨厌那小贱人。

But what really hurt is that you liked it so much. 但你竟然那么暗爽太让我难过了

I mean, do I need to be worried? Of course not. No. Why? 我需要担心你变心吗？当然不用啦。担心什么啊？

Because...she is pretty and smart,and when you talk about work, she doesn't have to go home and look up words in the dictionary to understand what you said. 因为她又漂亮又聪明你们要是谈论工作的东西她不必跑回家翻翻字典才能理解你在说什么

You do that?  No. Hang on. Are you feeling insecure? 你会那样做啊？才不会。等一下，你是没有安全感吗？

Because that's my thing,and if you take it away,I don't know what I'm bringing to this relationship. 那可是我专属的事要是你把这个活抢走了，那我们的关系之中  我就贡献不出东西了

Yes, Leonard, I am insecure.Happy?  No，I'm not happy. 对，莱纳德，我没安全感。开心吗？不，不开心

Why are you smiling?  I'm sorry. 那你干嘛笑？对不起嘛。

I just never think of you having feelings like that. Well, I do.  Why? 我从没想过你会有这种感觉。我有的为什么呢？

Nothing is ever going to happen between me and Alex.Good.Come here. 我和艾利克斯绝对没可能。很好。过来

I'll tell you a secret? What's that? 告诉你个秘密吧？什么？

With all these women chasing me,I kind of do feel like Captain Kirk. 有这么多姑娘追我我觉得自己好像柯克船长

Can I tell you a secret? Sure. 我也能说个秘密吗？当然。

Keep talking about Captain Kirk,and we're all gonna stop.Message... received. 继续说什么柯克船长吧估计我们撑得过今天撑不过明天。信息已收到（模仿柯克船长）

Ah, excuse me.Hello.This is Dr. Hofstadter.Okay.All right, thank you.That's weird. 不好意思。你好。我是霍夫斯塔德博士。好的。知道了，谢谢。奇了怪了

I'm getting called in to Human Resources.What did you do? I don't know. 人事部叫我过去一趟，你做了什么了？我不知道

I just got called in to Human Resources.  Why? I don't know.That is so strange. 人事部刚刚叫我过去一趟。为什么？不知道。真是太奇怪了

Human Resources wants to talk to me tomorrow. 人事部叫我明天过去一趟

Could you stop licking your ass for two minutes? 你能不能停下"孤菊自舔"两分钟啊？

I have a problem here.Do you really think you should be drinking right now? 老子现在有麻烦。你真觉得现在是喝酒的好时机吗？

How else am I supposed to talk to the Human Resources lady? 不然我等会怎么回答人事部小姐的问题？

I don't know. Seek professional help? 不知道，看心理医生怎么样

I did. The guy at the liquor store said this stuff tastes great in coffee. 我有啊。酒类专卖店的人说这玩意配咖啡口感不错

Wait, you got called in, too?What is going on? 等下，你也被召来了吗？出什么事了？

Sheldon threw us all under the bus. 谢尔顿把我们都拉来陪葬了

I feel like I've been called down to the principal's office. 我感觉自己像是见校长的坏学生

Although I wouldn't mind if Brown Sugar suspended me. 不过我可不介意被"棕糖美妞"打屁屁

From a sex swing! This may have been a mistake. 还是在性爱秋千上打哦！喝酒可能是个错误决定。

Relax. Everything's gonna be fine. 放轻松。没事的

You know, before I met Bernadette I was in here every other day. 要知道在我碰到伯纳黛特前我是这里三天两头报到的常客

Uh, little tip:turn off your "I Like Big Butts" ringtone before you go in. 友情提示下进去前先把"我喜欢大屁妞"的铃声调成静音

Well, this is all your fault.How is this my fault? 这都是你的错。怎么成我的错了？

If you weren't screwing around with Sheldon's assistant,none of this would be happening. 如果你没和谢尔顿的助理鬼混根本不会发生现在这种破事

I wasn't screwing around with anyone.  Oh, of course not. 我才没跟任何人鬼混。是哦，没有。

She was just sniffing around your goods because she was hunting for truffles. 那你是想说她在"闻你的货时"只是单纯在找松露而已吗（靠猪的嗅觉找）

Ah, Mr. Wolowitz, it's been a while.Hey, Janine.How are Tom and the kids? Fine. 沃罗威茨先生，好久不见。你好，洁宁。汤姆和孩子们好吗？很好

You must be Dr. Hofstadter. 你一定是霍夫斯塔德博士吧

Yes, but I think this is all a big misunderstanding. Yeah, yeah, me, too. 是，但我想这是个天大的误会，你也误会我了

I didn't do anything.Is that alcohol on your breath? Howard built a sex robot. 我什么都没干。你怎么说话满嘴酒气？霍华德造了个性爱机器人

That is not true.All I did was build a robot. 没有这回事。我就只是造了个机器人而已

Did it have six breasts? 你那个机器人有六个胸吗

I'm sorry, I'm a feminist I don't notice things like how many breasts a robot has. 抱歉，我是个尊重男女平等的人我不会特别注意机器人有多少乳房这种事

Well, hello. What are you doing here? 大家好，你来干嘛？

Actually, I came to speak to Mrs. Davis.And I'm a little busy right now. 我是来找戴维斯夫人的。我现在有点忙。

But I came to file a complaint. 我是来投诉的

Yeah, somebody has made me feel uncomfortable in the workplace by using language of an inappropriate and sexual nature. 有人在工作场所通过用不当的和带性字眼的言语骚扰我  让我觉得不适

And who was that? You, you dirty birdie. 是谁呢？就你啊，你这色色的婆娘。

II thought about the things you said to me yesterday,and I realized I'm deeply offended. 我回想了下你昨天跟我说过的话我意识到那是对我深深的冒犯

Now, be a dear and get me one of those complaint forms.That's it. 现在乖乖去给本大爷拿投诉表来。够了。

All of you, in my office now! 所有人，马上进我办公室

And thanks to you, I know better than to ask if you're menstruating. 多亏你的"教导"  我不至于傻到问你是不是来"大姨妈"了

And based on your behavior, I don't have to. 而看你这狂躁样，不问也知道

It has been pointed out to me that... some of the things I said to you could be construed as... offensive, 经过训示后我才明白我对你说的某些话可能会被理解成  无礼

and I would like to offer you my sincerest apology. 我愿意向你表达我最真诚的歉意

Thank you, Dr. Cooper.  Yeah, additionally, 谢谢，库珀博士。另外

you should know that the university has mandated that I take an online sexual harassment seminar so this sort of thing doesn't happen in the future. 跟你说下校方要求我参加在线性骚扰研讨班这样以后不会再发生类似的事情

Okay.  Yeah. Now,unfortunately, uh, my time is much too valuable to waste on nonsense like this, 好的。现在遗憾的是我的时间太过宝贵不能浪费在这种屁事上面

so... um, I'm gonna need you to take it for me. 所以  我需要你替我考过这个测试

Oh, and, uh, you'd better ace it they're pretty mad. 还有你最好给我得个A因为校方还挺生气的

So, hey, I was thinking about that stuff with Alex. 我一直在想你和艾利克斯的事

Oh, would you stop worrying about that? 拜托你别再为这个烦心了

I can't help it. But, look, I figured I could sit around and feel insecure,or I could do something about it. 我也没办法但我想着我可以不作为一直觉得没安全感或者也可以做出行动

So I got a course catalog at school and looked at some of the science classes.That's great. 所以我拿了学校的课程表看下了科学类课程。太好了。

No, it isn't they are extremely boring. 一点也不好，那些课都闷死了。

I mean, how do you not kill yourself, like, every day? 你怎么撑到现在还没有自杀

Anyway, I decided I don't need to be a scientist,I could just look like one. 话说回来，我觉得我没必要做科学家我只要看起来像就行

So I bought these. Glasses? I really don't think that's gonna change 所以我买了这个。眼镜？我不觉得这会有什么帮助...

oh, my God,you look so smart and hot! 我的天啊，你看起来真是聪明绝顶兼性感撩人

I know, right? Watch this. Molecules.Okay, come with me. Where are we going? 我知道，瞧好啦。分子。跟我来吧。去哪里

To my bedroom,so I can take everything off but those glasses...and maybe the boots. 我的卧室这样我可以扒光你除了眼镜外的一切衣物靴子也留着好了