Answer honestly. This is not a trial.   That'll come later.Absolutely not. 说实话就行了， 这又不是在审问你之后才会审问我绝对没有

Help me out here. I can't afford another demerit.Yeah. 快帮帮我， 我不能再被他记过了。行

Uh... maybe we were hacked. 我们可能是被黑客攻击了呢

You know, the Chinese have been hacking everything lately. 中国那边最近不是在到处网络攻击吗

Why would the Chinese make our DVR record Paul Blart: Mall Cop? 他们为啥要黑我们的录像机来录《百货战警》

I don't know.  It's a fat guy on a Segway. That's funny everywhere. 我也不知道。看胖子骑电动代步车， 哪国人都会觉得好笑

I'm deleting it.Well, hang on. 我要把它删了。先别删啊

Maybe the Chinese haven't finished watching it yet. 那中国黑客可能还没看完呢

You know, if you're trying to make space on the DVR,  why don't you just get rid of some of the stuff you've already watched? 如果录像机空间不够， 要删东西你怎么不把那些你看过的影片给删了啊

Like, um... Alphas.No, that's the season two finale. 比如《阿尔法战士》。不行， 这是它的第二季季末集呢

That was quite the cliffhanger. I'm going to rewatch it before season three starts. 最后留了个大悬念。第三季开始前我要再温习一遍剧情

There is no season three. They canceled that show.Well, they can't cancel it. 不会有第三季， 这剧被砍了。他们不能砍这个剧

It ended on a cliffhanger. 季末留了大悬念呢

They did.  Uh, Sheldon,  there are two dumplings left. Do you want them? Dumplings? 他们就是砍了， 谢尔顿，还剩两个水饺， 你要吃吗？还水饺

Don't you understand what's going on here?  As a rule, no. 你没懂现在情况多严重吗？想也知道， 没懂

That show ended with all the residents of New York either dead or unconscious. 这剧季末剧情演到， 全纽约居民全死或是全昏迷了

Now I'll never know what happened. 现在我没机会知道后续发展了

Well, why don't you make up your own ending? 你怎么不自己编个后续出来呢

Oh, sure, what a wonderful idea. 行啊， 这主意太棒了

And after that,I'll make up my own rules of oral hygiene. 我编完之后干脆再自编个口腔卫生规矩好了

You know, instead of flossing, I'll rub pudding on my gums. 例如以后再也不剔牙， 而是把布丁涂牙龈上

I'm going to get the number of the SyFy Channel and give them what for. 我要找出科幻台的电话给他们点教训

Oh, please, don't do that.  No. They can't just cancel a show like Alphas. 求你了， 别这样。一定要， 他们怎么能砍了这样的剧呢

You know? They have to help the viewers let go. 他们应该帮助观众放手才对啊

Firefly did a movie to wrap things up. 《萤火虫》出了电影版来收尾

Buffy the Vampire Slayer continued on as a comic book. 《吸血鬼猎人巴菲》以漫画继续延伸了下去

Heroes gradually lowered the quality season by season till we were grateful it ended. 《英雄》的剧情一季比一季烂到结尾时， 观众还感到庆幸呢

I feel bad for whoever gets that phone call.  Ah, don't.

If they didn't want to be yelled at by crazy nerds,they shouldn't have started a SciFi channel. 要是不想接到疯狂宅男粉的斥责电话那他们当初就不应该开这个科幻台

I think you're gonna be really happy with this security camera. 你之后一定会对这个摄像头感到十分满意

The optics are great, it's got infrared technology,and there's even a backup battery when the power goes out. 镜头很棒还有内置红外线技术而且还附带备用电池， 停电时也能运作

Whatever. I can see my little princess while I'm at work, right? 都行啦。反正我能在上班时看到我的小公主， 对吧

Why can't you just watch porn like a regular guy? 你不能像个正常男人那样上班偷看黄片吗

I need your laptop so I can configure the software.Wait, hold on. 把你的电脑给我， 我得调试下软件。等等

This is weird.What? I was Googling that girl I've been dating, and I found her blog.Cool. 奇了怪了。怎么了？我刚在网上搜我对象的资料然后找到了她的博客。厉害

Anything juicy?   She said she recently went on a date with a guy named Roger? 有"有料"的内容吗？她说最近在跟一个叫罗杰的人约会

And he's Indian? And he's an astrophysicist, too? 他还是印度人？而且他也是个天体物理学家

You know what's going on, don't you? 你知道这是怎么回事吧

Yes. Mummy was right. 没错， 我妈说得太对了

American girls are sexually voracious devils. 美国的女人全都是淫荡饥渴骚货

I can't believe I have to explain this. 没想到我居然得跟你解释这事

People change names on blogs to protect their privacy.  Roger is Raj. 很多人都会在博客上用假名来保持隐私。罗杰就是拉杰

I always thought, if I had a white name, it would be Gavin. 我一直以为， 如果我要有个白人名那我会叫盖伦

Keep reading. What does it say? 继续读啊， 看她都说了啥

No, no, I don't know if I should. 不行不行， 这不太好吧

If she wanted me to know about her blog, she would've told me. 如果她想我知道她有博客， 早就告诉我了

It's almost like I'm reading her diary. 这就跟偷看她日记一样

That's exactly what it's like. Keep reading. 这就是偷看她日记啊， 继续读

No, this is creepy. 不行， 这太没节操了

Oh, I think we were looking at creepy in the rearview mirror  when I put up that camera. 从我帮你安装好摄像头的那一刻起节操就已成路人了

It's not creepy. Don't listen to him. 我们正常得很， 别听他瞎说

Oh, look who's got the sweetest kisses.Should I go? 瞧呀， 哪个小姑娘的亲亲这么香啊。要让你们独处吗

With all the TV Sheldon was talking about, I had the greatest idea ever. 在听完谢尔顿说了这么多电视剧后我有了一个绝妙的好主意

It even blows away my idea for a Star Wars themed coffee shop called "Brewbacca's." 比我要开名为"楚巴咖啡厅"星战主题咖啡厅的主意还棒（楚巴卡是星球大战里的知名角色）

You need to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 那就是让你看《吸血鬼猎人巴菲》

It is the perfect show for the two of us. 这剧超适合我们情侣一同观赏

It's got action and jokes and hot vampires and romance. I cannot oversell this! 集火爆动作与搞笑一体有性感吸血鬼加浪漫爱情， 怎么夸都不过分

What do you say? 你怎么说

It's 6:30 in the morning. 现在是清晨六点半

I thought you grew up on a farm. 你不是在农场长大的吗

Hello, SyFy Network? 你好， 科幻台吗

Yeah, this is your vice president of programming. 我是你们的节目安排副总裁

Now, we have made a horrible mistake regarding Alphas. 对于《阿尔法战士》  我们做了重大错误决定

Yeah, we need to uncancel it immediately. 我们要立刻反取消节目

Well, you just put me through to the people who handle that, you tell them it's me, and I don't want to answer a lot of questions about if I really am who I say I am, you know?

I just... I want this done. 我就是要把这事儿解决了

No, I am not the person who just called. 不， 我不是刚才打来电话的人

That man was clearly a cowboy. 那个人很显然是个牛仔

Yeah, who was plumb concerned about y'all canceling his favorite show. 对， 他只是单纯地关心你们取消了他最喜爱的电视剧

Why do they keep hanging up on me? 他们为什么总是挂我电话

I'm sorry you're upset. 很遗憾你这么难过

You know, Sheldon, sometimes people seek the comfort  of physical contact in moments like this.

I am not flying back to Texas just so my mom can give me a hug.Okay. 我才不会飞回德州就为了让我妈抱一下。好吧

Well, what I think is going on here is you have a pathological need for closure.Oh, that's nonsense. 我觉得你现在的情况是对于"结局"  你有种病态的需求真是胡说

I mean, you tell me stories about your day all the time. 你总是告诉我你的日常生活琐碎事

I don't care how they end. 我根本不关心结局是什么

You know, I might be able to help you with this. 也许我能帮你

There's a whole field of behavioral neuroscience that examines ways to retrain your neural pathways so stuff like this bothers you less. 在行为神经学方面有一个领域研究如何重新训练神经通路然后这样的事情便不会如此困扰你了

Yeah, but I just told you,  I don't have a problem with closure. 但我刚刚对你说了我才没纠结要有结局的问题

You sure about that? Oh, quite sure. That proves nothing. 你确定吗？相当确定这不能证明什么

Ready to go to lunch? Do you think I'm feminine? Yeah. Let's go. 可以去吃午饭了吗？你觉得我这人很女性化吗？是的， 我们走

Thanks a lot. What's going on?

I broke down, and I read Lucy's blog. 我没忍住， 我看了露西的博客

And in one of the entries, she said, when we first met, I struck her as a little feminine. 其中有一段她说， 我们初次见面时她觉得我这人有一点点女性气质

Just a little? That's great. I have to talk to her about this. 才觉得一点点而已， 很好啊。我得跟她谈谈这个

Oh, geez, why do you girls always want to talk about things? 老天， 为什么你们女生总要谈这谈那

Listen to me,if she's writing about your relationship,use it to your advantage. 听我说如果她写了你们感情方面的内容你就好好利用啊

Rig the game.  Well, that doesn't seem fair.

Is it fair that girls like confident, normal guys  more than nervous weirdos? 难道女生喜欢自信正常的男生多过紧张古怪男， 这样就公平吗

No, it's not.   I've always thought that was unfair. 这不公平。我一直觉得这不公平

So take what's in that blog and use it to get her pants off. 那就利用博客里的内容， 让她宽衣解裤带

Why do you have to make everything so filthy? 为什么话从你的嘴里出来， 就这样下流

Why couldn't you just say the blog is like her giving me the key to her heart? 你为什么不能说博客就像是她给了我一把打开她心门的钥匙

"The key to her heart."That's nice. "打开她心门的钥匙"真不错

Were you quoting someone or is it tattooed on the small of your back? 这话是你引用别人的还是你腰上的娘们纹身

I was quoting a man who knows a thing or two about women: 我在引用对女人略知一二的男人的话

Sir Elton John.   So, did you love it? 艾尔顿o约翰爵士（着名同性恋歌手）你喜欢吗？

Of course you loved it. How could you not love it? 你当然喜欢了， 你怎么会不喜欢呢

Tell me how much you loved it. It was cute. 告诉我你有多喜欢。很可爱

Oh, don't say cute.That's the worst. 别说可爱啊。这个词最差劲了

What's wrong with cute? 可爱怎么不对了

It just makes things seem small. 这样一形容就觉得东西小小的

It diminishes them. 有种渺小的感觉

So you want me to stop calling your little tushy cute? 你这是要我不再说你的小屁屁可爱吗

You can try, but nobody's gonna believe you. 你可以不说啊， 不过没人会相信你

I just... I don't understand how you can watch a show that great and not be excited by it. 我只是不理解， 为什么看这么优秀的电视剧你却一点也不激动

I liked it. I'm excited. 我喜欢， 我很激动

Well, then, tell your face. 那你的表情就配合一下啊

What do you want from me? 你想让我怎么样

You know what? 这样吧

Never mind. We gave it a shot. 算了， 我们尝试过了

Let's just see what else is on. 看看有什么其它节目吧

Oh, come on, don't be like that. 拜托， 别这样嘛

I'm sorry I called it cute. 抱歉我说了可爱

Let's watch another one.  Really? 我们再看一集， 真的吗

Yeah, it was fun. 对， 挺有意思的

Kind of reminded me of my high school. 让我想起了高中时代

But instead of vampires, we had meth heads. 但我们没有吸血鬼， 只有嗑药鬼

But both came out at night and had messed up teeth.All right, cool. 但两者都是夜晚冒出来， 而且都是一口烂牙好吧

II think you'll like the next one better. 我觉得你会更喜欢下一集

All the cheerleaders are suffering from an evil curse. 讲的是啦啦队员们遭受邪恶诅咒之苦

Oh. Well, that's like my high school, too. 这点也很像高中

But instead of a curse, it was crabs. 不过不是诅咒， 是阴虱之苦

I've come up with a series of exercises to help with your compulsive need for closure. 我准备了一系列练习帮你克服对收尾的强迫需求

I take issue with the word "compulsive." 我不喜欢"强迫"这个词

All I'm saying is,we live in a world where closure isn't always an op.....Tion. Okay.. 我的意思是我们生活的这个世界里， 结局并不是一定...会有的， 好吧

For the sake of argument, let's say I have a problem. 为了论证这点， 就先假设我是有问题

What would be your plan for addressing it? 那你要如何证明我有问题呢

I'm going to recondition your brain so that the need for completion isn't so overwhelming. 我要重建你的大脑思路让这种对结局的需求得以抑制