Changes in jet streams can affect the speed at which the Earth rotates on its axis, so bad weather can actually make the day longer. 大气层中急流的变化可以影响到地球自转的速度，因此恶劣天气其实会延长一天的时间

Well, there must be a hell of a storm somewhere. 那外面某处一定正在狂风暴雨，今天显得好长

Joke if you must, but you're going to miss these moments. 随你吐槽吧，但是你会想念这些日子的

With Leonard home in a few days, this was your last time driving me to the grocery store. 莱纳德过几天就回家了，今天会是你最后一次载我去杂货店了

You know, I will miss this. 你知道吗，我一定会想念的

I'll tell you what, if my apples are mealy, we'll hit the produce section for one last crazy blowout. 这样吧，如果我买的苹果口感太粉，我们还可以再去最后疯狂购物一次

Heck, you can even push the cart. 而且，这次可以让你推购物车

Please don't take my looking forward to Leonard's return, as criticism of the job you've been doing in his absence. 别误会，我固然期待莱纳德的凯旋，但是这并不是批评，你近来替他载我的表现

I won't. That criticism will come later in your report card. 不会的，对你的批评，会在之后的评估报告里

Yeah, I didn't stay for the detention, I'm not gonna read the report card. 课后罚我留堂我都溜了，我才不读你的评估报告

Hello. Leonard! Shh, shh. Hi! Keep your voice down.  Oh, my God. 嗨，莱纳德!嘘嘘嘘，嗨，小点声，我滴天的

You weren't supposed to be here till Sunday! We finished the experiment early, so I thought I'd come home and surprise you. 你不是礼拜天才回么!我们提前完成了实验，然后我决定提前回家来给你个惊喜

Oh, my gosh, why are we whispering? 我的天啊，我们干嘛这么小声?

I didn't tell Sheldon, so we could have a few days alone. 我没告诉谢尔顿我回来了，这样我可以单独跟你相处几天

Oh, that is so romantic. 真浪漫

Uh, sure, that's why I did it. 额，没错，哥就是很浪漫!

Oh... I just cannot believe you're here. 哦，我真不敢相信你回来了

Penny, it's your lucky day! 佩妮你赚到了!

Three of the eggs are clearly not jumbo. 有三个蛋显然不是大号的

Grab your keys. 拿你车钥匙我们走!

Uh, Stuart, I was wondering Stuart if you could help me find something. 斯图尔特，我在想，你能不能帮我推荐点东西

Happy to, unless it's hope or a reason to live. 行，只要不是希望或者活着的理由就行

Oh, you make me laugh, sad clown. 噢，你真逗，可怜的娃

Anyhoo... Leonard will be back in a couple days and I need a welcome-home gift for him. 说正经的，莱纳德过几天就回来了，我准备给他准备一个欢迎礼物

As he's been at sea, perhaps something with a nautical theme might be appropriate. 他出海去了，所以我觉得与海洋相关的东西不错

Okay, well, I don't know how much you want to spend, but I do have this pretty cool Aquaman statue. 好的，不知道你准备花多少钱，不过我有一个很不错的潜水侠的雕像

Aquaman? Oh, this isn't a gag gift, Stuart. 潜水侠? 哦，斯图尔特，我不是准备送个恶作剧礼物。

Yeah, just as well. It's a pretty rare piece. I'd rather just sell it to a real collector. 好吧，无妨，这个是珍藏版，我应该把他卖给一个真正的收藏者

I'm a real collector. 我就是个真正的收藏者

How rare is it? 这玩意儿有多稀罕?

Oh, I shouldn't even have mentioned it. 哎哟，我压根不该把这个拿出来

How about a Batman squirt gun? 你看这个蝙蝠侠水枪怎么样?

Don't try and trick me into buying something I don't want. 别想哄骗我，买我不想买的东西

Now let's talk about Aquaman. 还是回来说潜水侠

What were they thinking, putting Doctor Octopus's mind in Spider-Man's body? 怎么想的，居然把章鱼博士的思想放到蜘蛛侠的身体里?

Well, I've been quite enjoying that. 我可喜欢这段了

It combines all the superhero fun of Spider-Man with all the body-switching shenanigans of Freaky Friday. 这把《蜘蛛侠》的英雄趣味，《辣妈辣妹》互换身体的恶趣味有机的结合在一起

Both versions: original and Lohan. 《辣妈辣妹》的76年原版和罗翰出演的版本

"Both versions: original and Lohan." You're an idiot. 76年原版和罗翰出演的版本。你个蠢货

Hey, what's your problem? 嘿，你肿么了?

I'm sorry, I've been kind of snippy lately. 对不起，我最近有些暴躁

It's probably this stupid diet I'm on. 应该是我在节食引起的

Why are you on a diet? 你干嘛要节食?

I've put on a couple pounds. 我长胖了

Had to buy these pants in the men's section. 我得去买成年男士的裤子来穿了

Well, we've all seen your mom. 哎哟，我们都见过你娘

That Butterball turkey was bound to come home to roost. 基因遗传，你注定最终也会...

$1,200! That's my final offer! 一千二!不能再高了!

All right, Sheldon, you win. 好吧谢尔顿，算你走运

I'm sure Leonard is gonna love this. 莱纳德一定会很喜欢的

Oh, right, a present for Leonard. 哦对了，还要给莱纳德买个礼物

You better throw in that squirt gun. 那你把那把水枪附送给我吧

Yeah, I don't know. This squirt gun, it's, uh, it's pretty rare. Ooh. 这个嘛，不行呢，这把水枪也很罕见的。噢!

And this is me doing the Titanic pose on the boat. Ah. And... oh. 这是我在船上做泰坦尼克的的动作。哦。还有，噢

That's me getting rescued after I fell in. 这是我做完动作掉水里后，被救起来

Oh. Oh, that's the pizza. Yep. 哦，噢，应该是比萨来了。哦也

Here's some money. Thank you. 钱给你，谢啦

And I'm gonna hit the head. 我要去方个便

That's what us salty sea dogs say when we have to go pee-pee. 我们这些老水手要尿尿就这么说

Hey. $22.50. Okay, here's, uh, $25. Keep the change. Seriously? 嘿，二十二块五。这是二十五块，甭找了。就这么点?

I just walked up, like, four flights of stairs. 我可是辛辛苦苦爬四楼上来的

Oh. Okay. Well, here's, um... 这样啊，好吧，那再给你

30-something cents and a promise I won't call your boss and tell him you reek of marijuana. 3毛火星币外加我保证不打电话告诉你老板，你浑身一股大麻味道

Oh, Penny, I see you've ordered pizza. 哟，佩妮，看你买了比萨

I have Chinese food. That's nice. 我买了中餐。挺好呀

Oh, that's a rather earthy cologne. 哇，这个古龙水闻起来很粗犷啊

My uncle used to wear that. 我叔叔原来也是用那个味道

Perhaps we can enjoy one last meal together before Leonard returns. 莱纳德回来前，一起吃个最后的晚餐吧

Yeah, thanks, but I kind of feel like eating alone tonight, so... Are you sure? 这个，承蒙好意，但是我今天想自个儿吃。你确定?

With your Italian pizza and my Chinese noodles, we could play Marco Polo. 你的意式比萨和我的中式面条，我们可以扮演马可·波罗

I mean, of course, a reenactment of a meal in the life of Marco Polo the Venetian explorer, not Marco Polo the terrifying water sport. 我说的是一顿饭局，重演那位威尼斯探险家在中国的经历，而不是说那种骇人的水球运动

Uh, yeah, it sounds fun, but no thanks. 听上去是挺有趣的，不过还是算了吧

Have a good night! What, now... do you have company? No. No, no, no. 晚安！诶?你有客人吗?没没没

You know what? Th-The toilet's been doing that. I called the building manager, so... Oh, I can take a look at it. Well... I'm quite familiar with plumbing. 你知道吗?那个马桶老自己冲，我给物业打了电话的，这样啊，我来帮你看一看，我可是疏通管道的专家

Not to brag, but I spent most of fifth grade with my head in a toilet.  这可不是吹的，我五年级长期被人把头塞在马桶里。

Yeah, no, no, no. You know what, Sheldon, it's okay. 别别别，谢尔顿，没关系的

You don't have to go into the bathroom. 你不用去厕所

That's curious. 奇了怪了

If there's no one here, why are there two glasses of wine on the table? 要是没客人，你怎么桌上放俩杯子呢?

Oh. Well, you know, I-I've got two hands and a bit of a drinking problems.  哦，因为，因为，我有两只手啊 

Of course. Asked a silly question. Oh. 当然了，问题真蠢。额

That's odd. Um, what? 奇了怪了，神马?

There are takeout containers in the trash can. 你这垃圾筒里，有外卖饭盒

So? That's my dinner from last night. 怎么了，我昨天晚上吃的

What's odd is they're in the trash can. 奇怪的是，你还会把垃圾丢桶里?

Okay. I promise there's no one's here. I've had a long day. I just want to have a quiet dinner by myself. 好吧，我保证没人在这儿，我今天比较烦，我就想自己安静的吃个晚饭

Oh, very well. I'm no stranger to enjoying the pleasures of solitude. 那好吧。我也很喜欢自己一人

Oh! What? Have you gotten Leonard a welcome-home gift yet? No.  对了!又咋了?你给莱纳德买了欢迎礼物吗?没，

Oh, great. Do you want to go halfsies on a $200 squirt gun? 太好了，你想不想跟我平摊 一个200块的水枪?

Hi, honey. Hey. I made some brownies. You want one? 嗨，宝贝儿，好呀，我做了些布朗尼蛋糕，来一块?

You're kidding, right? 你在开玩笑，对吧?

I mean, you know I'm trying to lose weight. God, I thought we were partners in this marriage. 你知道我最近在减肥，我以为我们是一条心呢

We are. Stop it. And for the last time, you're not fat. 我们是呀，别闹了，我最后说一次，你一点都不胖啊

Really? Tell that to the bathroom scale, 'cause one of you is lying. 真的?你去看看我体重秤的数字，要不你错，要不秤错

Fine, forget I asked. 算了，当我没问

How was dinner at your mom's? Awful. 和你妈妈饭吃得怎么样?烂透了

I had to rub her ointment all over her again. 我又得给她全身擦药膏

Why can't she do it? 'Cause we've got a deeply unhealthy relationship. 为什么她自己不能擦?因为我和我妈有着很不健康的关系

Which reminds me, do you think you can get any samples of this from work? 这倒提醒我了，你能从实验室带点这些样品来不?

This was supposed to last her a month, but they didn't take into account the square footage of her back. 本来能撑一个月的，当他们显然没考虑到她的虎背熊腰

Let me see. How long have you been putting this on her? 我看看，你给她涂多久的药膏了?

I don't know. Few weeks. Why? 不记得了，几周吧，怎么了?

This is really strong estrogen cream. 这是很强效的雌激素药膏

Please tell me you've been wearing gloves. 别告诉我，你没戴手套

Like these swollen sausages could fit in gloves. 我的香肠肥手指，还能塞进手套吗

Howie, the estrogen's getting absorbed by your skin. 豪伊，雌激素会通过皮肤被吸收的

That's why you've been all bloated and moody and a giant pain in the ass. 这是为什么你最近有点发胖，有点不开心，而且非常惹人厌

You're full of estrogen and you don't act like that. 你全是雌性激素，你并不这样呀

That's 'cause I'm a woman. 因为我是女人

I've had years of practice riding the dragon.  我有好多年来练习征服雌激素啊。

Fine. I'll wear gloves next time. 好吧。下次我戴手套

It's still gonna take a few weeks for the hormones to leave your system. 还是需要几周，雌激素才会降下来

I feel so stupid. And fat. 我真是太蠢了，还这么肥

It's okay. You still look great to me. 没事，你在我眼里还是很帅

In fact, why don't we go in the bedroom and I'll prove it to you? 不如我们进卧室，我亲自证明给你看?

Sex? Really? I mean, that's just your solution to everything! 做爱?你真这么想?什么问题你都用做爱来解决!

Oh, and here's a fun thing. 跟你说个好玩的

I worked it out so that there are two different words for spoon: 我发明了两个词可以表示"匙子"

"planko" and "janko". "阳匙"和"阴匙"

"Planko" is a spoon with food, "阳匙"指盛了食物的匙子

"Janko" is a spoon without food. "阴匙"是没有食物的匙子

"Janko" is spelled with a silent "ptang". 同时"阴匙"里面暗藏了阴道的"阴"字

Sheldon, you're not even listening to the rules of my made-up language. Yes, I am. 谢尔顿你都没在听我自创语言的规则，我在听呀

Then what does "tweepadock" mean? Uh... elephant? Lucky guess.  那"tweepadock"什么意思?这个嘛...大象?算你走运，

I'm sorry. I'm just distracted by something that happened over at Penny's. What happened? 对不起啦，我因为佩妮的事有点分心。什么事?

I fear Penny is being unfaithful to Leonard. What? 我担心佩妮会给莱纳德戴绿帽。你说什么?

She claimed to be alone when there was obviously someone else in her apartment. 她声称自己一个人，但她屋里显然还藏着个人

I have no choice but to assume the worst, given Leonard's lengthy sea voyage and her famously ravenous nether regions. 我只能往最坏了猜，毕竟莱纳德长期远航，而她又是出了名的饥渴

I don't think Penny would cheat on Leonard. 我不觉得佩妮会劈腿

Oh, really? She and I once had a staring contest. 真的吗?我们有次玩了个瞪眼比赛

She clapped really loud and made me blink. 她大声拍手害我眨眼

It's a small leap from there to sexual infidelity. 这离感情的背信弃义就差一小步了

You're being ridiculous. 这太荒唐了

Amy, there were Chinese food containers... in the trash can. Poor Leonard. 艾米，我看到中餐饭盒竟然在她垃圾桶里。可怜的莱纳德

Do you hear anything? 听到什么声音不?

I hear a woman's voice. 女人的声音

Is it Penny? 佩妮的声音?

No, it's you. 你的声音

All right, I hear whispering and giggling. 好了，我听到窃窃私语和偷笑了

Now I think I hear kissing. 这下我听到接吻了

Yeah, like you know what kissing sounds like. 就跟你知道接吻是什么声音似的

There's kissing in Star Trek, smarty-pants. 《星际迷航》里有接吻好么，自作聪明

Let me listen. 让我听听

Sounds like Leonard. Please. 好像是莱纳德的声音。拜托

Why would Leonard come home early and waste his time kissing Penny, when he could be hanging out with his best buddy? 莱纳德怎么会提前回来，在这浪费时间亲佩妮，而不和他最好的兄弟一起玩呢?

Yeah, that's it. 就这么着

I'm catching her in the act. 我要捉奸在床

No, Sheldon, don't. 别别，谢尔顿别

Aha! What the hell?! Leonard? 啊哈!什么情况?!莱纳德是你?

Sheldon, you cannot just barge in here like that! Right. 谢尔顿，你不能就这么闯进来啊!你说得对

Penny! Penny! Penny! Are you going to answer the door or should I open it and say "aha" again? 佩小花!佩小花!佩小花!你是来开门呢,还是我自己进来再喊一次"啊哈"?