海军协定（17）（在线收听）

“Then for the first time the horror of my situation came in its full force. Hitherto I had been acting, and action had numbed thought. I had been so confident of regaining the treaty at once that I had not dared to think of what would be the consequence if I failed to do so. But now there was nothing more to be done, and I had leisure to realize my position. It was horrible. Watson there would tell you that I was a nervous, sensitive boy at school. It is my nature. I thought of my uncle and of his colleagues in the Cabinet, of the shame which I had brought upon him, upon myself, upon every one connected with me. What though I was the victim of an extraordinary accident? No allowance is made for accidents where diplomatic interests are at stake. I was ruined, shamefully, hopelessly ruined. I don't know what I did. I fancy I must have made a scene. I have a dim recollection of a group of officials who crowded round me, endeavoring to soothe me. One of them drove down with me to Waterloo, and saw me into the Woking train. I believe that he would have come all the way had it not been that Dr. Ferrier, who lives near me, was going down by that very train. The doctor most kindly took charge of me, and it was well he did so, for I had a fit in the station, and before we reached home I was practically a raving maniac.

“这时，我才开始意识到我的处境可怕到了极点，迄今为止，我只顾行动，根本没顾上思考。我一直深信可以很快找到那份协定，因此我根本不敢想如果找不到，后果如何。可是现在既已一筹莫展，我就有空来考虑自己的处境了。这实在太可怕了。华生可能已告诉你，我在学校时，是一个胆怯而敏一感的孩子。我的一性一格就是这样。我想到我舅父和他内阁里的同僚，想到我给他带来的耻辱，给我自己和亲友带来的耻辱，我个人成为这个非常离奇的意外事件的牺牲品，又算得了什么呢？重要的是外一交一利益事关重大，绝不允许出一点意外事故的。我算毁了，毫无希望地可耻地毁了。我不知道我做了些什么。我想我一定是当众大闹了一场。我只模模糊糊地记得当时有一些同事围着我，尽力安慰我。有一个同事陪我一起乘车到滑铁卢，把我送上去沃金的火车。我相信，当时如果不是我的邻居费里尔医生也乘这次火车同行，那么那位同事会一直把我送到家的。这位医生对我照顾得非常周到，也确实多亏他这样照顾我，因为我在车站就已昏厥过一次，在我到家之前几乎成了一个语无伦次的疯子。