It's a dinky little convention where they sell collectibles and get sad Dlist celebrities to appear. Why? 就是卖点周边，找几个没名儿的四线明星去撑撑场子其实根本没什么人会去，你问这个干什么?

I got asked to sign autographs there. 他们邀请我去签名

That's awesome! Is this for Serial Apeist? 这么棒!是，"杀人恶猿"那部电影吗?

Well, it could be for the monkey movie. 可能是猴子电影

It could be my hemorrhoid commercial. 也可能是我那个痔疮药的广告

The list does not go on. 毕竟我也没别的作品了

When is it?  It doesn't matter.  动漫节是什么时候?  管它呢

I'm not doing it. What? Why not? 我才不去。为什么不去啊?

You just said yourself, it's sad. 你自己说的，去的人都是没名儿的四线明星

Yeah, but it's not pathetic. 是啊，不过还没到可悲的地步

That's where I draw the line. 我觉得做人，只要不可悲就行了

Come on! We'll have fun. I don't know. 来嘛!会很好玩的。我也不知道

You'll have nerds fawning all over you. 到时候会有一群书呆子围着你转

If you don't love that, this marriage is in trouble. 要是这都吸引不了你，那我们的婚姻岂不是个笑话

I guess it wouldn't hurt to meet some fans and make a little extra money.Yeah. 大概，见见粉丝也没坏处吧还能挣点外快。是啊

Wow! An appearance by George Lucas...'s dermatologist. 天啊!乔治?卢卡斯也会去呢...（电影"星球大战"的导演）不对...是他的皮肤病医生

Oh, I want that autograph.  Oh, yeah.  那我也想要他的签名， 好吧

Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state 宇宙一度又烫又稠密

Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait!  140亿年前终于爆了炸...等着瞧!

The Earth began to cool 地球开始降温，

The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools 自养生物来起哄，穴居人发明工具，

We built the Wall We built the pyramids 我们建长城，我们建金字塔，

Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery 数学，自然科学，历史，揭开神秘，

That all started with a big bang 一切由大爆炸开始，

You know, with us living together, maybe we could think about having people over. 既然我们都同居了，我觉得我们应该找个机会邀请别人来家里做做客

We have people over all the time. 我们家里经常有外人来啊

We have the maintenance people, the pizza delivery man...that UPS driver who feels the need to ask how parts of me are hanging. 物业的人会来，外卖小哥会来...还有那个送快递的人非要强行跟我打招呼

You know what I meant.All right, fine. 你不要岔开话题。好吧

Let's say that we were to entertain people. 就算我们要请人来家里玩

What type of gathering did you have in mind? 你想怎么玩?

Huh? A meal? Lunch? Brunch? Dinner? 聚餐吗?那么，是吃午饭?早午饭?还是晚饭?

Afternoon tea? A formal tea? Hmm? 或者一起喝下午茶?是正式的那种吗?嗯?

Is it a party? And if so, what kind of party? 还是你想开趴?那你想开哪种趴?

Is it a cocktail party? A Tupperware party? 是有鸡尾酒的聚会?微波炉食品聚会餐?

Ooh, yeah... is it a surprise party? 对了...还是说你想开一个惊喜派对?

Oh, I hope it's not a West Coast party, 'cause according to the man on the radio, a West Coast party don't stop. 不过最好可别是传说中的，"西海岸派对"因为歌里说西海岸的派对根本停不下来

I'm sorry I mentioned it. 我的锅，我不应该提这事，对不起

Oh, don't be. You get your hopes up, 别这么说啦，你负责提建议

I knock them down. That's called teamwork. 我负责否决，这就是团队合作嘛

That's a kick. 它在踢我

That's an actual kick. 真的在踢我

What are you doing? 你干什么呢?

I felt a kick. 我感觉宝宝在踢我

There's a baby in there. 你肚子里有个孩子

Oh, yeah, that's where I put it. 是嘛，原来我放肚子里了啊

Oh, I mean, I know you're pregnant.  I just...never connected the idea of pregnancy and you actually having a baby. 我是说，我知道你怀孕了。但是...我从来没意识到，怀孕就是你肚子里有个真的孩子了

Which MIT did you go to? 你真的是麻省理工毕业的?

Oh, God, we are not ready to have an infant in this house! 天啊，我们还没准备好迎接这个孩子啊!

We don't have a crib, we don't have diapers. 没有婴儿床，没有尿布

We're not babyproofed. 也没做婴儿防护措施

Anyone can just walk in off the street and lift our toilet lids! 路上随便一个人都能到我们家来掀马桶盖!

Howie, we have time to do all that stuff.Do we? Look at you. Howie我们有的是时间慢慢做准备呢是嘛?你看看你

Willy Wonka would roll you to the juicing room.  Willy Wonka马上就要把你推进榨汁间了，"查理的巧克力工厂"电影中有专门榨果汁的房间

The next person kicking you will be me. Good night. 现在我也想踢你了。快睡吧

Are we even in a good school...? Ow! 我们这附近有好学校么...?嗷!

I warned you, and I did it. What's all this? 我警告过你了，不怪我。这都是什么?

Oh, everything we need for your autograph session...head shots, markers.  这些都是给你的签名会准备的材料...你的海报，还有马克笔

Okay. Leonard, it's sweet you're excited about this,  Leonard你准备的这么齐全是挺好的

but it'll be a miracle if one person asks for my autograph. 但是只要有一个人要我的签名，那就是奇迹了

Are you kidding? 你开什么玩笑?

I once paid $20 for Theo Sassler's signature. 我曾经花了20刀买Theo Sassler的签名

Who's that?  Oh, I don't even know.  那是谁?  我也不知道

I just liked his name. Theo Sassler! 只是觉得他的名字挺好听的，Theo Sassler!

Oh, and look at this. 来来来，给你看这个

I even got a change maker. 我还准备了找零神器

How much change you want, little lady? 小美女，想换多少零钱啊?

Oh, there's so much I want to change. 讲真，我现在想换的可不只是零钱

Yeah, well, if it's a dollar, you're in luck. 你要是想换1刀的硬币，尽管来找我

What's going on here? 这是什么情况?

You expressed an interest in having people over, 你说你想邀请别人来家里做客

and I feel I dismissed it too quickly. 我觉得我反对的太快了

So, I took matters into my own hands, and I arranged a brunch. 所以，我亲自动手准备了早午餐，还邀请了几个人过来

Well, that's so nice. 你太好了

Who's coming? 都有谁要来啊?

Oh, uh, Stuart, Bert from the geology lab,and Mrs. Petrescu from downstairs.  Stuart地质实验室的Bert还有楼下的Petrescu太太

You mean the Romanian lady on the second floor? Yes. 你是说住在二楼的那个罗马尼亚女士吗?是的

Oh, fun story:she grew up with ten siblings. 有个有意思的事:她是跟十个兄弟姐妹一起长大的

Or possibly penguins. Her English is atrocious. 也有可能是跟企鹅，她的英语简直穷凶极恶

That's an odd mix of people. 这组合还挺怪的

Well, for our first time hosting,I thought it would be wise to conduct a trial run. 这是我们第一次作为主人招待别人我觉得实施一次试验还挺明智的

You know, like how I practiced for that Halloween haunted house by going into the bathroom at the bus station. 你知道的，就好像那次我去万圣节鬼屋之前用公交车站的卫生间来做练习一样

You never went into that haunted house. 但你后来也没去那个鬼屋啊

You never saw what jumped out at me at the bus station. 你也没看见车站里跳出来吓我一跳的东西

Well, thank you, Sheldon. 好吧，谢谢你，Sheldon

This is a fun surprise. 这是个有趣的惊喜

Oh. Well, the real surprise is how surprised you are that I'm great at surprises. 而真正的惊喜是你对于我擅长惊喜表示惊讶

Well, that's not a surprise at all. 可是那完全不是惊喜啊

I mean, if I knew you were good at surprises, 我是说，如果我知道你擅长惊喜的话

I would have expected the surprise, 那我就会对这个惊喜有所预料

and therefore not have been surprised. 从而不为它而感到惊喜了

But as it is, I didn't know, and therefore my surprise should be unsurprising. 但正是因为我得到了惊喜，所以我不知道你擅长惊喜所以我对此表示的惊讶就不应该让你感到惊讶

Don't get me all randy. Guests are on the way. 别让我变得这么欲火难耐，客人都要来了

Hi. Hey, where you been? 嗨!嘿，你们刚刚去哪儿啦?

Oh, we went and did a little shopping for the baby. 哦，我们刚刚去为宝宝买了点东西

Wait till you see the crib we found. 等你看到我们买到的婴儿床就知道了

You bought a crib without me? 你们没经过我就自己买了个婴儿床?

You're gonna love it.  Yeah.  你会喜欢的， 真的

It's the highest rated one on the market. 它是市场上评价最高的一款

I wouldn't even call it a crib. 我都不会管它叫婴儿床

I'd call it a Fortress of Solitude for babies. 我会叫它宝宝专用孤独堡垒

Sounds expensive. 听上去很贵啊

Okay, well, I may have gone a bit overboard, but you can't put a price on safety. 好吧，我可能是有点花过头了，但是安全是无价的嘛

Though if you did, it's more zeroes than you're expecting. 不过假如真想标价，它后面的零比你想象的要多

But it's the safest crib you can buy. 但是这是能买到的最安全的婴儿床了

And if you don't like it, we can return it. 而且如果你不喜欢的话，我们还可以把它退回去

Fine.  In our new minivan.  好吧， 用我们新买的小面包车退

Hey, what's for lunch? 哎呀，午饭是什么啊?

You bought a minivan?! 你买了辆小面包车?!

It's for the baby, and I didn't buy it. 是为了宝宝嘛，而且我也没买

The dealer loaned it to me for a 24hour test drive. 车行把它借给了我说我有24个小时试驾

Though we did ding up the back pretty good with the crib,so you might have bought a minivan. 不过车后备箱被婴儿床磨得挺厉害的所以你们可能要买辆小面包车了

I don't want to drive that. It's such a mom car. 我可不想开那个，那也太妈妈款了

The guy at the dealership said they're not just for moms anymore. 可是车行的人说这种车已经不再是只为妈妈专用的了

Then again,he did think you were my husband. 可是讲道理他也确实以为你是我老公

They thought it at the ultrasound. 他们在做超声波的时候都这么想

Why not at the car dealership? 车行这么想有问题吗?

Never been on this side of the table before. 我以前从没在桌子的这半边待过啊

I feel powerful.Really? 我觉得自己大权在握。真的吗?

I feel like I'm selling candy so our team can get new uniforms. 我觉得我像是在为了队里的新制服卖糖果

Okay, so it's $4.75 for a signed blackandwhite and $9.95 for a color. 好吧，那一张黑白的签名海报是4.75美金然后彩色的是9.95美金

Right. Why not five and ten bucks? 对，为什么不直接用五块和十块啊?

Well, I brought my moneymaker. Let me shake it. 可是我带了我的找零神奇啊，让我嘚瑟嘚瑟嘛

Hey, that guy's looking over here. 哎呀，那个人看过来了

Oh. You think he's your first autograph? 你觉得他会是你的第一个顾客吗?

I don't know. Be cool. He's coming. He's coming.Hi!  Hi.  我不知道，高冷一点，他过来了，他过来了。嗨!  嗨

I love your movie.Well, thanks. 我大爱你的电影。谢谢

It has got to be one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life. 那绝对得是我平生看过的最烂的东西之一

Your love confuses me. 你的爱简直让我困惑

Would you like an autograph?  Sure. 你想要张签名照吗?好呀

Okay. Who do I make it out to? Daniel. 好嘞，你想让我把它写给谁呢?给Daniel

Okay.  I have to ask.  行， 我必须得问问

Were you trying to be that bad,or are you just a terrible actress? 你当时是故意往差了演还是你就真的是个烂演员呢?

That did not clear things up. That'll be $4.75. 这话也没能解开我的困惑。一共4.75

Keep the change.But I... Oh. Nothing about that was good.Mmmm. 不用找了。可是我...刚刚那完全算不上好啊。没错

There's nothing to be afraid of, Sheldon. 这没什么可怕的，Sheldon

The average cork speed is 25 miles per hour. 软木塞的平均速度可是有25英里每小时呢，25英里/时≈40公里/时

If that is too fast around a school,it is certainly too fast around a kitchen. 如果这个速度在学校周围都算是太快了的话那它在厨房里也肯定太快了

Been 15 minutes. Just sayin'.Okay. I can do this. 可是已经过去15分钟了。好吧，我行的

Just give me a moment...Mimosas coming up. 给我点时间...含羞草鸡尾酒来了

I once left orange juice in my fridge so long,so it tasted like a mimosa. 我曾经把一罐橙汁放在冰箱里放了太久导致喝起来也像含羞草鸡尾酒

How old was it?It's hard to say. 那得放了多久了啊?这很难说啊

I don't remember much after I drank it. 我喝了它以后就不记得了

Would you like one, Mrs. Petrescu? 你要来一杯吗，Petrescu太太?

Yes. Drink is fun and good friendsApplebee's. 是的，喝酒是为了乐趣和好朋友，这是Applebee说的，Applebee是美国一家连锁餐厅

She's learning English from TV. 她的英语是从电视上学的

TV, good. Now back to you.Hey, guys.  Hi, Stuart. 电视很好，你继续吧。嘿，伙计们。嗨，Stuart

These are for you.Oh, they're pretty. Thank you. 这个是给你的。哦，它们真漂亮，谢谢你