2021年经济学人 两性智慧-不完美的忠告(3)（在线收听）

Sometimes real fear was the problem. Dr Watsa was quite flummoxed by the number of missives he got about masturbation, which made up half his postbag. Would it drain your strength away, or make you lose your hair? Would it shorten the penis? (“You talk every day, has your tongue become smaller?”) Would it make you fail exams? What if you did it on a day that the astrologer didn’t recommend?

有时真正的恐惧才是问题所在。沃特萨医生对收到的信件十分不解，因为咨询关于自慰的来信占了一半。自慰会让人精力枯竭？还是会让认脱发？会导致阴茎萎缩吗？(“人天天都说话，舌头有变小吗？”)自慰会让你考试不及格吗？如果占星家不让自慰却做了怎么办？

With infinite patience, Dr Watsa explained that it was harmless, perfectly normal, and by the way, astrologers were frauds. (Like a giant sigh, “It’s Normal!” was the title of his collected columns.) In Britain Ms Whitehorn defused the ever-present social terrors, remembering her own cringe-making attempts to navigate smart London.

沃特萨医生耐心地解释说，自慰无害，完全正常的，顺便说一句，占星家都是骗人的。(他的专栏集标题名为“这很正常“，就像一声长长的叹息)。在英国，怀特霍恩女士化解了一直存在的社会恐惧，她回忆了自己为驾驭时髦的伦敦而所做的努力。

What if you dropped a brick in a conversation—making some crass joke about money, say, when talking to a bankrupt? Don’t try to pick it up again, she wrote; keep your eyes steady, and pour your attention on the other person. What if your knickers fell down in a public place? Kick them off, scoop them into your pocket and walk on, as if nothing has happened.

如果在谈话中不小心触及雷区——比如在和一个破产的人聊天时谈一些关于金钱的粗俗笑话？“别试图圆过去了，”她写道；保持目光平稳，并将注意力集中在对方身上。如果你的内裤在公共场合掉下来怎么办？脱下就好，把内衣放进口袋里，然后继续走，就像什么都没发生过一样。

Inadequacy could be almost as bad as fear. Nothing, Dr Watsa knew, could stop young men worrying about their penis size, but he tried. To one, who sent anxious measurements of his organ at rest and play, he wrote: “Stop sounding like a tailor. Your genitals will look after themselves.”

缺陷几乎和恐惧一样糟糕。沃特萨医生深谙，没有什么能阻止年轻男性担心自己阴茎大小，但他依然努力缓解这种忧虑。有一个人焦急地把自己阴茎在疲软和勃起时的数据寄给他，他写道:“别像个裁缝似的。生殖器会照顾自己的。

Would it help, another asked, if he pulled his penis for 15 minutes a day while reciting a prayer? “If that was right, most men’s penises would be hitting their knees.”

还有人问道，如果他每天一边背诵祷文一边拉扯阴茎15分钟，会有惊喜出现吗？“如果这法子可行，大多数男人的阴茎都能打到膝盖了。”