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Talking about sex with Children

跟你的孩子谈性

Have you talked to your kids about sex yet? After giving us the strategies and a handbook—for starting the conversation, Dr. Laura Berman's back to help the parents of teenagers still struggling with the sex talk.

你跟你的孩子谈性了吗?之前劳拉·波曼博士给我们提供过有关如何开始这个话题的策略以及一本指南,现在她回来了，回来帮助那些还在为这个性话题苦苦挣扎的父母们。

The talk shouldn't only be about STD prevention and pregnancy, Dr. Berman says. It's also about empowerment—and Dr. Berman says the conversation needs to include pleasure and selfstimulation.

波曼博士认为这一话题不应该只是有关防止性病传染和怀孕， 它还涉及了“授权”问题。这一交谈必须是令人愉快的和具有自我刺激性的交谈。

“You don't want her to have sex right now. ... But you eventually want her to have a fulfilling, happy, loving, intimate sex life，” she says. “When the time comes, she's much more likely to make those healthy decisions since she feels good about who she is as a sexual person and not just give away that gift to anybody the first time or any time."

波曼博士说你并不想她现在就跟人发生性关系，但你最终还是希望她有一个满意的、快乐的、充满爱的和亲密的性生活。什么时候她觉得自己已经是一位好的性伙伴了,她就很可能会作出那些正确的决 定,而不是把自己的第一次(或任何一次)随便地交给任何一人。”

After dating for three months, 14-year-old Courtney and Pierce say they're thinking about taking their relationship to the next level. Both say it would be their first time.

14岁的科特妮和皮尔斯在交往3个月之后打算进一步深入发展两人之间的关系。两人都说这会是他们的第一次。

Pierce's mom, Lisa, says she noticed how her son was looking at Courtney and started to suspect something might happen soon. 6tFrom my gut, they are getting very, very close to have sex,she says.

皮尔斯的母亲丽莎说她留意到了儿子望着科特妮时的眼神，并开始猜测有些事很快就要发生。她说凭我的直觉,他们很快就要发生性关系。

Dr. Berman says if you suspect that your children are thinking about having sex, you need to ask them several important questions. What should parents know about having this conversation with their own children? This is the kind of conversation where you need to be calm, listening a lot, asking questions, hearing opinions and giving them your thoughts and feelings,Dr. Berman says.

波曼博士说，如果你怀疑你的孩子在考虑着要发生性关系了， 你就得问他们几个重要的间题。跟自己的孩子进行这祥的交谈,父母应该了解些什么？波曼博士说广这种交谈需要你静下心来,听他们说,问他们问题，听他们的意见,给出你的想法和感受。”

Get all Dr. Berman's questions for a teen who's thinking about having sex.

把波曼博士提出的所有问题带给一个正考虑要发生性关系的青少年吧。

The first question Dr. Berman has for Pierce and Courtney is simple why now?

而波曼博士问皮尔斯和科特妮的第一个问题很简单一为什么现在想做？

“We've been dating for a little while, and we feel like we're ready,” Pierce says. “We love each other, and we're not just doing it because we want to do it.... We want it to be special.”

皮尔斯说广我们交往有一段时间了，我们感觉我们已经准备好了。我们爱彼此，我们这样做不只是出于我们想要这样做……我们想让它变得特别起来。”

“I think having sex, intercourse, is a really big step in your life. When you do it for the first time, it has to be with someone that you really care about' Courtney says. “I do really care about Pierce, and I think for me to do it with him for the first time would be really special.”

科特妮说广我觉得做爱、性交,真的是你生命中的一大台阶。你的第一次应该跟一个你真正在 乎的人发生。我真的在乎皮尔斯,而且我觉得我跟他的第一次肯定会很特别。”

Dr. Berman also wants to make sure Courtney and Pierce have thought through the emotional changes that come with sex. “The first time, it comes with intense emotions, intense feelings especially afterward,55 she says.

波曼博士还想弄明白：性所带来的情感变化，科特妮和皮尔斯想通了吗？她说:“随着第一次性关系而来的是强烈的情感和情绪一过后尤其如此。”

Questions Dr. Berman says they need to consider are:

波曼博士认为他们需要考虑的问题有：

What does this mean for who I am as a person?

我是谁？这对我来说意味着什么？

What does this mean for my body?

这对我的身体来说意味着什么？

What does this mean for my relationship with this person?

对于我跟这个人的关系,这又意味着什么？

What happens next?

接下来会发生什么？

If they do have sex, have Courtney and Pierce discussed their expectations for how frequently it would happen? “It's not really up to me，” Pierce says. “It's her decision how often she wants to continue doing it, so I don't really have a choice.”

如果科特妮和皮尔斯真的发生了性行为,那么他们讨论过他们期待的下一次将隔多长时间了吗？皮尔斯说这不由我决定,她想隔多久就多久,我没有选择。”

Good answer, Dr. Berman says. “She's got to consent. That's good' she says. “That's part of the conversation as well.”

波漫博士说,回答得好。她说：“科特妮也这么认为,这也是交谈的一部分。”

Whether you have boys at home or girls, Dr. Berman says the information you give needs to be the same.

波曼博士说,无论你家孩子是男孩还是女孩,跟他们说的要一致。

“Boys are under a tremendous amount of pressure as well,” Dr. Berman says. “I think we really have to pay attention to that, too, and give them both the same information the same lack of permission or permission as the case may be and the same resources.”

波漫博士说广男孩同样承受着巨大的压力,我们必须注意这一点,给他们相同的信息一允许,还是不允许一视情况而定,但信息资源是一样的。”