I'm thinking about how one could use the fact that a rapidly rotating mirror turns virtual photons into real ones as a method of observing dark energy. 我在想怎么能利用一面迅速旋转的镜子能将虚粒子转化为实粒子来作为观察暗物质的方法

That's a pretty cool idea. 这想法太酷了

Yeah. It's great you're here. 是啊，你在这太好了

I'd love to get an engineer's opinion. Sure. 我正好想听听工程师的想法，乐意效劳

This chair is squeaky. 这椅子老吱吱响

Now, do I fix it or get a new one? 你觉得我是修呢还是买个新的?

Well, Sheldon, it took me all morning, Sheldon but I found the owner of the video store. 我花了一早上的时间，但我找到了那家音像店的老板了

And I am happy to report that he died peacefully in his sleep, drunk at the bottom of a pool. 我很高兴的告诉你他已在睡梦中安详地死去，在游泳池底烂醉如泥了

Anyway, there is no one to return the DVD to, so this issue is resolved. Ah... 不管怎样，DVD就没法还了，所以问题解决啦。啊...

And I'd just like to point out that even though the sweater was uncomfortable, I didn't use it as an excuse to antagonize everyone around me. 我想指出的是，尽管这件毛衣让我极其不舒服，我并没有找借口去敌视我周围的每一个人

You know, you could reimburse the video store owner's next of kin. Or it's resolved! 你知道你可以赔偿给这家音像店老板最近的亲属。或者就当这问题解决了!

Hey, that next of kin thing sounds pretty good. 嘿，还给最近的亲属这主意听起来挺不错

I believe this is yours. 我想这是你的吧

Can I ask you guys a question? 我能问你一个问题吗?

So, I'm seeing Lucy tomorrow night, and I've never hung out with someone who broke up with me. 我明天晚上要去见露西，可是我从来没有和一个和我分手的人出去过

How do you do it? 你是怎么做到的?

You can't let her know you're hurting. You know, the key is confidence. 你不能让她知道你很受伤。你知道的，关键就是自信

Why is the key always confidence? 为什么自信永远是关键呢?

How come it's never love handles and flop sweat? 为什么不是腰间赘肉和紧张得出汗呢?

If this girl hurt you so much, are you sure you want to see her again? 既然这个女孩伤你这么深，你确定你还想再见她吗?

Well, if I may... he has so little self-respect and is so desperate for the smallest crumb of affection 我能插一句吗...他没什么自尊可言，又这么绝望得想得到一丁点喜爱

she could literally sleep with his own father in his own bed and post the video to YouTube, and he'd still buy her flowers and ask her to be his bride. 她都能在他床上和他爸爸做爱，然后把视频上传到YouTube上，最后他仍会给她买花，然后娶她为妻

He's right. But in my defense, if we could survive that, we could survive anything. 他说得对，但从我的角度来说，如果我们连这种事都挺过来了，还有什么挺不过来呢

Well, if you're sure you want to do this, it's only coffee... just relax and see what happens. 好吧，如果你确定你想这么做，只是喝杯咖啡...放轻松点然后静观其变吧

Well, can I say she looks nice? Sure. 嗯，我能说她很漂亮吗?当然

Can I tell her I miss her? 我能告诉她我很想她吗?

Maybe, if she asks. Oh, can I show her an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our children and grandchildren? 也许吧，如果她问的话。噢，我能给她看那张我画的的油画上面有我们子孙绕膝的场景吗?

I'd save that for the second date. 那句话还是第二次约会再说吧

Good, good. 'Cause no matter how hard I try, I cannot get the twins to look alike. 好的，没问题。因为我无论怎么努力，都不能让双胞胎长的一样

What are you doing? 你在干啥?

Oh, I'm just trying to find the stupid next of kin to this stupid video store owner, so I can return the DVD and  哦，我只是在找这个二逼音像店老板的二逼最近亲属，这样我就能把DVD还回去了，

see the look on Sheldon's stupid face when he sees that I didn't let this get to me. 然后看看谢尔顿意识到这件事没有让我抓狂时那张傻脸上的表情

Sheldon's not here. Why don't you take the sweater off? Th-Th-There's a principle at stake! 谢尔顿没在这啊，为何不把毛衣脱了?在危机关头需要坚持原则

Which is? Oh, I don't know. Who cares? Look at me! 什么原则?  我不知道。管他呢? 看看我

Oh, my God! Is that sweater made of bees? 天呐！那个毛衣是蜜蜂做的吗

Come on, take it off. I won't tell. No, no, honey, if I take it off, Sheldon wins. 来吧，脱了它，我不会说的，不不，亲爱的，如果我脱了，谢尔顿就赢了

Sweetie... every night you don't kill him in his sleep, he wins. 宝贝，每一个你没有在他睡觉时杀了他的夜晚他都在赢

Nah, i-it's... it's almost done. I just, I have to find... the next of kin, and  额，就... 就快好了，我只需要找到...最近亲属，

send 'em the DVD and then just wait for someone with my complexion to die, so I can get a skin graft. 然后把DVD送还给他们，然后等着和我有一样皮肤的人死去，这样我就能做个皮肤移植手术了

Smile. What-what is that? What is that for? 笑一个。那是什么?拍这个干啥?

So you can send it to Princeton and get your money back. 这样你就能把它寄到普林斯顿大学，然后把钱要回来

I must say, Sheldon, you're handling this DVD business with an impressive amount of maturity. 不得不说，谢尔顿，你处理DVD这件事表现出了惊人的成熟

I don't know why that surprises you. 我不知道你有啥好惊讶的

I'm a grown man. 我是个成年人了

As should be evident by this sport coat and very real flower in my lapel. 通过这件休闲西服和翻领上的花可以完全看得出

Is there some kind of new coping mechanism you're employing? 你是不是在使用某种新的应对机制?

The more interesting question you should be asking is, "What does this flower smell like?" 你更应该问的问题是这朵花闻起来如何?

I'm gonna go with sad. 我会猜它闻起来很伤心

So what's the story with you and this DVD? 所以说说你和这个DVD之间有什么故事?

There's nothing to tell. 没什么好说的

Maybe I purchased a book entitled, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and I followed its wise suggestions, one of which was: stop and smell the flowers. 也许我买了一本书叫做《别为小事抓狂》，然后我采纳了里面的建议，其中之一就是:停下脚步，闻闻这些花

Seriously? Please. 要不要这样?请吧

Ha-ha! Oh. Hi. Hello. 哈哈!噢，嗨，你好

Oh, it's so good to see you. You, too. Please, sit. 哦，真高兴见到你，我也是，请坐

I, uh, I got you a cappuccino. I remembered it was your favorite. 我...给你买了卡布奇诺，我记得这是你的最爱。

I also got crumb cake, but I remembered it was my favorite and I ate it. 我也点了碎屑蛋糕，但是我想起来是我喜欢吃的，所以我就吃光了

Anyway, uh, how are you? 那么，你最近如何?

I'm pretty good. 很不错

Listen, I just wanted to apologize for breaking up with you in an e-mail. Well, and I ate all the crumb cake. We both made mistakes. Okay. 听着，我很抱歉，我用邮件和你分手的，唔，我也把整个蛋糕都吃了，所以我们都犯了错。好吧

I'm so happy you asked me here, and I hope we can hang out again sometime. 我很高兴你约我来这，我希望我们以后还能一起出去

You know, as friends, lovemaking partners, whatever. 以朋友身份，或者性伴侣，随便啦

Oh, uh... I'm kind of seeing someone. 哦，唔...我已经在和人约会了

I think I know the answer to this, but just to be clear, it's not me, right? 我想我知道这个问题的答案，但是只是确定一下，那人不是我，对吧?

This is all your fault! 都是你的错!

I should've listened to Mun-Mun, because I've been playing with a cobra and her name is Penny! 我早应该听猫鼬蒙蒙的话，因为我一直在和一个眼镜蛇玩，她的名字就是佩妮!

Why are you so cruel? Do you enjoy my pain? 你为何如此残忍?我痛苦你很开心吗?

There's a girl at the Cheesecake Factory I can set you up with. 我在芝士蛋糕店认识个女孩，可以帮你撮合一下

I love you, Penny! 我爱你，佩妮!

How is it I can conceptualize a methodology of examining dark matter in the universe but can't figure out how to fix a novelty squirt flower? 为何我可以想出一个检验宇宙暗物质的方法，但是却无法把这个新型喷水花给修好

I think the real question is, why do you waste your time with cheap, childish pranks? 我想真正的问题在于为什么你把时间浪费在小孩子玩的廉价恶作剧玩具上?

There's probably a deep reason. 我想这其中有深层的理论

Which I'd be happy to discuss with you over some peanut brittle in a can. 我很愿意和你边吃花生糖一边探讨

Okay, Sheldon, I am out of options! 好吧，谢尔顿，我没辙了

Video store owner, Nursis Manookian, has no next of kin! 音像店老板没有亲戚!

Well, you seem hot under the collar... or is that the sweater? 唔，你看起来在领子下很热啊(很生气)，还是毛衣的问题?

Oh, oh, no, no. I-It's because I spent all afternoon at the Armenian church where his funeral mass was held. 哦，不不，不是的。这是因为我整个下午都在他办葬礼弥撒的那个亚美尼亚教堂

According to Father Solakian, no one attended. 据Solakian神父说没有一个人参加

Luckily, my trip wasn't a complete waste. I lit a candle and prayed for your death. But I'm not Armenian, so it probably won't work! 幸运的是，我不算白跑一趟，我点了根蜡烛，祈祷你快死，但我不是亚美尼亚人，所以这很可能没用!

This is over, right? 这可算完了，对吧?

Oh, not necessarily. 噢，那可不一定

I suggest you look for long-lost relatives either in Armenia or Lebanon. 我建议你可以找找他久未谋面的亲戚，在亚美尼亚或是黎巴嫩

Listen to me, Sheldon. 听着，谢尔顿

I am not going to Lebanon to return Super Mario Bros. the movie! 我不会到黎巴嫩去还你的超级玛丽电影!

You know, it might be fun. 你知道，这可能很有意思呢

You love hummus. 你可爱鹰嘴豆泥了

Why isn't this bothering you? 为什么这不会困扰你?

I-Isn't your brain getting itchy? 你脑子不是痒吗?

This is on your card. 这是你的卡借的

This could be ruining your credit score! Why isn't this making you crazy? 这会毁了你的信用记录!为什么这不会让你发疯?

Leonard... I have something to tell you, but I want you to promise not to flip out. 莱纳德...莱纳德...我有些事要告诉你，但我要你保证你不会抓狂

What? Seven years ago, I found out the DVD was late and I paid for it. 什么?七年前，我发现这个DVD已经逾期了，然后我就付钱买了

What? I was going to mention it at the time, but then I thought, some day, this might be a teachable moment. 你说什么?我那时本来是要告诉你的，但那时我想，也许有一天,这会成为一个具有教育意义的时刻

Hah... I... You... How can... What?! 你你...我...你...怎么能...神马?!

Sheldon... Sheldon... that was diabolical. 谢尔顿...谢尔顿...你太狠了

I know. And it wasn't easy. 我知道。这很不容易

Do you have any idea what it's like to wait for years and never know, if you're going to finally get satisfaction? 你能想象吗?这要等待数年却不知道最后能不能心满意足

Wow. You're even prettier than Penny said. 哇，你比佩妮说的还要漂亮

I can't believe a girl like you doesn't have a boyfriend. 我简直不能相信像你这么漂亮的女孩竟然没有男朋友

Well, I don't. I don't believe you, you're lying to me! 嗯，我是没有，我不相信你，你在撒谎!

What? Oh, it's okay. I have no morals and I'm desperately lonely. 什么?噢，没关系的，我很没节操而且我极度孤独

I'll be the other man, if you want a little something-something on the side. 如果你私下里需要一丝丝慰藉，我不介意当小三的

What is wrong with you?! What is wrong with you?! What is wrong with you?! 你脑子进了多少水啊?!你脑子进了多少水啊?!你脑子进了多少水啊?!