Act Two, Scene 1 MAKING THE BET
It is 11am in Henry Higgins' house the next day. Henry Higgins and Colonel Pickering are sitting deep in conversation.
H: Do you want to hear any more sounds?
CP: No, thank you. I rather fancied myself because I can pronounce twenty-four distinct vowel sounds; but your one hundred and thirty beat me. I can't distinguish most of them.
H: (laughing) Well, that comes with practice.
There is a knock and Mrs Pearce (MP), the housekeeper, comes in with cookies, a teapot, some cream and two cups.
MP: (hesitating) A young girl is asking to see you.
H: A young girl! What does she want?
MP: Well, she's quite a common kind of girl with dirty nails.I thought perhaps you wanted her to talk into your machines.
H: Why? Has she got an interesting accent? We'll see.Show her in, Mrs Pearce.
MP: (only half resigned to it) Very well, sir. (goes downstairs)
H: This is a bit of luck. I'll show you how I make records on wax disks ...
MP: (returning) This is the young girl, sir. (Eliza comes into the room shyly following Mrs Pearce. She is dirty and wearing a shabby dress. She curtsies to the two men.)
H: (disappointed) Why! I've got this girl in my records. She's the one we saw the other day. She's no use at all. Take her away.
CP: (gently to Eliza) What do you-want, young lady?
E: (upset) I wanna be a lady in a flower shop 'stead o' selling flowers in the street. But they won't take me 'less I speak better. So here I am, ready to pay him. I'm not asking for any favours - and he treats me like dirt.
H: How much?
E: (happier) Now yer talking. A lady friend of mine gets French lessons for two shillings an hour from a real Frenchman. You wouldn't have the face to ask me for the same for teaching me as yer would for French. So I won't give yer more than a shilling.
H: (ignoring Eliza and speaking to Pickering) If you think of how much money this girl has - why, it's the best offer I've had! (to Eliza) But if I teach you, I'll be worse than a father.
CP: I say, Higgins. Do you remember what you said last night? I'll say you're the greatest teacher alive if you can pass her off as a lady. I'll be the referee for this little bet and pay for the lessons too ...
E: (gratefully) Oh, yer real good, yer are. Thank you, Colonel.
H: Oh, she is so deliciously low. (compromises) OK, I'll teach you. (to Mrs Pearce) But she'll need to be cleaned first. Take her away, Mrs Pearce. Wash her and burn her horrible clothes. We'll buy her new ones. What's your name, girl?
E: I'm Eliza Doolittle and I'm clean. My clothes went to the laundry when I washed last week.
MP: Well, Mr Higgins has a bathtub of his own and he has a bath every morning. If these two gentlemen teach you, you'll have to do the same. They won't like the smell of you otherwise.
E: (sobbing) I can't. I dursn't. It ain't natural and it'd kill me. I've never had a bath in my life; not over my whole body, neither below my waist nor taking my vest off. I'd never have come if I'd known about this disgusting thing you want me to do ...
H: Once more, take her away, Mrs Pearce, immediately. (Outside Eliza is still weeping with Mrs Pearce) You see the problem, Pickering. It'll be how to teach her grammar, not just pronunciation. She's in need of both.
CP: And there's another problem, Higgins. What are we going to do once the experiment is over?
H: (heartily) Throw her back.
CP: But you cannot overlook that! She'll be changed and she has feelings too. We must be practical, mustn't we?
H: Well, we'll deal with that later. First, we must plan the best way to teach her.
CP: How about beginning with the alphabet. That's usually considered very effective ... (fades out as they go offstage together)
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