Yep. Hey, and maybe this time you don't try and talk sports with the guys. 好了，也许这次，你就别试着和我的朋友聊体育运动了

Some sports bar. It's like they never even heard of Quidditch. 不就是运动酒吧嘛，好像他们从来没听说过魁地奇（《哈利·波特》系列中重要的空中团队对抗运动）

Do we really have to go? 我们真非得去吗?

Oh, come on. Every time we're about to hang out with my friends, you don't want to. 拜托，每次我们准备和我的朋友聚聚时，你都不愿意

It's like, "It's too loud," or "the bathroom's too dirty," or "they put a chicken wing in my ear..." I mean...  总是嚷嚷， "实在太吵啦"，"卫生间太脏啦" 要不就是，"他们把鸡翅放我耳朵里啦"之类的，

Well, you're-you're right. Let's just go. 好吧，你说的对，我们走吧

Hey, what's going on with you? Nothing, I'm fine. 你到底怎么了?没事，我没事

All right, hang on. is this still about your mom's book? 等下，还是因为你妈妈的书?

No. Not everything is about my mom. 不不，不是什么事都跟我妈有关

'Cause if you're still upset about that, we don't have to go. Except this is totally about my mom. 如果你还对这事不高兴，我们不一定要去啊。但这次还真得怪我妈

I'm so sorry. I never should have read that book. 我很抱歉，我真不该看那本书的

You know what? You want to just get dinner and watch the game here? 要不这样?你想不想去吃晚饭，然后在这看比赛?

That sounds nice. Okay. 听起来不错， 好呢

Or, you know, we could get take-out and watch the Blu-ray extended version of The Hobbit movie with commentary track. 或者，我们可以叫外卖，然后看带评论音轨的蓝光扩增版《哈比人历险记》

On account of how sad I am about my mom. 因为我对我妈的事好难过

Leonard, you ready for lunch? One sec! 莱纳德准备吃午饭了不?等下!

Hey. Sorry. Hi, Penny. Hi. All right, sweetie. You hang in there today. 抱歉，你好，佩妮，好呀，好了，亲爱的，你今天再坚持一下

I'll try, but I might be sad again tonight. Okay. 我会尽力的，但今晚心情可能又会忧郁。好

Wow! Sex at work?! 喂喂!工作时间做爱?!

Leave it alone. That's my girlfriend. Sorry. Who just had sex with me at work! 多大点事，那是我女朋友。你说得对。瞧瞧刚刚谁跟我工作时间做爱了!

Damn. How'd you swing that? 我去，怎么做到的?

Well, whenever I talk about how awful my mom was, Penny will do anything to make me feel better. 每次我说到我妈对我多不好，佩妮就愿意做任何事来弥补我

Seriously?  Look, I mean... I'm not proud of it, but it does work. 真的假的?我是说...我并不觉得骄傲，但确实管用

I-I got her to watch a six-part documentary on Monty Python. 我都让她陪我看了关于"巨蟒组"（英国六人喜剧团体）的6集纪录片

Even I was bored, I just wanted to see if she'd make it to the end. 我都觉得无聊了，我只是想看她能不能撑到最后

You sound kind of proud of it. I am; I'm really proud. 你听起来挺得意的呢。没错，我傲娇了

Hello, Sheldon. Is everything okay? Yes. Why? 你好，谢尔顿，一切可好?好呀，为什么这么问?

Well, the last time you made an unscheduled video-chat, there was a curly fry in your regular fries and you thought someone might be trying to slip you a mickey. 上次你不按计划突然跟我视频聊天，是因为有根卷薯条混在你的常规薯条里，你怀疑有人想给你下毒

April 13... a dark night, indeed. 4月13日，漆黑的夜晚，真心的黑

So what can I do for you? 那我能为你做什么呢?

I'm calling to invite you to a spontaneous date night tomorrow evening. 我诚邀你明晚参加一个计划外约会

Really? Yes. You were kind enough to watch Raiders of the Lost Ark with me. 真的?真的，你陪我看《夺宝奇兵》实在是很贴心

So I'd like to return the favor by inviting you to watch an episode of your favorite childhood television series, Little House on the Prairie. 为报答这份情意，我想邀请你来看一集你最爱的少儿节目：《草原小屋》

That sounds lovely. 听起来不错

Why are you rubbing your hands together? 你为什么搓手?

Um... I'm putting on lotion. Are you in or not? 这个...我擦点乳液，你来不来?

Of course I'm in. 当然来啦

Excellent. Then I shall see you tomorrow. 太好了。明晚见

Good night, Dr. Fowler. Good night, Dr. Cooper. Good night, indeed. 晚安，福勒博士。晚安，库珀博士，晚安，真心的

What a rube. Why would I put on lotion when I have such soft hands? 真是笨蛋，我这么嫩的手还需要擦乳液吗?

You were really quiet during dinner. Is everything okay?  晚饭你都没怎么说话，有什么事吗?

Yeah. I guess I was just thinking about my mom, and how sad my childhood was. 有点，我一直在想我老妈，想着我悲惨的童年

Yeah, I bet it sucked. I'm gonna take a bath; you do the dishes. 是呀，想来也是，我去洗澡了，你洗碗

How about I take a bath with you and see what happens. 要不我跟你一起洗，看看会发生什么

Here's what's gonna happen: I'm gonna take a bath, and you're gonna do the dishes. 我知道会发生什么:我去洗澡，你洗碗

That's it? No compassion?  就这样?没有怜悯?

Aw, poor Howie. We good? I'm gonna take a bath. 哦，可怜的华仔，好了吧?我去洗澡啦

Bernie... God, what is going on with you? 妮妮，哎...你到底怎么回事啊?

I'm sharing my pain. 我在对你倾诉苦衷啊

And I'm not buying it. Try again. 我不买账，再试试

I'm learning to be a man in a culture where it's increasingly difficult to know how...? 我一直学做一个男子汉，但在我家的环境里，却越学越难?

Strike two. 第二次警告

I'm copying Leonard. When he does this to Penny, they have sex and watch Monty Python. 我在学莱纳德，他对佩妮这么做，他们就会做爱，还看巨蟒组

Howard! I know. It was dumb, I shouldn't have done it. And it's making me feel sad... So sad. 霍华德！我知道，这太蠢了，我不该这么做的，而且让我感觉很难过...超难过

You know, why don't you take a bath? I'll do the dishes. 你还是去洗澡，我洗碗吧

Three, two, one... That's it. 三，二，一...搞定

Our dating profiles are live on the Internet. 我们的相亲资料已上传

Attention all shoppers: my business is open for business! 各位顾客请注意:"小弟弟"的生意开张了!

That's right, ladies. For all you know, I'm confident and fun to be around. 没错，各位女士，你们都知道，本人自信爆棚，诙谐惹人爱

Oh, cool, it tells you when someone's reading your profile. 哎哟不错，网络显示，有人在看你的介绍

"Jenny309." I hope that's not her weight. 昵称叫"詹妮309"，可别是她的体重啊

If it is, I'll... I'll take her. 如果是的话...这客我来接

Ooh, I got one, too. 喔，我也有访客了

The ladies are coming to us. 美女们扑面而来啊

Oh, man, if I'd started this years ago, I'd be divorced two or three times by now. 天哪，如果我早几年开始网上相亲，现在可能已经离过两三次婚了

What...? Another one. 哇，又来一个

You know, it... it's weird. When they're reading your profile, does it... does it make you feel exposed? 感觉... 感觉很怪，她们看你的资料的时候，会不会...会不会有种曝光的感觉?

Like they see you naked? 就好像她们看到你一丝不挂?

Well, they're not running away screaming, so, no. 她们没有尖叫着跑开，所以...没这感觉

I love Little House. 我超爱《草原小屋》

It made me want to live on a farm so much I tried to milk my cat. 它让我特别想住在农场，我甚至试过给我的猫挤奶

That tangy bowl of Cheerios was not worth the stitches. 只挤出来一碗恶臭的猫屎味"脆谷乐"，被抓伤我还缝了好几针，真不值

Well, you sit back, relax and enjoy a beloved childhood memory. 你放轻松，好好享受挚爱的童年回忆吧

You see that cabin there? 看见那个小木屋了吗?

I read they were illegally squatting on Indian land. 书里说，其实他们非法占用了印第安人的土地

Personally, I think what we did to the Native Americans was wrong, but this is your favorite show, not mine. 个人认为，我们对印第安人的所作所为是错误的，不过这是你最爱的嘛，不是我的

Oh, look at little Laura Ingalls, eating that peanut butter sandwich. Peanut butter?! 看小劳拉英格尔在吃花生酱三明治呢。花生酱?!

That's strange, since peanut butter wasn't introduced until the early 1900s. 好生奇怪，花生酱直到20世纪早期才被引进的

If I knew this show was about time travel, I would have watched it much sooner. 我要知道这是穿越剧，老早就看了

You're trying to get back at me for what I said about Raiders of the Lost Ark. That's silly. 我之前说《夺宝奇兵》的"坏话" 你这是在报复。荒唐

Almost as silly as Dr. Baker having a telephone, since telephones only existed in large cities at that time. 跟贝克医生有部电话一样荒唐，电话当时只在大城市里才有

This is more like Little House on the Preposterous. 还不如叫《荒原小木屋》 荒唐的荒

Sheldon, we're in a relationship. 谢尔顿我们这是在恋爱

When you get angry, just tell me. 如果你生气了就该告诉我

You don't need to seek revenge. 不需要暗中报复来解决

Are you sure? 你确定?

Every time my dad stayed out all night, my mom would put hamster poop in his chewing tobacco. 每次我爸夜不归宿，我妈就在他的咀嚼烟草里放仓鼠屎

Well, that's not how we're going to do it. Fine. 但是我们不用这样。好吧

I'm mad at you. 我很生气

Not only did you ruin Raiders for me, you may have ruined the whole franchise. 你不仅毁了《夺宝奇兵1》你可能还毁了整个系列

Except for the fourth one, which was bad before you got your mitts on it. 除了第四部，你来搅和之前它就是部烂片

I-I shouldn't have said it. I'm sorry. Thank you. 我不该说那样的话。对不起。谢谢

Do you feel better? Yes. 感觉好点了吗?是的

But not as good as I'm going to when I tell you that your precious Garfield has no reason to hate Mondays. 但说了这句感觉更爽，你心爱的加菲猫根本没理由讨厌星期一

He's a cat. He doesn't have a job. 它是只猫，又不用上班

Hey, I was just-- what is happening? 嗨，我刚刚...这是哪出?

Oh, just a little treat. I know you've been feeling really bad about your mom lately. 就是一点小福利。我知道你最近因为妈妈的事心情沮丧

Oh, oh, I have. So bad. 噢噢，确实如此。跌入谷底

And I wanted to make you feel better, so I planned something very special for you. 我想让你心情好点儿，所以为你准备了份特别大礼

I can already feel it working. 已经开始起作用了

Hello, Leonard. Mom?! 你好，莱纳德。老妈?!

I understand you have been whining about my parenting in order to emotionally manipulate your girlfriend. I... 我听说你一直抱怨我的教养方式，以此在情感上操纵女朋友。我...

Bernadette told me everything. Now you don't get the left or the right. 伯纳黛特什么都告诉我了，现在左右半球全部落空

Let's discuss why you continue to involve me in your sex life. 我们来讨论一下为什么你总将我牵涉入你的性生活?

Oh, please, Mommy. No, Mommy. 拜托啊老妈，别啊老妈

When you were six years old, you walked in on me and your father naked. 你六岁时撞见我和你爸赤身裸体在一起

I was swatting his bottom with your brand new Ping Pong paddle. 我当时正用你的新乒乓球拍猛击他的臀部

I didn't dream that? 那不是我做的一个梦吗?

How did that make you feel? 看到这你是什么感觉?

Penny, come back! I'm sad for real now! 佩妮快回来!我现在是真的难过了!

In the last two hours, 162 women have read our profiles. 在过去的两个小时里，有162名女性查看了我们的资料

How many of them have sent us messages? 有多少人给我们发了消息?

Combined? Yes. Zero. 总共吗? 是的。零

Dude, this is... this is brutal. 老兄，这也太...太残忍了

I don't think I've ever felt so rejected. 我从没像现在这样感到被排斥

And I had a rescue dog who ran back to the pound.  我的情感搜救犬都跑回了笼子，

This is the worst. If we're gonna get shot down, we might as well just go to a bar and do it old school. 太悲催了，如果我们要被击垮，还不如去酒吧，使出常用招数嘛

And make them look us in the eye. Yeah, anything is better than this. 四目交接，是啊，总比这样要好

Hello. Not interested. 你好，没兴趣

I was wrong. This is worse. 我错了，这样更悲催

Wait, wait-- if it wasn't for Indiana Jones, the ark would never have ended up at the warehouse! That's true! 等等，要不是印第安纳琼斯，宝物最后不可能回到了仓库!对啊!

He collected and delivered the ark to the proper authorities for filing. Like a hero! Yeah! Yes! Right! 他重拾宝物，还把宝物归还给有关部门保存，像英雄一样!是啊!对!

Although, technically, Indy was supposed to take the ark to a museum to be studied. He couldn't even get that done. Aw... 不过，从严格意义上说，印第安纳琼斯应该把宝物送到博物馆去研究的，他连这都办不成。嗷...