英语笑话选(1)（在线收听）

                            English Jokes Selections (1)

                                               一
Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when

all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Bill told his driver

to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened.

About 1 hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle

of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and

torn. "What happened to you", asked Bill. "Well, the Farmer gave me the

wine, his wife gave me the Cigar and his 19 year old daughter made mad

passionate love to me." "My God, what did you tell them", asks Clinton. The

driver replies, "I'm Bill Clinton's driver, and I just killed the pig".

                                               二
A six-year-old girl asks her mother, - "Mommy, how old are you?"
The mother replies, - "Honey, that's a very personal question. You
are not supposed to ask a woman her age."

Then she asks, - " How much do you weigh?"

The mother says, - "Honey, that is also a personal question. People
don't want to be asked about their weight."

The girl goes on, - "Mommy, why did you and daddy get a divorce?"

The mother says, - "That's a very sensitive subject. When you are
older, I'll tell you."

The next day, the girl goes to the kindergarten and tells her friend
about the conversation she had with her mother. Her friend says, -
"That's easy!! Look at her driver's license. You can find all the
information in there."

So the girl finds her mother's driver's license in her purse, looks at
it for a while, smiles big, and runs to her mother. - "Mommy, mommy, I
know how old you are! You are 32! I know how much you weigh, too! You
weigh 130 pounds! And I also know why you got a divorce! You got an
"F" in sex! "

                                               三
A businessman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow

$5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for

such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on

the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to

accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into

the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the

businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to

$15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and

this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While

you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The businessman

replied, Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"

                                               四
If Only Life Could Be Like a Computer!
=--=
If you messed up your life, you could press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and
start all over!

To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"! If you needed a
break from life, click on suspend.

Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.

To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

When you loose your car keys, click on find.

"Help" with the chores is just a click away.

Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary. You would use your diskette to
recover from a crash.

And, we could click on "SEND NOW" and a Pizza would be on it's way to
YOU...