I had a drunk uncle who did all those things. Nobody sings songs about him. 我有个酒鬼叔叔也会做这三件事啊。怎么没人唱歌歌颂他呢。

Maybe you'd like it more if you thought of Santa as a superhero and his power is bringing joy to children. 如果你把圣诞老人看做是超级英雄，有给孩子们带来欢乐的超能力，你会喜欢点。

My uncle was accused of that, too. It turned out to be legal in Oklahoma. 我叔叔也这样啊，结果被指控了。结果在俄州那是合法的。

Okay, new subject. Let's talk about presents. What did you get Amy? 好吧，换个话题。我们聊聊礼物吧。你要送艾米什么呀？

Oh, we're not exchanging gifts. 我们不会互送礼物。

Come on, Sheldon, you have to get her something. 拜托，谢尔顿，送礼物给女朋友是一定要的啊。

Why should I? She knows that I don't like Christmas, and yet, every year, she forces me to celebrate it. 凭什么？她明知道我不喜欢圣诞节，可是每一年都强迫我一起庆祝。

Not only am I going to this foolish dinner against my will. At the Christmas tree lot, there was mistletoe, and she kissed me under it in public. 不光是这次逼我参加白痴的圣诞晚餐。之前在圣诞树卖场那有一株槲寄生，她居然当众亲了我。

Like we were the stars of a Tijuana sex show. （圣诞习俗，两人站在榭寄生下得亲吻）我们就像墨西哥性爱秀的表演者。

She's just excited about the holidays. 她只是对节日感到兴奋而已啦。

Yes, and she's not taking my feelings into account at all. Maybe it's time I teach her a lesson. 是啊，而她完全不顾及我的感受。或许是时候给她点教训了。

How? 怎么做？

It'd have to be something heinous, something that makes her as miserable as she's making me. Oh, I've got it. This is good. 一定要给她来点狠招，极其邪恶的那种，就像她害我的那样。我想到了。这主意太妙了。

What? 是什么？

I'm going to buy her a present. 我要送她一份礼物。

Yeah, you're gonna have to walk me through that. 好吧，你得好好给我讲解一下。

With gift-giving, there's an implied social contract. If I show up tonight with a present, and she doesn't have one for me, she'll feel terrible. 礼品馈赠隐含了一种无形的社会契约。如果我今晚带着礼物去她家，而她却没有为我准备礼物，那她就会内疚。