英文演讲录 卡拉·迪瓦伊：走出抑郁(1)（在线收听）

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, I don't really need to introduce our next guest Cara Delevingne.

晚上好，女士们先生们，下面这位嘉宾卡拉·迪瓦伊真的不用我多介绍。

She's the face of today.

她是今天的主角。

She has more Twitter followers than President Obama.

她在推特上的粉丝比奥巴马总统还多。

The less I realised today than her friend, who's in the audience somewhere, Kendall Jenner.

我今天才知道，她的朋友肯达尔·詹娜现在就坐在观众席。

And we could go into that later.

我们可以稍后再讨论这个问题。

And Cara, we're going to go straight in here.

卡拉，我们现在直接进入主题。

It's amazing how somehow you have been one of those faces that encapsulates the time.

你已经成为时代缩影之一了，真的很了不起。

But I want to go straight back to the beginning because what happened before modelling?

但我想听你从头说起，在当模特之前发生了什么？

How did it all get going?

一切都是怎么发展的？

I mean, what was going on with you, for example, when you were 15.

比如说，你15岁的时候发生了什么。

Okay. So, I'm going to go back.

好的。所以，我要回去了。

But before I do that, I'm just going to give a quick summary of what I want to talk about my main points.

但在此之前，我要简单总结一下我想要谈的主要观点。

So, I had to take my shoes off because I'm bloody scared.

我不得不把鞋脱了，因为我非常害怕。

What I want to say is through growing up, what I've discovered is that this world is a very vast, a very wonderful and beautiful one.

我想说的是，经历成长的过程，我发现这个世界是一个非常广阔、非常精彩、非常美丽的世界。

And there are so many things to discover, but the most important journey I think all of us will go through is the journey in ourselves, to find our truth, to find who we are and what makes us happy.

有很多美好的东西等我们去发现，但我认为我们所有人都将经历的最重要的旅程是我们自己的旅程，去发现我们的本质，去发现我们是谁，去发现让我们快乐的东西。

And in our culture, we are told that if we're beautiful, if we're skinny, if we're successful, famous, if we fit in, if everyone loves us, that we'll be happy.

在我们的文化中，我们被告知，如果我们漂亮、苗条、成功、有名气，如果我们合群，如果每个人都爱我们，我们就会快乐。

But that's not entirely true.

但这并不完全正确。

And this is what I want to talk about basically.

这基本上就是我想要说的。

I'm going to start with a poem that I wrote when I wasn't very happy.

我要从我不太开心时写的一首诗开始。

I actually wrote this a year ago, but again, as if you know depression, it comes back.

其实这是我一年前写的，那时候我抑郁症又犯了。

It's a reoccurring thing that you can't really sort away. Anyway.

反反复复，又无法摆脱。

Who am I? Who am I trying to be?

我是谁？我想成为谁？

Not myself. Anyone but myself.

不是我自己。除了我自己以外的任何人。

Living in a fantasy to bury the reality, making myself the mystery.

活在理想中，埋葬现实，让自己变得神秘。

A strong facade, disguising the misery. Empty but beyond the point of emptiness.

坚强的外表，掩饰着苦难，空虚至极。

Full to the brim of fake confidence.

充满着虚假的自信。

A God that will never be broken because I broke a long time ago.

永远不会被击倒的上帝，因为我已崩溃很久了。

I'm hurting, but don't tell anyone. No one needs to know. Don't show or you've failed.

我很受伤，但没有告诉任何人。不须任何人知道，别表现出来，否则你就失败了。

Always okay, always fine, always on show.

始终表现正常。

The show must go on. It will never stop.

人生如戏，永不停息。

The show must not go on, but I know it will.

不遂我愿，继续前行。

I give up, I give up giving up. I am lost.

我放弃了，我放弃了。我迷失了自己。

I don't need to be saved; I need to be found.

我需要的不是救赎；我需要被找到。

Basically, it's kind of just the same reoccurring thing of, yeah, not knowing who you are and feeling lost.

这首诗表现了我反复出现的抑郁情绪，是的，不知道自己是谁，感觉迷失了。

And that's really in one sense, I think must be why you're incredibly popular because that's the kind of feeling of alienation that a lot of young people have, whether they're a model or not these days.

从某种意义上说，我认为这一定是你很受欢迎的原因，因为这是现在许多年轻人都有的一种疏离感，不管他们是不是模特。

Yeah. And I think, again, so yeah, this started when I was about 15 years old, I was in school.

是的。还有一次，大概是我15岁的时候，我还在上学。

I really wanted to do well at school to please my parents, to please my family.

我真的很想在学校表现好，取悦我的父母，取悦我的家人。

I didn't really care that much about school because I knew I was never going to be very good at it.

我真的不太在意学校，因为我知道我永远不会表现得很好。

I think I pushed myself so far, got to the point where I had a bit of a mental breakdown.

我想我把自己逼得太紧了，到了有点精神崩溃的地步。

Were you clever at school or stupid?

你在学校是机灵还是笨笨的？

I was one of those people that just like just did enough work. But again.

我是那种做了足够多工作的人。但是又一次失败。

Lazy. Probably.

懒惰。可能吧。

I have very bad learning disabilities though.

不过，我有非常严重的学习障碍。

If you look at my writing, it's not, it's not good.

如果你看我的书写，确实不是很好。

It's probably like a nine-year-old boy, if you know what that looks like.

我的笔迹就像一个9岁的男孩写的，如果你知道那是什么样子的话。

But I was just pushing past.

我刚才说到过去。

Yeah, so I got to the point where I went a bit mad. I was completely suicidal. Didn't want to live anymore.

我到了有点发疯的地步。我完全是想自杀。不想再活下去了。

I thought that I was completely alone.

我就觉得我完全是孤身一人。

I also realized how lucky I was and what a wonderful family, wonderful friends I had. But that didn't matter.

我也知道我很幸运，我有非常美好的家庭，很棒的朋友。但那些都不重要了。

I wanted the world to swallow me up and nothing seemed better to me than death, which is completely insane.

我想让世界把我吞没，对我来说，没有什么比死亡更好的了，完全精神失常了。