人物:一个家庭的地狱之旅(5)（在线收听）

Hi Cam, So what have you been up to lately (bad joke)

嗨，小卡，你最近在忙什么呢(开了个糟糕的玩笑)

Thank you for your letter and apology. Your whole family's heart goes out to you. We're not embarrassed, we love you, just feel it's a hard road you've chosen.

谢谢你的来信和道歉。你全家都很同情你。我们并不尴尬，我们爱你，只是觉得你选择了一条艰难的路。

You've got a lot of support out there, Cameron.

你得到了很多支持，卡梅隆。

I can't tell you the number of calls from friends I've received, all wishing you the best, and all speaking to what a great guy you are: smart, funny, considerate, brave ...

我无法告诉你我接到多少朋友的电话，他们都祝福你一切都好，都在说你是一个多么伟大的人：聪明、有趣、体贴、勇敢……

I haven't told the kids, and I think it's better that way.... Just know, Cameron, I say a prayer for you every day, and I do love you. Dad

我还没告诉孩子们，我觉得这样更好……你要知道，卡梅隆，我每天都为你祈祷，我真的爱你。爸爸

On January 27, 2010, I plead guilty to heroin possession and conspiracy to distribute drugs. I spend almost seven years behind bars.

2010年1月27日，我承认持有海洛因并密谋分销毒品。我几乎坐了七年牢。

During this time, I communicate with my family most by letter. Dad's letters range from loving to forceful to hopeless.

在这段时间里，我和家人的交流主要是通过书信。爸爸的信里有爱的，有强硬的，也有绝望的。

"I must admit, I haven't written because I didn't know what to say.")

“我必须承认，我没有写信，因为我不知道该说些什么。”

I find out from a fellow inmate that Dad has cancer, and that's when I promise myself I'm going to live my life differently when I get out of prison.

我从一个狱友那里得知，爸爸得了癌症，那时我向自己承诺，当我出狱后，我要过一种不一样的生活。

I'm worried Dad will die thinking of me as the failure who didn't live up to expectations. Dad calls a few times to talk, breaking down every so often.

我担心爸爸至死都会认为我是一个没有达到期望的失败者。爸爸给我打了几次电话，经常崩溃。

I'm glad he feels comfortable opening up to me. When his treatment is done, he visits with Dylan and Carys.

我很高兴他对我敞开心扉。治疗结束后，他和迪伦、凯瑞斯一起来看我。

I've never seen a body change so drastically in such a short time; it looks like a gust of wind might blow him over.

我从未见过身体在这么短的时间内发生如此剧烈的变化；好像一阵风就会把他吹倒。

The greatest Christmas present I could receive comes in January 2011, when Dad learns that his tumor is gone.

我收到的最好的圣诞礼物是在2011年1月，那时爸爸得知他的肿瘤不见了。

Not long after I get out of prison in August 2016, Dad invites me to have lunch with him and Dylan. He hasn't made much of an effort to see me.

2016年8月我出狱后不久，爸爸邀请我与他和迪伦共进午餐。他没怎么尽力去看我。

Maybe he doesn't trust my sobriety, or my resolve to stay on the right side of the law.

也许他不相信我的清醒，或者我坚持守法的决心。

I don't want to say no to his invitation, but my halfway-house restrictions make the logistics tough for me.

我不想拒绝他的邀请，但由于过渡教习所限制，我进出困难。

I start thinking out loud about how I can make it work. "Forget it," he says. "What do you mean, I want to come."

我开始努力地思考我怎样才能解决。“算了吧，”他说。“你什么意思，我想去。”

"Nah, don't worry about it, it doesn't make sense." He hangs up. My feelings are hurt. A week later, I go over to his apartment and mention our last conversation.

“不，别想了，没关系的。”他挂断了电话。我的感情受到了伤害。一周后，我去了他的公寓，跟他说起我们上一次的谈话。

My anger is getting the better of me. For an instant on Dad's face, I glimpse the effect of my outburst. I know I'm not going to escalate the situation; I know I'm of sound mind.

我怒气冲冲。在爸爸脸上的那一瞬间，我瞥见了自己情绪爆发的后果。我知道我不要让局面恶化，我知道我头脑清醒。

But given where I've been, I can't expect other people to know that. Dad is starting to get to know me again and I'm relearning how to express my feelings appropriately.

但考虑到我的经历，我不能指望别人知道这一点。爸爸又开始了解我了，我也在重新学习如何恰当地表达我的感受。

After that, we talk a few days a week and get together two or three times a month.

之后，我们每周交谈几天，每个月聚会两三次。

One day Dad says, "I don't know how you did it. How you went through the things you did." I say, "Well, I'm home now." For my 39th birthday, Dad takes me out for a sushi lunch.

有一天，爸爸说：“我不知道你是怎么做到的。你是如何经历你所做的事情的。”我说，“好吧，我现在回家了。”在我39岁生日那天，爸爸带我出去吃了一顿寿司。

We talk and laugh and he gives me fatherly advice about money and relationships, which I appreciate, as well as his old car, which is still pretty sharp.

我们有说有笑，他在金钱和人际关系方面给我慈父般的建议，我很欣赏这一点，还有他那辆仍然很闪亮的旧车。

When I get his and Catherine's Christmas card, I see that it says it's from them and Dylan and Carys and me, with a photo of us all. It feels good to be included.

我收到他和凯瑟琳的圣诞贺卡，看到上面写着“来自他们、迪伦、卡里斯和我”，还有一张我们所有人的照片。被接纳的感觉真好。