It's 2:25 A.M., and I feel the urge to urinate. My normal urination time is 7:10 A.M., 现在是深夜2点25，我有一股强烈的尿意，我正常的晨尿时间是早上7点10分

but here I am, in the middle of the night, struggling to keep my mind sharp and my pajamas dry. 但在这夜半时刻，我却挣扎着要保持头脑清晰与睡衣裤干燥

It's only a matter of time before my tenuous grasp on reality fades. I suppose I should pee while I still know what a toilet is. 迟早有一天，我对现实薄弱的掌握力就会消失，还是趁没忘记什么是厕所前，赶紧去尿吧

Since when do you hum songs? 你什么时候开始哼歌了

What are you talking about? 你说啥呢

You were just humming. 你刚才在哼歌

Are you sure?Sometimes when my brain really gets moving, it makes noise. 你确定吗，有时候当我脑筋运转飞快也会发出声音

How does your brain feel about calculating the surface tension of the domain walls? 那你的大脑对于计算畴壁的表面张力怎么看

Let's see. Hey! I was humming. One point for Hufflepuff. 我看看，我还真是在哼歌，赫奇帕奇加一分

What song is that? 这是什么歌啊

Well... Hum it again. Is that the SpongeBob song? Who lives in a pineapple?Nope. 你再哼一次，是《海绵宝宝》的主题曲吗，是谁住在深海的大凤梨里，不是

Whatever. Can we just get back to this? 随便啦，能回到正题吗

I feel like I know what song that is, but I can't put my finger on it. 我总感觉我知道这首歌，但就是想不起是哪一首

My country, 'tis of thee No. 爱吾土兮自由乡，不是

It's just an earworm. It'll come to you. Okay. Respect,No. 只是歌曲卡脑里（耳虫）了，会想起来的，好吧，酋寸千日土，不是

Is this what we're doing the rest of the night? 我们今晚余下时间都要这样吗

I'm surprised you have to ask... 我很惊讶你居然还问... ?

Hello, yes, I was hoping you could help me. What song is this? 您好，是的，我希望你们能帮一下我，这首歌是什么歌呢

You don't know? Well, how dare you call yourselves a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? 你不知道吗，你们怎么好意思称自己为"摇滚名人堂"呢（西方摇滚界有举足轻重的地位）

My goodness. Do you sing along to the greatest hits of Elvis Presley with that mouth? 我的老天，你就是用这张脏嘴来跟唱猫王的传世杰作吗

Well, they were no help at all. 他们一点屁用都没有

Which is crazy, since rock and roll is all about good customer service. 真"不敢置信"啊，毕竟摇滚最讲究良好的客户服务了

Yeah. So you have a song stuck in your head. It happens to everybody. 你脑子里卡了一首歌，这在大家身上都发生过啊

Well, I'm not everybody. I have an eidetic memory. 我不是大家，我有过目不忘的记忆力

I should be able to remember what song this is, but I can't. Something's wrong with me. 我应该要能记住这是哪首歌的，可我就是想不起来，我脑子肯定哪里有问题

I told you if we were patient, he'd figure it out for himself. 我就说如果我们够耐心，他会自己发现这事

Oh... I was always afraid this day would come. This might be the first step of my descent into madness, where I gradually test the limits of public nudity. 我从以前就很害怕这天的到来，这可能是我变成疯子的第一步，然后我逐步探底直至在公众场合裸露

Public nudity? Eh, that just means going barefoot. 公众场合裸露吗，那只是意味着没穿袜子罢了

Hello? Hi, Dave. Uh, it's Amy. Oh. How are you? I'm fine. How are you? 您好，戴夫，你好，我是艾米，你好吗，我很好，你呢

Terrific. And pleasantly surprised to hear from you, given how I acted on our last date. 也很好啊，你打来真让我又惊又喜，毕竟上次约会时我的表现不太出色

Yeah, well, we both made mistakes, you know. 我们俩都有不好的地方嘛

I took the last breadstick, you gushed over my exboyfriend like he was Leonard Nimoy and you were my exboyfriend. 我吃了最后一根面包棒，你不停提我前任，就像我前任讨论他爱的《星际旅行》演员一样

So, to what do I owe the pleasure? 所以今天什么风把你吹来

Well, I was wondering if you'd like to get dinner again sometime. 我有点好奇你有没有兴趣找个时间再共进晚餐

Yes, please. Great. 好的，没问题，太好了

Let me just check my schedule, he said, trying to seem like a man with things on his schedule. 让我看一下行程表，他说道，好像他行程表上真有安排一样

How 'bout Saturday? 这周六如何

Uh, hmm...Let me see. Uh, Friday, farmers' market with Jay Z. Sunday, piano shopping with Elton John. Saturday works. 我看看，周五跟大牌嘻哈歌手去农贸市场，周日跟歌手艾尔顿·约翰去买钢琴，周六行啊

Oh. Did you know, at the United Nations, there's a Department for Outer Space Affairs? Really? Why? 你知道联合国里有一个外层空间事务部门吗，真的吗，为啥要这部门

They exist in case we ever make contact with an alien civilization. 以防哪天真有机会跟外星文明接触

Mm, boy, that's one of those jobs that's boring, boring, boring, then, "Oh, God! Where's the memo with what we do now?!" 这种工作大概就是无聊，无聊，无聊到死，突然"哇靠，我们该怎么做的备忘录放哪去了"

Oh, this is cool. So, a few weeks ago, I set up a fan page on Facebook for our band and... 这挺酷，几周前呢，我在脸书上给我们乐团开了个粉丝页...

Wait a second. How could you do that without consulting me? 等等，你怎么可以不问过我就做这种事

It's not a big deal. It just took, like, five minutes to set up. 这又不是什么大事，就花五分钟就能弄好的东西

That's not the point. When we created Footprints on the Moon, we agreed that every band decision would be mutual. 这不是重点，我们创立"月球足迹"乐团时，说好乐团所有决定都得经过两人同意

Now you're just trying to take over the whole thing. 你现在就是想独揽一切

You know, maybe I should go solo. But someone joined our page. We have an actual fan. 或许我该单飞，但有人加了我们的粉丝页，我们有一个粉丝了

All right. This thing's bigger than you and me band's back together. 好吧，这事比咱俩重要乐团重组

So, listen to what he wrote. 你听他写了什么

Uh, "I saw you play at the comic book store. You guys rock." 我看到你们在漫画店的演出，你们屌爆了"

And then there's a animated smiley face raising the roof like this... 然后还有一张笑脸的动图，像嗨到要掀了房顶一样

We did raise the roof that night. Yeah, we totally did. 那晚我们的确是嗨爆了全场，绝对啊

Why do rock stars do drugs when this feels so great? 摇滚明星为啥要嗑药啊，这感觉明明爽炸了

Why can't I recall this song? This is taking far too long. The urge to bang my head against the wall. 为何我想不起这首歌,这耗太久了，这让我想用头撞墙的冲动

Again and again and again and again and again is strong. 撞撞撞，撞了又撞，撞完还撞的感觉强烈

Put on some headphones. 插上耳机好吗

No. They make my earlobes sweat. 不要，戴了我耳垂会流汗

Uh, sweetie, why don't you take a break and do something else for a while? 亲爱的，你为何不先别想这事，先去做点别的事情呢

There was a project I've been thinking about starting. 的确有一个我想着要开始的计划

Okay, great. What is it? I'll show you. 很好啊，什么计划，我给你看

Dear Crazy Future Sheldon, you were driven mad by an earworm. 致亲爱的未来已疯谢尔顿，你被卡脑歌给搞疯了

Your mind, once your most trusted asset, is now a sack of parrots and monkeys. 你的头脑，你曾经最信任的本钱现在就是浆糊加豆腐渣

So...I'm going to tell you everything you need to know. 所以我要告诉你一切你需要知道的事

Uh, first, music is dangerous. The movie Footloose tried to warn us,but we wouldn't listen. 首先，音乐非常危险，电影《浑身是劲》试图要警告我们，但我们并未听从

Oh, wait.Everybody cut footloo...Nope. 等等，大家解放双... ? 不对

I'll pay $1,000 to watch you cut footloose. 我愿意出一千块看你像电影里跳舞

This is Penny. She is your friend. If she offers you food, it's safe to take it. You probably paid for it, anyway. 这位是佩妮，她是你的朋友，如果她要给你食物，可以放心吃，反正估计那也是用你自己的钱买的

So, you're really going out with Dave again? 你真的要再跟戴夫出去约会吗

Why not? He's actually a very nice guy. 有何不可，他其实是个很好的人啊

But he spent an entire date talking about how much he loves Sheldon. 但上次整个约会中，他不停地说自己有多爱谢尔顿

That's nothing Sheldon hasn't done before. Dave's just a big fan of his work. 谢尔顿也常说他有多爱自己啊，戴夫只是很仰慕他的研究

Besides, he said he wouldn't bring it up again. 而且他说他不会再提了

Okay. So where's he taking you? 好吧，这次他要带你去哪吃饭

Oh, he's coming here. I'm actually making dinner. 他会来家里，这次是我要下厨

Oh. That's a big step. It is? 这是很大的一步啊，是吗

Yeah. You're inviting him into your home. It's intimate. It's where your underpants live. 对啊，你邀请他到自己家里来，这是很亲密的事，这里可是你小内内的家啊

You know what? Good. I tried to get back together with Sheldon; he shot me down; Dave likes me. Maybe intimate is what I need. 其实呢，这样最好，我试图要跟谢尔顿重修旧好，他拒绝了我，而戴夫喜欢我，或许我需要的就是亲密

You sure? You've never really been with a man. Do you really want to start with one that's sixfootseven? 你确定吗，你基本都没跟男人亲密过，你确定要从一个两米的大高个开始吗

Why not? 'Cause it's like taking your driver's test in a bus. 有何不妥，这就像开巴士考驾照，小孩玩大枪啊

Maybe we should post a comment back to our fan and thank him. 或许我们该回复我们粉丝的评论，谢谢人家

What should we write? 那我们要回什么

How 'bout, uh... Oh, how 'bout, "We might be Footprints on the Moon,but your kind words sent us over the moon." 这么回怎么样，或许我们是月球足迹，但你的评论让我们爽得离开月球表面"

Someday you're gonna make an amazing grandma. 以后你一定是专煮心灵鸡汤的好奶奶

What do you want to write? 那你想回什么

Something badass, you know, like..."Thanks for diggin' our vibe. We'll keep rockin' if you keep rollin'." 要回酷一点，就像感谢知音人，我们继续摇，只要你不滚"

Dude, if I was wearing a bra, I'd throw it at your head right now. 兄弟，如果我有穿着胸罩，现在一定脱下来甩给你了

I'll keep rockin'. You don't do that. Okay. I posted it. 我会继续摇，求你千万别，好了，我回复了

So, who is this guy? Let's see. Uh, his name is Trent Monaco. 这家伙是谁啊，我看看，他叫特伦特·莫纳可

Cool name. Yeah. He's 24. He's a deejay. He brews his own beer. He's got awesome tattoos.Dude, he's got a hot girlfriend, too. 名字挺酷，是的，今年24岁，他是一名DJ，他自己酿制啤酒，有很酷的纹身，兄弟，他还有一个火辣的女友

Damn. I don't know if he's our biggest fan or I'm his. 靠，真不知道我跟他谁才是谁的脑残粉

Hey, Trent just liked our comment. He is so cool! 特伦特点赞了我们的回复，他好酷哦

No hard feelings, but I'm throwing my hypothetical bra at him. 希望你别介意，但我要把我的假想胸罩甩给他了

Oh, my God, he won't stop.How does he keep coming up with new ways to be annoying? 老天，他就是不罢休，他怎么老能有惹人烦的新招啊

Nobody knows. That's why he's number one. 没人知道，所以他是头号烦人精

Can you please go talk to him? 你能去说说他吗

Come on. I take care of him all day long. You do it for once. 拜托，我照顾他一整天了，你去一次

Once? Who got the gum out of his hair? 什么一次，谁帮他把头发的口香糖弄下来的

What do you want, a medal? It was your gum. Fine. I love you. Who cares? 这事还得给你颁奖吗，那可是你的口香糖，好吧，爱你哦，去死吧

What are you doing in my room? I...Stop it! That's mine! Why are you so strong?!  你来我房间干嘛,住手，那是我的，为什么你力大如牛

Problem solved. Oh, yeah, he got a tuba. 问题解决，对哦，他还有个大号

Dear Crazy Future Sheldon...this is a thermostat. It controls the temperature of the apartment. The ideal setting is 72 degrees. 致亲爱的未来已疯谢尔顿，这是恒温器，它能控制公寓的温度，理想的温度设置是22摄氏度

If you find this too cold, then put on a jacket. A straitjacket, 'cause 72's the best and you're crazy. 如果你觉得这温度冷，那就穿上衣服，疯子束身衣好了，因为22度最舒服，而且你疯了

Now... this...is your spot. You're very protective of it. 现在介绍，这里是你的专座，你会死命护住它

When anyone else tries to sit here, you berate them relentlessly. 一旦有人想坐这里，你会无情地斥责他们

It sounds mean, but somehow you make it adorable. People are also delighted by your love of pranks. 听起来很坏，但你总能让这事变可爱，人们也对你爱好的恶作剧感到愉悦

For example, Leonard has no idea what I did to his coffee. 比如，莱纳德完全不知道我对他的咖啡做了什么

It wasn't "Replace it with Folger's crystals," I'll tell you that much. 那不是"不含任何咖啡因的咖啡"，我只能透露这么多

Hey, can we please get back to work? This is Leonard. He's your best friend in the world. 我们能继续工作了吗，这位是莱纳德，他是你全世界最好的朋友

All right, just stop. This is ridiculous. 好啦，别录了，太可笑了

Sometimes he gets cranky, but you can trust him with your life. 有时他会变得暴躁，但他是值得信赖终身的人

And he does more things for you than I can even begin to list. Thank you. Oh, no, he's drinking it.  而且他为你做的事多到我数不完，谢谢，他喝了