精美英文欣赏:我的痛苦（在线收听）

Part 5 My Pain

第五部分 我的痛苦

I have told you, reader, that I had learnt to love Mr. Rochester: I could not unlove him now, merely because I found that he had ceased to notice me- because I might pass hours in his presence, and he would never once turn his eyes in my direction- because I saw all his attentions appropriated by a great lady, who scorned to touch me with the hem of her robes as she passed; who, if ever her dark and imperious eye fell on me by chance, would withdraw it instantly as from an object too mean to merit observation. I could not unlove him, because I felt sure he would soon marry this very lady- because I read daily in her a proud security in his intentions respecting her- because I witnessed hourly in him a style of courtship which, if careless and choosing rather to be sought than to seek, was yet, in its very carelessness, captivating, and in its very pride, irresistible.

我已经告诉过你，读者朋友，我意识到自己爱上了罗切斯特先生，我现在不能不爱他，仅仅因为我发现他不再关注我了--因为我可能在他面前待上几个小时， 而他的眼睛从不朝我的方向瞟上一眼--因为我发现他所有的注意力被一位贵妇人所吸引，她从我身边走过时，连长袍的边都不屑于碰我一下，当她阴险专横的眼神碰巧落在我身上，她会立即避开，就像这件东西太廉价不值得她看上一眼。我不能不爱他，仅仅因为我确信不久他就会娶这位女士--因为每天我都能从她身上看出她高傲地认为她在他心目中的地位已经非常稳固--因为我每时每刻都目睹着他对她的追求，尽管漫不经心，又表现出宁愿被人追求而不追求别人，却由于随意而显得富有魅力，由于傲慢而愈发不可抗拒。

There was nothing to cool or banish love in these circumstances, though much to create despair. Much too, you will think, reader, to engender jealousy: if a woman, in my position, could presume to be jealous of a woman in Miss Ingram's. But I was not jealous: or very rarely;- the nature of the pain I suffered could not be explained by that word. Miss Ingram was a mark beneath jealousy: she was too inferior to excite the feeling. Pardon the seeming paradox; I mean what I say.

在此般情形下，任何事物都无法冷却或者浇灭我的爱，尽管这很可能会带来绝望。读者朋友，你会认为，如果一个处于我这种位置的女人敢于妒忌像英格拉姆小姐这种地位的女人的话，这也很可能会引起妒忌。但是我并不妒忌，或者很少妒嫉，我所遭受的痛苦无法用这个字眼来解释。英格拉姆小姐不值得嫉妒，她太卑劣了，激不起这种情感。请原谅这一表面上的悖论，我所说的就是我所想的。

She was very showy, but she was not genuine: she had a fine person, many brilliant attainments; but her mind was poor, her heart barren by nature: nothing bloomed spontaneously on that soil; no unforced natural fruit delighted by its freshness. She was not good; she was not original: she used to repeat sounding phrases from books: she never offered, nor had, an opinion of her own. She advocated a high tone of sentiment; but she did not know the sensations of sympathy and pity; tenderness and truth were not in her. Too often she betrayed this, by the undue vent she gave to a spiteful antipathy she had conceived against little Adele: pushing her away with some contumelious epithet if she happened to approach her; sometimes ordering her from the room, and always treating her with coldness and acrimony. Other eyes besides mine watched these manifestations of character- watched them closely, keenly, shrewdly. Yes; the future bridegroom, Mr. Rochester himself, exercised over his intended a ceaseless surveillance; and it was from this sagacity- this guardedness of his- this perfect, clear consciousness of his fair one's defects- this obvious absence of passion in his sentiments towards her, that my ever-torturing pain arose.

她太好卖弄，但并不真诚。她风度不凡，多才多艺，但是思想肤浅，心灵天生贫瘠，内心的土壤上没有花儿会自动开放，没有哪种不需外力而自然结出的果实会喜欢这种土壤。她不善良，缺乏独创性，总是重复书本中夸大其词的言语，她从不提出，或者从未拥有过自己的见解。她鼓吹高尚的情操，但不懂得同情和怜悯，温柔和真挚也无法在她身上找到。她的弱点经常会暴露无遗，因为她对小阿黛儿心生厌恶，充满敌意，并且无端发泄不满情绪，要是小阿黛儿恰巧走近她，她会用恶毒的词汇把她撵走，有时命令她离开房间，常常冷淡刻毒地对待她。除了我，还有别人也注视着这些个性的显露--他们密切、急迫而敏锐地注视着。是的，就是这位未来的新郎，罗切斯特先生自己也不停地监视着他的意中人。正是这种睿智--他的这份提防--这种对自己美人缺陷的清醒全面的认识--正是他的感情对她明显缺乏热情这一点，引起了我无休止的痛苦。

I saw he was going to marry her, for family, perhaps political reasons, because her rank and connections suited him; I felt he had not given her his love, and that her qualifications were ill adapted to win from him that treasure. This was the point- this was where the nerve was touched and teased- this was where the fever was sustained and fed: she could not charm him.

我看到他要娶她，是出于门第观念，也许是政治上的原因，因为她的地位与社会关系和他相称。我感到他并没有把自己的爱给她，她也没有资格从他那儿得到爱的珍宝。这就是问题所在--就是触及我痛处，戏弄我神经的地方--就是我热情持续并有增无减的原因：因为她不可能把他迷倒。