|
Well, here I am, enjoying a delicious cappuccino at a fashionable cafe in Brighton. As you can see, this place is very, uh…fashionable for all the…um…fashionable young people here in Brighton. I’m waiting here for Alan, for my husband Alan, so we can go shopping and buy him some winter clothes. And here he comes now.
So, did you get Alice?
No, she was out, damn it!
Alice, by the way, is Alan’s ex-wife. They were married for fifteen years, and then she left him two years ago, for a… who did she go off with, honey? It was an Italian waiter, wasn’t it?
Look, I don’t thing I want you telling everyone about my private life.
Yeah, that was it. As I said, Alice left Alan two years age, for an Italian waiter. And he was fifteen years younger than her, too! People talked! You know how they are.
Will you stop it please, Deborah?
So after that, Alan and Alice divorced, of course. That was over two year’s ago. But he still calls her from time to time, I don’t really know why. In fact, he really calls her a lot; like just now, for instance. Even now that Alan and I are on vacation, on our honeymoon, Alan still calls Alice, nearly everyday.
That’s enough, Deborah! I wanted to talk to her about business, that’s all. As you know! Now can we please talk about something else! Ok, have you ordered anything?
Why of course. I have! I’ve been here for nearly an hour, I had a cappuccino.
Ok, I’ll go order a coffee and a sandwich, coffee, with milk, please, and a cheese sandwich! Yeah, at the table. Geez, what a day!
It hasn’t exactly been a great day for me.
And I’m still damn cold, too!
So you need to get some nice winter clothes, right?
Of course I do.
Ok, now, while you were back at the hotel, I sat here and just looked at some of the other guys. I got lots of ideas for your change of style.
What change of style?
Like, take a look at that guy over there.
What about him?
Well, a guy like that has real style, know what I mean?
Why don’t you dress something like him, for instance?
Look, Deborah, I’m 20years older than him, and about 100 pounds heavier. How can I possibly dress like him?
It’s just an idea. That’s all.
So why don’t you dress something like her, then? That girl over there.
You want me to look like that? Is that what you would like? You want a young girl like her?
Well, of course, any guy would. I mean, that’s just normal.
You think its normal, on your honeymoon, to go looking at young girls?
But you looked at those other guys!
That was different! I was just interested in their clothes!
Ah, what’s the use? Geez, this is some vacation! Some honeymoon!
It started bad, and it gets worse every day. First we went on that damn pier, and I get sick. Then we went to that other place, where everything was 600 years old, and I got sick again. And we went to look for lunch, but we didn’t find anything which was OK by you, so, no lunch. Then what happened? Ohm yes, we went to have dinner with your friends sorry, to cook dinner for your friends, only they there, so we cooked something which I hate, which I can’t eat, so yeah, I cooked it, and then I put it down the toilet. So that was another great evening. Then we went for a walk, no, no, first we went for a long drive around all the freeways and roundabouts in the south of England, and then we went for a walk, in the Devil’s Icebox or something only it was colder than an icebox…
So we came back here to buy some clothes. Only I can’t buy the clothes I want because I have no style, because I’m only some American from Pittsburgh, not some British lord or Italian duke or something. Geez.
Have you finished?
Yeah, I really think I have.
I don’t know how you can talk to me like that, Alan!
I bring you to England, I show you my favorite places, all these lovely, historic places, and that’s all you can say! You haven’t said one nice thing about any place all that time. We’re been here! It’s always: "Geez, it’s so old,” or “Geez, it’s so small,” Where is the poetry in you, Alan? Maybe there isn’t any poetry in me, Deborah! Maybe I’m not want you think I am! Maybe you married the wrong guy!
And maybe you married the wrong woman! Why didn’t you stay with Alice? Why don’t you go back to her now?
Will you keep Alice out of this? And keep your voice down!
I know why you don’t go back to her! Because she won’t have you. Because she’s gotten herself someone else? That’s right, isn’t it?
I said, keep your voice down!
So you went and got someone else too, the first person you found just anyone and that was me!
You don’t really want me; you just wanted to hurt Alice.
Go on, say it, it’s true!
Ah, to hell with it! It’s impossible to talk to you, Deborah!
I’m going!
Where to?
I don’t know! To play golf! Back to Pittsburgh!
To the devil!
Sorry about that. So that was my husband, Alan. Uh…I think he’s a little angry today. Well, uh…see you all later bye for now! |