Ointment? Sure. 软膏?当然算

Now, would you say ointment is more, equal to, or less funny than kumquat? 那你觉得跟金橘比软膏是更搞笑，更不搞笑，还是一样搞笑?

I don't think I want to go out with you anymore. 我觉得我再也不想跟你出去玩了

Will you please stop joking around? I'm trying to figure this out. 你能别开玩笑了不?我这干正事呢

Sheldon, how many words are you gonna go through? All of them. 谢尔顿，你到底要过几个词啊，全部啊

You didn't get your part cut. 你没被剪

All right, baby, here's the deal. 好的，宝贝，你看这样行不

And you didn't get your part cut. 你也没被剪

Yep, bunch of old guys rocking out in a band, all with erectile dysfunction, you didn't get your part cut! 一群勃不起的老男人，搞乐队做摇滚，你们都没被剪!

Hey. Can we talk? 嘿。能谈谈不?

We can, but the part of Penny might get cut. 可以啊，但是佩妮的戏份可能会被剪哦

That was really crappy of me. 是我太过分了

What you're trying to do is hard, but people do make it, and I really do believe you could be one of them. Thank you. 你想做的事的确非常艰难，但还是有人做到了，我真心相信你也能做到。谢谢

And... to show you how much I believe in you, I kind of got you an audition. 还有...为了表示我有多相信你，我给你争取了一次试镜机会

Are you serious? For what? The new Star Wars movie.  真的吗?试的什么?最新的星球大战电影.

What?! How did you manage that?! There's this thing online, you put yourself on tape and just send it in anyone can do it. 什么?!你怎么做到的?!网上就有招募，你就把自己的带子传上去这事儿谁都能做

Come on Leonard, this is just a PR stunt. So? Even if it is, you have a huge advantage because you're an actual actress. 拜托莱纳德，这只是一场公关秀。那有怎么样?即便如此，你也有巨大的优势，因为你是个真正的演员

Most of the people doing this  are just weirdoes and nerds. 其他做这事的人都是些怪人和宅男

Wolowitz sent his in two days ago. 沃罗威茨两天前把带子传上去了

Really, let it go. Look, maybe it is a long shot, but sometimes long shots happen. 是么?还是算了吧。可能机会很小，但是有时候小机会也能有大成功

Luke Skywalker was only given one chance to destroy the Death Star. 卢克·天行者只有一次机会摧毁死亡之星

He had to get a torpedo into an exhaust port that was only two meters wide, but with the help of The Force, he... 他必须把水雷放进排气口，而排气口只有2米宽，但是借助原力，他...

Wow, I can feel you hating me right now. 哇，我现在已经感觉到你对我的怨念了

How about that lady in the sweat suit, speed-walking? 那个穿着运动服快走的女士怎么样?

Yeah, she seems friendly and easy to... Never mind, she's gone. 她看起来挺亲切，容易...算了，她走掉了

Yeah, maybe talking to people is too hard. 搭讪可能真的太难了

We could go over to that department store, practice on the mannequins. 我们可以去那个百货公司，和人形模特练练

I don't know. They're dressed very stylishly. They're probably stuck-up. 我不确定啊，她们穿得太潮了,估计很高贵冷艳

This is ridiculous. 太荒唐了

The next person that walks by, no matter who it is, they're the one. 下一个经过的人，不管是谁，我们就跟他搭讪

We're gonna die here. 我们得死在这了

Hello. Hey. Where's Sheldon? 好呀，好。谢尔顿呢?

He's home trying to use science to determine the basis of humor. 他在家呢，试图用科学确定幽默的主要成分

That's interesting. It's exhausting. 有点意思，是有点累人才对

Do you have any idea how hard it is to laugh at a knock-knock joke that starts with, 你知道那个敲门的笑话，有多难笑不，开头是

"Knock-knock-knock, Amy, knock-knock-knock, Amy, knock-knock-knock, Amy"? "咚咚咚，艾米，"咚咚咚，艾米，咚咚咚，艾米"

If you want him to stop, sometimes the easiest thing to do is just fake a laugh. 你想让他闭嘴，有时候最简单的办法就是，装笑

Fake a laugh? 装笑?

Do you ever do that with me? 你有没有这么对我?

No, of course not. 当然没有啦

Well, I'd be able to tell anyway. 反正真笑假笑我还是能分得出来的

I don't think you would. 我觉得你分不出来

Please, I've made plenty of girls laugh, sometimes just by asking them out. 拜托，我已经逗诸多妹子笑过了，有时候光说想约她，她就笑岔气儿了

Yeah? Well, I fake my orgasms. 你知道不，我也装过高潮

Yes, how much for a hundred long-stemmed red roses? 100朵长茎红玫瑰多少钱?

Really? How much for three? 真的?那3朵多少?

Hey. Yeah, I'll call you back. 嘿。晚点给你电话

Look, I know you were just trying to help with your Star Wars thing. I didn't mean to call it idiotic. 我知道你是想用星球大战试镜的机会安慰我，我不是故意说它白痴的

Well, I don't think you called it idiotic. Oh. 你好像没说它白痴。好吧

Sorry, I meant to. 不好意思，本来想说的

Anyway, um, I was just upset with myself. I wasn't mad at you. 不管怎么样，我只是对自己很失望，不是生你的气

I just feel like everything is falling apart. 我只是觉得所有一切都破碎了

Come on. It's okay. No, it's not okay! Look at me, okay?! I took a temp job as a waitress forever ago, and I'm still doing it. 没事会好的，一点都不好!你看看我，很久以前我就开始做服务员的临时工了，而现在我还在做这个

I can't quit, because guess what? 我都不能辞职，你猜为什么?

I can't do anything else. And I finally get my big break, and it goes away! 别的我都不会，最后我终于有了一个突破，却毫无结果!

I'm such a mess. 我真是一团糟啊

No, you're not. Really?! 你才不是，真的么?!

'Cause this morning at Starbucks, a pair of old underwear fell out of my pant leg! 今天早上在星巴克，一条旧内裤还从我裤腿里掉出来!

And it wasn't the only one in there. 而且这还不是里面唯一的一条

Okay, listen to me, this is just a minor setback. No, it's not, ! okay?! I've been out here for, like, ten years! I've nothing to show for it! 你听我说，这只是一个小挫折，不是小挫折好么?我已经这样大概10年了!毫无成就可言!

Well, you have me. 你还有我

You're right. I do have you. Let's get married. What? 你说得对，我还有你，我们结婚吧。什么?

Leonard Hofstadter... will you marry me? Um... 莱纳德·霍夫斯塔特先生，你愿意娶我吗?额...

Did you seriously just say, "Um"?! 你刚刚是真的说了个"额"么?!

Look, you know I love you, 你知道我爱你的

but-but you're-you're drunk and sad and feeling lost... Okay, so-so you don't want to marry me?! 但是你酒醉心碎，怅然若失的...行了，所以你不想娶我?!

That is not what I said. No, forget it! I take it back! Offer's off the table! Who's in the mood to laugh?! 我才不是这么说的，算了算了!当我没说!没机会了!谁想来笑一笑的?!

Really not a good time. 真的不是时候

But I used science to construct the perfect joke. I'm gonna go. Penny, don't. No, no, I just need to be alone. 但我用科学设计了一个完美的笑话，我先走了，佩妮，别。别拦我，我一个人静静

So, a sandwich, a rabbi and yo mama walk into a bar. 一个三明治，一位犹太教祭司，还有你妈妈走进酒吧

Where are you going? To my room. Should I follow you? No. 你去哪儿?回屋，我要跟你去吗?不用

Leonard, wait. What? 莱纳德，等下。怎么了?

I forgot to tell you the sandwich is promiscuous. 忘了告诉你，三明治是不规则的哟(又意"淫乱")

How about those guys on that bench over there? They look pathetic. 坐在长凳那边的几个人怎么样?他们看起来很可怜

I bet we could talk to them. That's a mirror. Oh, yeah. 我想我们可以过去跟他们聊会儿。那是个镜子。哦是哦

Hey, fellas, mall's closing. 两位，商场要关门了

Sorry. Yeah. Good night. 抱歉，没事，晚安

Uh, excuse me. Yeah? 打扰一下。怎么了?

Uh, do-do you like being a mall security guard? 你喜欢做商场保安吗?

It's all right. Okay, nice talking to you. Smooth...! 还行。好的，跟你聊天很开心。真有你的!

Can't sleep? No. 睡不着?是啊

Would you like to talk about it? 你想聊聊不?

Penny proposed, and I didn't say yes. Why not? 佩妮，向我求婚，我没答应。为什么不?

That's a good question. 好问题

Does that mean the relationship is over? I don't know. 这意味着你们分手了吗?我不知道

Why don't you ask her? 你为什么不问她?

Because I'm afraid to know the answer. 因为我怕知道答案

Well... I'm sorry. 好吧...我很遗憾

That's it? You're not gonna make some dumb joke or some inappropriate comment? No. 就这样了?你不说几个冷笑话或者不适宜的评论?不了

You're my friend, and... I'm sorry. 你是我的朋友...我很遗憾

Did you just put a "kick me" sign on my back? No. 你刚刚是在我背后贴了张"踢死我"的纸条吗?没啊

That wouldn't be funny at all. 那一点都不好笑

Star Wars audition, take one... starring Howard Joel Wolowitz, real-life astronaut. 星球大战试镜，第一次...试镜者霍华德·乔尔·沃洛维茨，货真价实的宇航员

Vader is here... now... on this moon. 韦德来了...现在...就在月球上

I felt his presence. 我感觉到了他的存在

He's come for me. 他要来找我

He can feel when I'm near... How many times do I have to tell you to replace the toilet paper when it's empty?! 他可以感觉到我在附近...我得告诉你多少次厕所纸没了要换啊?!

I'm in the middle of something! So am I! 我正有事处理呢!我也是!