No. How does it work? You just say, uh, "Hey, Siri, what time is it?" 不知道，怎么操作，你就说， "Siri，现在几点"

The time is 6:37 P.M. So now anyone can control your phone? 现在是下午6点37，所以现在谁都可以控制你的手机吗

Hey, Siri, show me pictures of naked grandma butts.  Siri，找老奶奶的光屁屁图给我看

Nice try. It only recognizes my voice. 想得美，它只会听从我的声音指示

Oh. Cool. Hey, Siri, show me pictures of naked grandma butts.  厉害，Siri 早老莱莱的框屁屁图给窝砍

I don't sound like that. 我的声音才不是那样

Here are some images of naked grandma butts. 这些是老奶奶的光屁屁图

Hey. Good news, everybody. Now that I'm no longer with Amy, I have an extra ticket to the annual Thanksgiving lunch buffet at the aquarium cafeteria. Who wants it? 好消息，各位，鉴于我跟艾米已经分手了，我有多一张水族馆餐厅的年度感恩节自助午餐票，谁想要啊

Well, you realize you won't be going alone, I'll be there the whole time. Providing fish and pilgrim facts. Can you people hear me? 你们知道不是自己去吧，我会全程陪伴并提供各种鱼类与移民的小知识哦你们听得到我说话吗

Well, we're having everyone over. 我们邀请了大家来聚餐

Yeah, Leonard and I are gonna be cooking all day. Otherwise we'd love to. But we can't. Yeah, poor us. 所以我跟莱纳德那天都得在家做饭，不然我们肯定超想去，可实在没办法，我们运气太不好了

And Raj and I are volunteering at the soup kitchen, feeding food to the homeless. 我跟拉杰要去粥棚当自愿者给无家可归的人发食物

Well, Howard, what about you? 霍华德，那你呢

Oh...I can't. I'm going to the soup kitchen, too. 我去不了，我也要跟去粥棚当自愿者

You said that sounded like the worst thing ever. 你明明说这是史上最烂的活动

If you can't support me when I'm lying, why are we married? 如果我撒谎时你不挺我，那我们结婚干嘛

Hi, Sheldon. What's up? 谢尔顿，有什么事吗

Well, I'm calling because Thanksgiving is coming up, and I wanted to offer you the aquarium tickets. 我打来是因为感恩节马上要到了，我想送你水族馆的票

No one can go with you? 没人可以陪你去吗

No. They'd rather spend the holiday with each other than find out if this is the year I finally touch a starfish. 没有，他们宁愿聚在一起过节也不想知道今年我会不会终于敢摸海星

Anyway, I wouldn't want the tickets to go to waste, so take whomever you'd like. Okay. Thank you. 我不想票就这么浪费了，所以你想带谁去就带谁去吧，好吧，谢谢

And feel free to tell your guest that the Myanmar catfish is also known as the pilgrim fish. 我不介意你跟你的伴说缅甸鲶鱼又称移民鱼这个小知识

In case the turkey's dry and you need something juicy. 以防到时火鸡肉太干，而你需要多汁有料的知识救场

Sheldon... I can tell you want to go, so if you'd be comfortable with it, maybe we could go as friends. 谢尔顿，我看得出来你很想去，所以如果你不介意的话，我们能以朋友身份一起去啊

You don't think that will be awkward? 你不会觉得这很尴尬吗

Well... it is Thanksgiving in an aquarium cafeteria, so I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say yes. 感恩节在水族馆饭堂里吃饭，我猜应该是会挺尴尬吧

But if you mean between us...I think it'll be fine. 但如果你是说我俩之间，我不觉得会尴尬

Very well, then. I'll see you on Thanksgiving morning. See you then. 那行，感恩节早上见吧，到时见

Oh, and forget what I said about the Myanmar catfish. My list of marinethemed pilgrim facts is pretty short. 先忘了我刚说的缅甸鲶鱼小知识吧，我的海洋主题移民小知识列表还挺短的

Did you know they served shellfish and eel at the very first Thanksgiving? And there goes my list. 你知道史上第一次过感恩节的时候上桌的菜还有贝类跟鳗鱼吗，小知识列表到此完毕了

So, how does this work? 所以这是怎么个运作方式

The soup kitchen manager assigns the jobs, and the shifts are six hours. 粥棚经理会给我们分配工作，一个班次是六小时

Six hours? Oh, God, I don't want to complain for that long. 要六小时啊，天啊，人家不想哇哇叫这么长时间啊

Do you ever do anything for anyone else? 你这辈子有为别人付出过吗

I happen to be a giving and generous lover. 小爷恰好是一位乐于"奉献"的爱人

Are you and I close enough for me to say that's creepy? 我跟你的关系好到可以说他很变态了吗

We are, and I believe the word you're looking for is... yech! 可以，而且我觉得你想说的字眼应该是"恶"

Uh, can I help you? Hi. We'd like to volunteer. 有什么能帮忙的吗，你好，我们想来当志愿者

Oh, I appreciate you guys coming down, but we already have enough people. Any other day, please, come back. Oh. Okay. 很谢谢你们特地跑一趟过来，但我们已经够人手了，平常任何时候，欢迎你们来，好吧

Wipe that smug smile off your face. 收起你脸上欠扁的笑容

Maybe I'm happy that so many people turned up to help the less fortunate. 我只是因为听到很多人来帮助不幸的人们，心中乐开了花而已啊

Are you and I close enough for me to say... 我跟你的关系好到可以说他...

That he's an ass? He beat you to it. 是个贱人吗，他已经抢先证明了

I was wrong. A large group had to cancel. 我说错了，有一大批人来不了了

Oh, great. We'd love to help. 太好了，我们很乐意帮忙

Wipe that smug smile off your face. I can't! 收起你脸上欠扁的笑容，臣妾做不到啊

Look at us! Our first Thanksgiving as husband and wife. 看看我们俩，我俩第一次以夫妻身份过感恩节

I know. I feel so grown up. 对啊，感觉自己是个大人

Sweetie, you are grown up. 亲爱的，你本来就是大人

Really? How many grownups do you know who have Mr. Spock oven mitts? 真的吗，有多少大人拥有史波克的烤箱手套呢

Hey, the recipes are on my iPad. Will you pull 'em up? Yep. 菜谱在我的iPad里，帮我点开，好

What's the code? My birthday. It's not working. 锁屏密码，我的生日，不对啊

It's just the four digits month and day. Nope. 就四位数字而已，月份加日期，不对啊

Let me see. Yeah, there. What number were you putting in? You don't know my birthday, do you? 我看看，可以啊，你输入的数字是多少，你不知道我生日，对吧

Yes, I do. Well, what is it? May. May what?  我当然知道，那你说说，5月，5月几号

I'm not gonna say your password out loud. That is not secure. 大庭广众之下我怎么可以说出来，太不安全了

You don't know your own husband's birthday. 你居然不知道你老公的生日

Well...you don't know everything about me. 你也不知道我的所有事情啊

Your birthday is December 2, you grew up on Perkins Street, the last four digits of your social are 7621, and the odds of me letting you forget this are zero. 你的生日是12月2号,你小时候的家在珀金斯街上，你的社保号码尾四位数是7621,想让我放过你不提这件事的几率是0

Oh, look at us. Our last Thanksgiving as husband and wife. 快瞧我们俩,最后一次以夫妻身份过感恩节

Hello.Hi. Ready for the aquarium? 你好啊，你好，准备好要去水族馆了吗

I am. You know, and in an effort to reduce awkwardness as we learn how to function as friends, I printed out a list of safe topics for polite conversation. 当然，对了，为了要减少尴尬，我们还得练习以朋友关系相处，我特意打了一张不会触碰地雷的聊天话题

If that makes you more comfortable. 这样你会好受点的话，那行吧

If there were a list of things that make me more comfortable, lists would be on the top of that list. 如果真有"能让我好受的事情"的列表，列表上的第一件就会是"列表"

Okay, now... Oh. "Since last we spoke, have you acquired any pets?"  好了，我看看，"我们最后一次交谈后，你有开始养宠物吗"

No. You? No.Um, "Since last we spoke, have you planned or gone on any vacations?" 没有，你呢，没有，我们上次交谈后，你有计划要去或已经去哪里度假了吗"

I might go visit my aunt next week. 我可能下周会去探视我阿姨

Mm. Your aunt in Modesto? 你在莫德斯托市的那个阿姨吗

No, the one in Bakersfield. 不是，是住在贝克斯菲尔德市的那位

Bakersfield. I see. Where has this list been all my life? 贝克斯菲尔德市，了解，这张列表怎么才出现在我的人生中

We're gonna have you washing dishes. Uh, aprons and rubber gloves are here just...scrape, wash and stack. If you need me, I'll be around. 你们今天就负责洗碗，围裙跟橡胶手套在这里，就...刷，洗，叠就对了，有事就叫我，我会过来

So we don't even get to be up front where the action is? 我们连战场前线都去不了吗

What difference does it make? 有什么差别啊

I don't know. I was hoping some poor kid would come up to me and say, Please, sir, I want some more. 不知道，我还希望会有可怜兮兮的小孩走到我面前跟我说，先生，求求你，再多给我点儿吧

You're in a soup kitchen, not a production of Oliver! 你丫是在粥棚工作，不是在《雾都孤儿》音乐剧现场

It's not like I'm expecting them to sing. 我又不指望他们会唱出来

...and then the next day was 73 degrees, and the day after that was 72, and then it was 72 again... 然后隔天是73度，再之后一天是72度，再往后又是72度

uh, then it was 74, and that brings us to today, at... I'd wear shorts if I had a pair 78. 再后来是74度，接着就到今天了，是...如果我有短裤我肯定穿的78度（25.5摄氏度）

Are we done discussing the weather? 我们讨论完天气了吗

I don't know if I'd call it "discussing". You kind of sat back and let me do all the work. 我觉得我们这称不上"讨论"啊，你就光坐在那，全都是我在论

Let's see what's next on the list. 看看列表上的下一项

Oh, here. Uh, "Do you whittle, and if so, what kind of knife do you..." 来， "你会木雕吗,如果会，你都是用哪种刀呢"

Sheldon. We've known each other a long time. We are perfectly capable of having a conversation without relying on a list off the Internet. 谢尔顿，我们已经认识彼此很多年了，我们绝对能正常地谈天说地，不用靠网上的某张列表

All right. Well, what should we talk about? 好吧，那我们应该聊什么

I don't know. Just ask me whatever comes to mind. 不知道，你想到什么就问什么吧

Very well. I know you've been seeing other men. Have you had coitus with any of them? 好的，我知道你有跟别的男人约会，你跟他们之中任何一人交媾过了吗

Man, I walked right into that one. 靠，我真是挖坑给自己跳

Next we need a teaspoon of pepper, which, I believe, was also the name of your childhood dog. 接下来我们需要一茶匙的胡椒，你小时候养的狗也正好叫胡椒

Fine. You think you know so much. Who's my favorite Spice Girl? Baby. 行，你觉得你知道很多是吧，我最喜欢辣妹组合中哪位辣妹，宝贝辣妹

Who's my favorite member of NSYNC?  Justin. "超级男孩"中我最喜欢哪一位，贾斯汀

Who's my favorite Backstreet Boy? 那我最喜欢的"后街男孩"成员是

Nice try. NSYNC forever. Damn it! 陷阱题，超级男孩一生推，靠

Face it, you can't stump me, I am the king of husbands. 你不服都不行，你碾压不了我，我就是丈夫之王

I know that you don't like the lingerie that I got you on Valentine's Day. I know you hate the word "moist". I know... 我还知道你不喜欢我情人节送你的那套内衣，我还知道你讨厌"湿润"这个词

Hang on. Wait, wait. Why don't I like the lingerie you got me? 等等，等等，我为什么会不喜欢你送我的内衣

Because it's orange and you think it makes you look like a slutty carrot. 因为它是橘色的，你觉得自己穿起来时像淫荡的胡萝卜

Interesting. I never told you that. Sure you did. 有意思，我从没告诉过你这件事，你当然说过

No. I never told anyone that. But I did write it in my journal. 并没有，我从没跟任何人说过，但我有写在我的日记里

What? I didn't know you had a journal. 什么，我都不知道你有日记

I also know your voice gets higher when you're lying. No, it doesn't. 我还知道你撒谎时音调就变高，人家才没有呢

You know, this reminds me of high school. You worked in a restaurant? 这让我想起了我高中时代，你在餐厅打工过吗

No, I was in India it was humid and smelled funny. 不，我当时还在印度，又潮味儿又大

All right, I think I'm getting into a groove here. 我好像开始进入状态了

This isn't so bad. Only five hours and 40 minutes to go. 其实也不坏嘛，再过5个小时40分钟就结束了

We've only been doing this 20 minutes?! 刚才洗这么久了，才过了20分钟吗

You know, I read that washing dishes can be an excellent form of meditation. 我在哪里读过洗碗也能是一种很好的冥想方式

The key is that while washing the dishes one should only be... washing the dishes. 重点在于当你在洗碗时，身心灵该关注于... 洗碗

Just because you have that accent doesn't mean what you say isn't stupid. 虽然你有那异国东方口音，但不代表你说的话听起来就不傻逼

No, seriously. It's about being present in the moment, focusing on the feeling of the warm water, the smell of the detergent, 不，说真的，重点是活在当下，用心去感受水的温热，洗洁精的味道

the sound of the dishes squeaking, and following your own breath. It's about... it's about simply being. Okay. I'll try it. 盘子的磨蹭声，跟随自己的呼吸，天地之间，活在当下，好吧，我试试

I need three people out front. 外面需要三个人帮忙

I'll do it! Me!  Right here! 我去，我去，马上来

No fair! I was meditating! 不公平，人家刚在冥想呢