Damn, the MacArthur Genius Grant. 我去他得了麦克阿瑟天才奖

Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. 他人这么好就该他拿奖

Everything is stupid and I want to go home. 好讨厌我想回家

That's Sheldon's way of saying he's proud of Bert, too. 这是Sheldon对Bert表示赞赏的方式

Hey, it's not even called the "Genius Grant,"it's the MacArthur Fellowship. 嘿这又不是"天才奖"准确来说是麦克阿瑟奖学金

Just like it's not Frankenstein,it's "Frankenstein's Monster." 他不是弗兰肯斯坦（科学怪人里的科学家） 他是"被发明的那个怪物"

Which brings us back to that hulking simpleton over there. 这也挺符合那边那个大傻冒的形象

And if anyone's a genius, it's me for the way I brought that full circle. 要说谁是天才的话也应该是舌如巧簧的我

How much money did he win? 他赢了多少钱?

Over half a million dollars. 五十多万吧

Wow.  And he doesn't have to use it for research, he can do whatever he wants with it. 哇而且他不需要把这些钱全部拿来做研究他想干什么都可以

Oh, good, maybe he can build a nicer bridge to live under. 那不错啊大概他会盖一个更好的桥然后住那底下吧

Here he comes. Right.Be polite. 他过来了，礼貌点

I know how to behave. Do you? 我知道怎么表现，是吗?

Hey, congratulations Bert! Yeah, good for you.  That's amazing.Thanks. 祝贺你 Bert!不错啊,太棒了，谢谢

I was as surprised as anybody. 我和你们一样惊讶

When they called and told me I won, I didn't believe them. 当他们打电话告诉我，我赢了我都不相信他们

And then they said, "No, you really won."And then I said, "Cool." 然后他们说 "没你真的赢了"，然后我说 "好吧"

Someone call George R. R. Martin,this guy knows how to finish a story. 谁去把乔治?R?R?马丁叫来（权利的游戏系列原着作者编剧）好好跟这家伙学学故事怎么收尾

I've gotten pretty good at telling it. 我这是熟能生巧了

Well, see ya.Some genius. 回见，什么天才

I zinged him with sarcasm, he didn't even notice. 我用讽刺的话来捉弄他他都没发现

I know, and it was the greatest sarcastic quip I've ever heard. 是啊这可是我听到的最具讽刺意味的话了

Well, aren't you a peach. 你的嘴可真甜啊

Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state 宇宙一度又烫又稠密

Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! 140亿年前终于爆了炸...等着瞧!

The Earth began to cool 地球开始降温

The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools 自养生物来起哄穴居人发明工具

We built the Wall We built the pyramids 我们建长城我们建金字塔

Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery 数学自然科学历史揭开神秘

That all started with a big bang 一切由大爆炸开始

Who leaves their bike in the hallway? 谁把自行车放走廊了?

You know, if I knew how to ride one, I'd steal it. 如果我知道怎么骑的话，我会把它偷走的

Ignore him,he's just cranky because Bert from the geology lab won a big grant. 无视他吧，他因为地质实验室的Bert拿了个奖有点小脾气

Oh, I heard him interviewed on the radio! 啊我在广播里听到他的采访了!

You know, when they told him he won,he didn't believe it, but then he did believe it. 你知道吗当他们告诉他获奖时他自己都不信然后他就信了

It was so funny. 他太搞笑了

Who listens to the radio anymore? 现在谁还听广播啊?

Bert is studying the way microbes in rocks can survive in extreme environmental conditions. Bert正在研究岩石中的微生物在极端外部环境下的生存方式

They say it could be a potential indicator of life on other planets. 他们说这可能会是一种其他星球存在生命体的标志

You know what, I've met Bert. 我见过Bert

Isn't he an indicator of life on other planets? 他算是外星存在生命体的标志吗?

You used to make those jokes about me. 这种玩笑以前你都是开给我的

Now everything is Bert, Bert, Bert! 现在怎么都是Bert!

You know, Sheldon,maybe if you take the time to actually read Bert's research,you'd be less bitter about him winning. 真的 Sheldon如果你真的肯花时间去看Bert的研究的话你就不会对他获奖而不服气了

You want me to read a geology paper? 你要让我读一篇地质论文?

Honestly, I just want you to be quiet but I'm all out of taffy. 说实话我只是想让你安静些但是我没有太妃糖了

You busy? There's somebody out here who wants to meet you.Who is it? 忙吗?有人想见你，谁啊?

Say hello to everybody's little friend remote control Stephen Hawking! 给你介绍这个人人爱的小家伙遥控版的史蒂芬?霍金!

Where did you get that? 你从哪里搞来的?

I found him in an old box. 我在一个旧盒子里找到的

Why would you buy it? 你为啥买了它?

I didn't buy it.I made it. 我没买，这是我做的

Last question.What is wrong with you? 最后一个问题，你什么毛病?

What's the big deal? 这有什么?

Howie, it's in poor taste. Howie这品味太差了

No, it's not. Check it out. 才不是呢看看这个

He says fun stuff. 他会说有趣的东西

Hey good lookin',want to go for a spin? 嘿美女想转转吗?

His eyes also light up in the dark. 他的眼睛还是夜光的

It's always fun watching him read someone else's work. 每次看他读别人的研究成果都好有意思

It's like scrolling through the emojis on my phone. 就跟在手机上翻看表情包一样

Ye why? Eh, why?! Oh, that's why. 为什么? 到底为什么?!哦原来这样啊

Sounds like the night we had coitus. 和我们啪啪啪时候的对话差不多

I hope you're happy making me read this. 你逼我看了这个你开心了吧

Bert's work is remarkable. Bert的论文很出色

And I'm more upset than ever. 所以我现在前所未有地烦

This is worse than when I had to admit that Cedric the Entertainer's actually entertaining. 这比让我承认那个搞笑塞德里克真的很搞笑还要烦心

Sheldon, it's foolish to be angry that Bert's work has merit. Sheldon因为Bert的论文好而感到生气那可是有点傻啊

Yeah, well I am angry! 是啊可是我就是生气!

And you telling me not to be angry makes me angry! 而你跟我说让我不要生气也让我生气!

And do you know how hearing myself say the word angry over and over makes me feel? 而且你知道听见我自己一遍又一遍地说生气这个词让我有什么感受吗?

Ooh, angry?  What are you doing? 哦哦哦生气是吗?你在干嘛呢?

I knew the answer. I got excited. 我知道答案嘛有点兴奋

Hey, buddy, why don't we go for a walk,so you can calm down. 好啦伙计咱们要不出去走走吧，你也好冷静冷静

That's a good idea. 这是个好主意

I guess everyone's having them now. 所以现在所有人是都开始有好主意了咯

Hey, I'm trying to help you.Fine. 哎呀我是在想法子帮你啊。好吧

You can walk ahead of me and scare off the pigeons. 你可以走在我前面把鸽子先吓跑

Just wave your arms a little and they fly away, it's not... 你只要挥挥手他们就飞走了啊这又不是...

Okay, Raj,I'm gonna show you something. 好啦 Raj我要给你看样东西

Now,one of us thinks it's offensive. 现在，我们俩中间有一个人觉得这太冒犯人了

The other thinks it's hilarious and a great idea. 而另一个人觉得这很搞笑而且是个超棒的主意

But, I'm not going to tell you who likes it. 但是我不会告诉你谁喜欢它的

This is tough. 这很难啊

But I'm going to say it's the guy who shows me YouTube videos of people getting hit in the nuts. 但是我要说喜欢它的人肯定是给我看别人被爆蛋的视频的那位

You're crazy. 你疯了

I've worked with Hawking. 我跟霍金一起工作过的

He's got a great sense of humor. 他可会开玩笑了

And I think he'd like it. 而且我觉得他会喜欢的

Okay, call him and show him.I dare you. 好吧那就打电话给他让他看看，我看你敢不敢

I have no problem calling him.Fine, then do it.Fine, I will. 要我打给他也没问题啊，行啊那就动手吧。行我打

While you're bothering the world's most famous scientist, be sure to show him how funny he looks getting stuck under our dishwasher. 你打扰全世界最有名的科学家的时候，别忘了给他看看他被卡在咱们洗碗机下面的时候看上去有多搞笑

What's this button do? 这个按钮是做什么的?

Gentlemen, start your wheelchairs. 先生们启动你们的轮椅吧

You laughed when that guy got hit in the nuts. 视频上那人被爆蛋的时候你还笑来着呢

I laughed because the guy was Leonard. 我笑是因为那个人是Leonard啊

I admire you, Leonard.Really, why? 我欣赏你 Leonard，真的吗为什么啊?

You're happy with who you are. 因为你做你自己就开心了

You don't get jealous of other people. 你不会嫉妒别人

Instead of being weighed down by ambition,you just float along like a dead body in a river. 你不会被野心压弯了腰你只要在河上挺尸就行了

I couldn't just take the compliment. 为什么我就不能这么被人表扬一下呢

I had to ask why. 我干嘛要问为什么啊

You know, I do understand what you're feeling. 你知道吗我真的理解你的感受

My brother and sister's accomplishments have always been held over my head. 我哥哥姐姐的成就总像座大山一样悬在我的头顶

How did you deal with it? 那你是怎么处理的呢?

I wet the bed until college, but I don't think that's a quality fix. 我直到大学还在尿床但是我不觉得这是个根治的办法

I can't believe I was surpassed by a geologist. 我不敢相信我被一个地质学家比下去了

I mean...rocks! He studies rocks! 我是说...石头诶!他研究的是石头诶!

If rock is so great, how come paper beats it? 如果石头这么牛的话为什么出布还能赢呢?

Leonard, I'm having a primal urge to throw this rock.Do it. Leonard我现在有股想要扔这个石头的原始冲动，上吧

Visualize it as your anger and.. and toss it out of your life.Perhaps I will. 把它想象成你的愤怒然后...然后就把它扔出你的生活，说不定能行啊

This rock encapsulates all my negative emotions. 这颗石头包裹了我所有的负面情绪

I will cast you far away. 我会将你远远扔开

Feel free to take out a pigeon while you're at it. Let it fly. 扔的时候也可以顺手打个鸽子，让它飞吧

Ow, ow, ow, ow,ow, ow, ow, ow...What happened? 嗷嗷嗷嗷嗷嗷嗷嗷...发生什么事了?

I tried to let go of anger and threw a rock into my foot! 我是想试着放开愤怒然后我就把石头扔自己脚上了!

Then he got more angry and kicked the rock with his other foot.  Wha...? 然后他就更生气了于是就用他的另一只脚踢了石头什...?

And what happened to you? 那你又是怎么回事呢?

Oh, I laughed so hard,I burst a blood vessel in my nose. It's fine. 我笑得太厉害了所以笑爆了我鼻子里的一根血管我没事的

You know, it's one thing to be envious,but now you're injuring yourself. 你知道吗羡慕嫉妒恨是一回事但你现在这是在自残啊

It has to stop. 不能再这样了

Although if you are gonna do it again,please let me know, so I can get it on video. 不过如果你想再来一次的话，请一定让我知道这样我好把它录成视频

You know, Sheldon, instead of fixating on what Bert has,you should appreciate all of the good things in your life. 你知道吗 Sheldon与其专注于Bert的成就不如感激你自己生活中的一切美好事物啊

You've got love, you're in good health,you've got a roof over your head. 你有爱情健康的身体你有可以栖身的屋檐

Yeah,but you've got all those things,and no one's lining up to be you. 是啊可是你也有这么些东西但是没人排着队想变成你啊

Anybody else want to try? 谁还想试试吗?

I'm gonna go make some more tea and question my life choices. You're up. 我要去泡点茶顺便怀疑怀疑我的人生，该你上了

This is getting old fast, Dolores, knock it off! 差不多行了 Dolores给我适可而止!

Uh, do you really think calling me names is helpful? 你真的觉得侮辱我能解决现在的状况吗?

I do! Your life is fine, you big baby! 没错！你的生活无可挑剔烦人精

Maybe you're right. Really?! 也许你说得没错。来真的吗?

If it helps, I'm questioning your life choices, too. 你听到这话可能好受点我也开始怀疑你的人生了