读者文摘:最搞笑的职场段子之愚蠢顾客篇（在线收听）

Found this gem of an e-mail in the inbox today:

今天在收件箱里发现了这封珍贵的电子邮件:

Client: Hello. My fiancée and I are looking for a wedding photographer but are having some issues with the contracts we are coming across.

客户：你好。我的未婚夫和我在寻找一个婚礼摄影师，但是在合同方面有些问题。

We want a clause that guarantees us a refund should we ever get divorced, since we would not need the photos in that situation.

我们想要一个条款，保证我们一旦离婚就能得到退款。因为在那种情况下我们就不需要照片了。

Please let me know if this is something you have in your contract or would be willing to add. Thank you!

如果你们的合同中有这一条款或者你们愿意添加这一条款，请联系我。谢谢！

A customer came to the counter and wanted to buy a Big Mac. When I told her we didn't have those, she asked for a Whopper instead.

一位顾客来到柜台，她想买一个巨无霸。当我告诉她我没有的时候，她又点了一个华堡。

I told her we didn't have those either, and she got mad at me and walked away. I work at KFC.

我告诉她我们也没有华堡。然后她就生气离开了。我在肯德基工作。

Three designers share their oddest client requests:

三个设计师分享了他们最怪异的客户请求：

I want you to build me an app store. Like the Apple App Store, but better.

我想要你给我建一个应用商店。就像苹果商店那样，但是要更好。

The roast duck on the menu looks kind of dull. Can you make it look more alive and happy?

菜单上的烤鸭看起来有点无聊。你能让它看起来更加鲜活快乐吗？

Can you please move the image up a tad and down a hair?

你能把图像上下移动一点吗？

When you're a cop, Joe and Jane Public are your clients. And on occasion you can expect bizarre 911 calls such as these.

如果你是个警察，乔和简·帕布利克是你的客户。有时候你会接到像这些一样奇怪的911电话。

A woman requested to talk with a police officer because her house-keeper wasn't putting her towels away properly.

一个女人请求和警官通话，因为她的管家没有把她的毛巾收好。

Police receive a report of a new-born infant found in a trash can. Upon investigation, officers discover it was only a burrito.

警方收到了一个在垃圾桶发现了一个新生儿的报告。经调查，警官发现那只是一个玉米煎饼。

During a disturbance call, a man gave an officer a false name and was arrested after he was found to have warrants for both names.

在一次骚扰电话中，一名男子给了一名警官一个假名字，他在警方发现对这两个名字都有逮捕令后被逮捕。

A woman whose finger got stuck in a drain was reported to be conscious and breathing.

据报道，一名妇女的手指卡在下水道里，她神志清醒，还在呼吸。

Suspicious people were reportedly doing something with flashlights.

据报道，有可疑的人在用手电筒做一些事情。

A deputy checked and found the people were not suspicious, but merely Canadian.

一名警察检查后发现，这些人并不可疑，他们只是加拿大人。

It's come to this: A Florida gas station owner has had to place a sign in her store asking customers not to warm their urine in the microwave.

事情是这样的：佛罗里达州一个加油站的老板不得不在她的店里放置一个牌子，要求顾客不要用微波炉加热他们的尿液。

Parul Patel's Jacksonville gas station/convenience store is just a few blocks from two drug-testing services.

帕鲁帕特尔的杰克逊维尔加油站/便利店距离两家药检机构只有几个街区。

Why the urine has to be delivered warm we can only guess, but when Patel confronted one woman, she indignantly demanded to see a sign that bans nuking urine in her store. Hence the sign.

我们只能猜测为什么这些尿液必须是热的，但是当帕特尔质问一名妇女时，她愤怒地要求看到一个禁止在她的商店里使用微波炉加热尿液的指示牌。因此，就有了这个指示牌。

I work at a museum, and a woman asked me if mummies were older than dinosaurs.

我在一家博物馆工作，一位女性问我，木乃伊是否比恐龙还要古老。

"We actually get this question on a pretty regular basis," says an official with Iowa's Department of Transportation.

爱荷华州运输部的一位官员说：“我们经常会遇到这样的问题。”

The source of confusion: The deer-crossing signs that are posted along the road.

困惑的来源：路边的过鹿标志。

And the question: "Why don't you put these signs where it's safer for the deer to cross?"

问题：“为什么你们不把这些标志放在鹿过马路更安全的地方呢？