读者文摘:经典笑话分享（在线收听）

One morning, Emma woke up with a start. Her husband, Jim, asked what the matter was.

一天早上，艾玛被惊醒了。她丈夫，吉姆问她怎么回事。

"I had a dream that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day," she said.

她说：“我梦见情人节那天你送了我一个珍珠项链。

"What could it mean?" "You'll know tonight," Jim said slyly. That evening, Jim came home with a small package for his wife.

“这意味着什么呢？”“你今晚就知道了，”吉姆狡猾地说道。那天晚上，吉姆给他妻子带了一个小包裹。

Emma ripped open the wrapping paper, tore into the box, and pulled out her gift—a book entitled The Meaning of Dreams.

艾玛撕开了包装纸，撕开盒子，拿出了她的礼物-一本名为《梦想的意义》的书。

I have all of Marie Kondo’s books. Now I just need a way to organize them. I describe my husband's style as "Is that what you're wearing?"

我有近藤麻理惠所有的书。现在我只需要一种方法来让它们有条理。我将我丈夫的风格描述为“这就是你穿的东西吗？”

Every year, the Edinburgh Festival Fringe celebrates the world's funniest comics.

每年，爱丁堡艺穗节都会喜迎世界上最有趣的漫画。

Here's what had us giggling in our kilts this year: "I accidentally booked myself into an escapology course. I'm really struggling to get out of it."

以下是今年让穿着苏格兰短裙的我们咯咯笑的事情：“我不小心报名参加了一个脱逃术课程。我真的在努力逃出来。”

"A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it."

“百科全书很棒。没有其他词能形容它。”

"A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, ‘Yes, of course. That's 20 cows.'"

一个牛仔问我是否可以帮他把18头牛赶到一起。我说：‘可以，当然。这是20头牛。”

"After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging."

“在学了六小时的旗语后，我萎靡不振了。”

A widower and a widow attend their 70th class reunion, and a long-ago spark is rekindled.

一个鳏夫和一个寡妇参加他们的第70次班级聚会，很久以前的火花重新点燃。

At the end of the night, he asks, "Will you marry me?" "Yes, yes, I will!" she says enthusiastically.

在那天晚上最后，他问道，“你愿意嫁给我吗？”“愿意，我愿意！”她热情地说道。

The next morning, the widower wakes up troubled. Did she say yes or no? Confused, he calls her and asks, "Did you say yes or no to marrying me?"

第二天早上，鳏夫醒来时很困惑。她答应了还是没答应？疑惑的他给她打电话问道，“你有没有答应嫁给我？”

"I said yes! And I'm glad you called, because I couldn't remember who asked me."

“我答应了！”非常开心你打来了电话，因为我不记得是谁问的我。”

Finally getting around to calling all those kids that wrote in my middle school yearbook, "We should hang out this summer!"

终于开始给那些在我中学年鉴上写“我们这个夏天应该一起出去玩”的孩子们打电话了！

THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR A THREE-YEAR-OLD SAY

你永远不会听到一个三岁小孩说的话

"It doesn't really look like a dragon, but never mind, I'll eat it anyway—food is food!"

“它看起来不像是龙，但是别担心，我还是会吃它的-食物就是食物！”

"Yep, that's exactly how I wanted it done. You've nailed it. Again."

“是的，这正是我想要的。你又一次赢了。”

"Don't need it. Already have three. Let's just stick to our shopping list."

“不需要这东西。已经有三个了。专注于购物清单上的东西就好了。”

"For Pete's sake, Dad. It's 3:30 in the morning. Please, go back to bed— you're starting a new job, and this is the one night you really need some decent sleep."

拜托，老爸。现在才凌晨三点半。回床睡觉好吗-你已经开始了一份新工作。今晚就是你能好好睡觉的一个晚上。

"Don't hide that square millimeter of zucchini behind the pasta. More! More green! I'm into micro sprouts at the moment too."

“不要把那一平方毫米的西葫芦放在意大利面后。更多！更多绿色！我现在对小嫩芽感兴趣。”

"It doesn't matter how we did this yesterday. Things change!"

“我们昨天是怎么做的没有关系了。事情已经变了！”

"Here's the remote—I don't really know how to use it anyway."

“这是遥控-我真的不知道该怎么使用它。”

"I bet I can get in my car seat before you can say the words, ‘My back. I can't... straighten ... up ...'"

“在你说这些话‘我的背，我不能挺直’之前，我猜我能进到汽车后座。

"Here's your phone back."

“手机还你”。