Previously on growing pains:
Mike: Hello, Mrs. Seaver… Wouldn't you like to put the thrill back into your marriage by touring Europe for just pennies a day?
Maggie: Mike, the day your dad springs for a trip to Europe, is the day pigs fly.
Seats in first class? I had no idea.
Mike: Nonono guys…this isn't your stop. It's mine.
Carol: Mike is going to Europe too?
Amy: Do you realize according to the itinerary we are not visiting the grave of van Gogh?
Mike: Guzhuntait.
Maggie: Hey look. The Eiffel tower. Oh, honey I want to go back to An-Rees
Jason: Oh yeah, so do I. Where else can we get such great food at sensible prices?
Maggie: It's also where you proposed to me.
Amy: Why did you come to Europe?
Mike: Well I figured a place with 68 million women who couldn't understand a word I said couldn't be all bad.
Store Owner: Your vouchers are useless miss, unless you in need of toilet paper. (Spanish)
Amy: This man is president of vavava voom. (Spanish)
Jason: Happy anniversary.
Maggie: Oh Jason, uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Amy: I'm stranded in Europe. We have a pair of tickets that's good only in Paris in 6 days, a city 500 miles away.
Jason: It's a appendicitis, but we are taking you to the hospital everything is going to be fine.
Mike: When my mom finds out that her little boy is in trouble, I can just hear her now.
Maggie: UUUHHHHH
Jason: Oh breathe honey, breath honey
Maggie: Jason, we are not having a baby.
Mike: Come on come on…
Amy: Oh come on, nobody's there, don't be so dumb.
Mike: Dumb? Hey look I'm not the one who blew her whole life's savings on this tour. I got it for free. Amy? Amy, come on where are you going?
Amy: Paris.
Mike: How?
Amy: I'm walking.
Mike: By foot?
Amy: Its only 500 miles, I've almost got a week, I can do it. With a little beverage here and there.
Mike: Oh well fine, well, who needs you,, you know you will only slow me down, and just for the record, ‘m sorry I was so nice to you.
I don't need her, I'll be fine…so what if I don't have a lot of money and things aren't looking so good right now? I've talked my way out of tougher jams. Sir?
Sir: Si?
Mike: (In Spanish) where is Paris?
Sir: France.
Mike: Thank you. I am well on my way. Hey Amy, wait…look I can't let you travel alone like this. Hey wait up, you need me.

Carol: Grandma, It's 2 in the morning…how long do I have to keep this on?
Grandma: Its Mississippi river mud dear…one minute to apply, an hour to dry.
It will suck the impurities right out of your skin… By morning your face will be as soft as Benjamin's behind.
Carol: There's a disgusting image.
Grandma: Now, you relax on the couch, while I go up and warm up the power tweezers.
Ben: Yeah, same time tomorrow night stickman…with my parents gone, I can get away with murder.
(Screams)
Grandma: What's going on down here? Benjamin, what are you doing coming in at this hour? You are only nine years old.
Ben: I'm fourteen grandma, old enough to be drafted.
Grandma: Oh, well, that's different. Carol, you've never looked lovelier. Into the chocolate pudding I see…
Carol: Its Mississippi river mud!
Ben: Boy, you must have really been hungry.
Grandma: Hey hey hey hey
Ben: Get off of me!
Grandma: Quiet. If you wake up your grandfather…..Oh, maybe it's an hour to apply, a minute to dry.
Ben: Hey Carol has turned into a stone.
Carol: What? What's going on?
Grandma: Now now, it's nothing to be alarmed about, I will have it off in a jiffy.

Grandma: Do you know where your father keeps his chisels?
Carol: Mike's in Spain and my face is frozen in mud, its not fair.
BUS: Good morning, bus tickets are now on sale for all points north.
Amy: We are not together.
Mike: Uh, hey say, thanks for lending me your tooth brush.
Amy: Its not what you think, we slept on park benches last night. Different park benches, different parks. And he didn't borrow my toothbrush, he stole it.
Mike: I don't think he speaks English.
Carol: Good, it's none of his business anyway. Passage as far as I can go towards Paris. (Spanish) This is all the money I have.
Mike: Yeah, 2, dos, me too. Hey can I help it if I happen to be going to the same place as you are? Which is?
Amy: I could tell you, and you still wouldn't know.
Mike: Ah, she's always like this…Canadian. Uh hey you say you don't need me? Hey look, you need me just to keep your tickets straight.
Amy: Those aren't tickets, that's money.
Mike: Oh, well then I better keep this in a safe place.
Amy: It's my money, give me that…
Mike: Hey……………..
Jason: (SPANISH) What's up doctor?
Doctor: Ah no need for the high school French…
Jason: How's my wife?
Doctor: Excellent, and you have a 4000 gram healthy happy baby boy.
Jason: I don't understand.
Doctor: Ah, metric…forgive me…your son…he weighs eight pounds.
Jason: No, I don't have a baby.
Doctor: It is bad enough you are not by your wife's side when the child was born, now you disown her completely?
Jason: No, no..Seaver, my name is Seaver; I brought my wife in here to have her appendix removed.
Doctor: Oh sac le blue. What have we done…
Jason: What have you done?
Doctor: Oh, please, I'm sure it's just a little….how do you say….mix up in the paperwork. Don't worry; we loose patients all the time.
Bus: Hurry hurry, last call to re-board the bus.(Spanish)
Mike: Look, I don't mean to rush you but they are re-boarding the bus.
Amy: It doesn't matter anymore.
Mike: Hey if you are not out here by the count of three, I'm leaving without you.
1, 2, two and a half, two and three quarters… Come on.
Ticker man: Hey hey, if you want to get on you need to buy another ticket.

Mike: What did you say to get us kicked off the bus?
Amy: Our tickets only took us this far.
Mike: Well, what did you tell him that for?
Amy: I didn't tell him, he told me. Its dusty. I hate dust…
Mike: All right look we can buy some more tickets.
Amy: We don't have any more money.
Mike: Oh yeah? What do you call this?
Amy: That's your cancel ticket.
Mike: What are you getting so mad at me for? The only reason we don't have any more money is because I bought us lunch
Amy: You spent 50 dollars on a couple of ding dongs.
Mike: well is it my fault that they don't put what the food is worth on the money? Hey, what are you walking so fast for?
Amy: It's 400 miles to Paris.
Mike: 400 miles? We got 4 days…that's 70 miles a day.
Amy: You are such an idiot.
Mike: You are right, you're right…kilometers. We are even closer than we thought.
Doctor: Uh Mr. Seaver, you can relax. We straitened out everything.
Jason: I certainly hope so.
Doctor: It is actually quite amusing. You see, the same time that madam Seaver, your wife, checked into the hospital, another American madam Simon checked in too….
Jason: How's Maggie?
Doctor: Who?
Jason: My wife, Maggie, how is she?
Doctor: Oh oh she is in surgery, don't worry about a thing.
Nurse: Here is your baby sir (in French)
Jason: There better be an appendix in here.
Amy: Thank for your help.
Mike: Oh come on, hey look, at least you can do your part.
Amy: I don't like this
Mike: Just look like you are pregnant…perfect.
Man: This is as far as I go, my niece is getting married today.(Spanish)
Mike: Why are we stopping?
Amy: He doesn't like you either. This is as far as he goes.
Mike: Uh he's just going to leave a pregnant woman out here in the middle of nowhere? That's fine; we will deliver the baby ourselves.
Amy: Muchos gracias senior

Mike: A son！！！
MAN: Locos americanos!!! (Spanish)
Mike: Wow, you smell that?
Amy: Well, pardon me; I have been on the road.
Mike: No not you, something good. Hey come on, its over here, a little off to the right, about 100 yards.3 of the basic food groups. I can smell them
Amy: Oh look mike….the bride….she's beautiful…oh their dresses are great….lets go…
Mike: Lobster!!!
Amy: Mike, I'm serious.
Mike: Ham!!!
Amy: We are not going to crash someone's wedding. I'm not eating this food…aren't you going to have any clams? No not that one, the big one.

MAN: Can I help you?
Amy: Let's go mike.
Mike: Si, si si, we are American relativos. El cousins of the Groomo
Amy: I'm leaving Mike.
Mike: My wife just had a baby.
Amy: I did not, I had a knapsack…
Mike: Quick, how do you say husband in Spanish?
Amy: Esposo.
Mike: We are with the esposo...Thank you for inviting us to your home-o
MAN: The little liar. Why don't we crush his skull like a melon?
Mike: What's he saying?
Amy: They like you.
Mike: Ok well tell them the airlines lost our gift.
Amy: We are sorry. we have no money, we are hungry, we are Americans
Well, I'm American, he's Canadian. Please, oh please. (SPANISH)
Man: Ok, there will be no blood spilled on my daughters wedding day.
Please stay and eat all you wish (Spanish)
Mike: What what?
Amy: They have invited us to stay and eat..
Mike: Haha, gracias gracias…I'm crazy huh? I had that guy wrapped around my finger. What?
Amy: Never mind.
Mike: Uh, Amy, I think we better dance.
Amy: Forget it I don't dance.
Mike: You are kidding, why not?
Amy: I don't dance ok?
Mike: Why?
Amy: I haven't been asked that much, it doesn't matter anyway
Mike: Well look, I'm not asking you I'm telling you…come on.
Amy: Mike…
Mike: Right foot first, bend your elbow
TV: Today's forecast, 46 degrees with sleet on the way, a bizarre day weather wise, as every European city is overcast and rainy except for Barcelona where it's a warm and beautiful 82.
Carol: I hate my life
Ben: What did she say?
Chrissy: She said it's not fair. She hates her life.
Ben: Sounds like a bunch of gibberish to me.
Chrissy: Same as always.
Doctor: Your wife is fine, although she will have to stay here for the rest of the week; she is still in some pain.
Jason: But you found the right woman…Blonde, about this tall, probably very cranky about now…
Doctor: That's her all right.
Jason: So she's fine, the operation went well?
Doctor: Oh yes yes, it went perfectly, no complications…uhm, without getting too technical…
Jason: It's alright, I'm a doctor too…
Doctor: Oh I didn't realize it…so you understand about our little screw-up.
Jason: No no frankly I don't, I have never seen a hospital run quite this badly
I'd be ashamed to practice in a place like this.
Doctor: What is your specialty doctor Seaver?
Jason: Psychiatry.
Doctor: Perhaps you could have talked the appendix out.
Jason: Honey it is you…
Maggie: Jason. Is it a boy or a girl?
Jason: Shhh…don't let anyone hear you say that. Its an appendix and you are going to be fine.
Maggie: Oh yes I remember, I'm in a hospital.
Jason: Yes.
Maggie: In Paris…
Jason: And you look wonderful. I bet even your stitches are cute…yeah, I was right.
Maggie: Oh Jason, why did this have to happen now?
Jason: Hey it could have been worse; we could have been parents again.
Maggie: Uh?
Jason: Long story
Maggie: Jason, our anniversary…how long do I have to stay here?
Jason: Well about a week.
Maggie: We can't have our anniversary dinner at An Rees!
Jason: Oh, you know you haven't ruined a thing. Come on, we are together, we are in Paris…uh?
WALLA!

Mike: Well, I'll tell you what's bothering you…you just can't admit that it was my cunning that got us fed. Hey you are smiling! See, you do realize how lucky you are to be under my wing
Amy: Yeah, I sure do.
Mike: You know there's a lot of tricks I can teach you…before you know it you'd wind up having a good time.
Amy: Let's say I settle for the best of a bad situation.
Mike: For what it's worth Amy, you are not the dud you think you are. Oh, and I mean that pretty much the way it sounds. Hey look, ill handle this one.
Amy: But you don't speak the language.
Mike: Trust me, I don't need a language.
Jason: Oh you got the pillow…that's for me
Nurse: …
Jason: No you don't understand I'm here for her sake, so I would be like to be sitting on something…Now look what you have done! Excuse ?a excuse-1 miss…uh…Va va voom, out!
Maggie: Jason, what is going on? It took me nearly 2 hours to go to sleep.
So if you are going to insist on staying here, would you please…
Jason: Honey no need for long thank you…I know what me being here means to you.
shhh
Woman: This is it, end of the line. (Spanish)
Mike: Gracias, gracias a bunch.
Amy: Where are we?
Mike: We are in Paris, hey where's the Eiffel tower?
Amy: I don't believe this!! You brought us right back where we started.
Mike: Oh no I didn't, we are miles away from that hotel was where that guy was trying to kill me.
Amy: Him?
Mike: Where are you going?
Amy: Away from you. I should have known that any guy whose IQ is less than his waist size is useless.
Mike: Oh come on I'm not useless.
Amy: Ok, name one thing, just one thing that you got right since we landed in Spain.
Mike: Ok, well unlike you I did not leave my wallet in that truck.
Amy: Uhhhhhh!!!
Mike: I have it, right here…Would you slow down? Of fine, you didn't thank me for the food, so why should you thank me for the wallet…
Amy: You didn't get the food, I did. That guy was going to crush your cap like a melon.
Mike: How can someone kid themselves like this? Look, would you hold on a second? Look, I can try to get in touch with my parents again.
Amy: Come on Mike, we both know that this whole parent thing is just a big joke.
Mike: Yeah, I know, but at least they've got money.
I'm calling for dr.Jason Seaver? What do you mean, he's checked out? No forwarding address? Thank you.
Amy: On my itinerary right now, I would be at this little church in Corbe…I mean not like its any great landmark, my grandparents were married there
Mike: Yeah look can I borrow one of those little coins with the picture of Elvis on it?
Amy: That king Yuan-Carlos.
Mike: Yeah, look, in my book here is only one king.
Amy: So now you want to borrow my very last pesetas?
Mike: Thank you…I got to find out where they are.

Chrissy: I'll get it…Four hearts Grandma.
Grandma: Four spades…
Chrissy: Big talk grandma…you are bluffing. Hello? Chrissy Seaver's house. My daddy told me not to accept collect calls.
Mike: Chrissy, it's Mike.
Chrissy: Hi, he said especially not from you.
Mike: So what are you going to do Chrissy?
Chrissy: I accept the charges.
Mike: That a girl!
Carol: Is that Mike?
Chrissy: No, it's for me, and it's private. Get out.
Carol: It is Mike.
Chrissy: Nice Carol, you just hung up on mom and dad.
Carol: What?
Mike: UH…she hung up…Amy? Amy? Amy? Amy? Amy? Amy?