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Helping Children Too Much Is Hurting Them

时间:2016-03-02 14:58来源:互联网 提供网友:nan   字体: [ ]
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Helping1 Children Too Much Is Hurting Them

From VOA Learning English, this is the Health & Lifestyle report.

"Helicopter parenting" describes a style of raising children where parents are over-protective and do too much.

The term was used for the first time in the late (nineteen) sixties. It describes parents who hover2 over their kids at home and at the playground like a helicopter. Today, modern technology allows these helicopter parents to hover from even far away. They can give their children directions at any moment from anywhere.

Author Julie Lythcott-Haims wrote a book titled How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kids for Success. In her book, she gives readers a closer look at this parenting style. She also explains why parents should stop it.

Julie Lythcott-Haims says she experienced the effects of helicopter parenting firsthand when she worked as dean3 of first year students at Stanford University. The incoming students, or freshmen4, she says, were very smart and accomplished5 on paper. But many were unable to take care of themselves.

"They were turning to parents constantly for guidance, for problem solving, to have them make the choice about something."

Oftentimes, Lythcott-Haims had to remind those parents that their kids were old enough to take care of themselves. However, one evening she discovered that she too might be a helicopter mom.

"I came home one day - my own kids were 8 and 10 at the time - and I leaned over at dinner and began cutting my 10-year-old son's meat. And I realized, 'Oh my goodness, I'm over-helping my 10-year-old. He should be able to cut his own meat! It's my job to teach him. I haven't done that.' I'm on track to being one of those parents.’ I that's when I began to develop real empathy for parents and realized we're over helping with the best of intentions."

Over-parenting, she says, comes in three types:

1. The over-protective parent.

"Over-protective. Parents who think the world is scary and unsafe and unpredictable. And therefore, I must protect and prevent.”

2. The over-directive parent.

“Second type is the over-directive type -- the parent who says, I know best what leads to success and you will do as I say. You'll study these topics, you'll do these activities and you will be highly achieving at all of it.'”

3. And then there is the concierge6 parent. The concierge at a hotel is the person who takes care of all your needs and makes your stay as perfect as can be.

“The third type is the concierge -- the parent who just wants to make life smoother -- from waking their kid up, to keeping track of their deadlines, to making sure they haven't forgotten anything, to having those tough conversations with the teacher to outright7 helping with the homework or maybe doing the homework for the kid."

Lythcott-Haims warns this kind of parenting has many short-term wins but long-term costs that harm the child. She uses an area common to most children – a playground. Lythcott-Haims suggests letting your child get a little hurt.

"If you're at the playground next to them, if they fall or slip, you're right there to catch them and they do not suffer, you know, the bruised9 knee or whatever it might be. If you're helping with your kid's homework, they are going to get better grade. Those are the short-term wins. The long-term cost is -- if your kid doesn't learn how to manage their own body on a playground, which is a lesson only learned by falling a few times -- they don't learn the long-term lesson."

If you do your child's homework, it will be perfect. That is what she calls the short-term win. The long-term cost is that your child may not feel capable. And they not become a persistent10 learner, meaning they will give up easily when faced with a difficult problem to solve.

“If you’re always helping with their homework, what you’re effectively telling them is, ‘Hey, kid, you’re not capable of being a fourth grader. Don’t worry. I’m going to help with your homework.' They begin to feel less capable. They begin very reliant11 on parents to correct and perfect their academic work. It’s not preparing them to be the persistent learners who will be successful in life.

Four ways to stop over-parenting

So what can parents do if they want to break the over-parenting “helicopter” cycle? Lythcott-Haims offers four ways to stop hovering12 over your children.

"We have to stop saying 'we' when we mean 'our son or our daughter.' All too often a parent would say 'we are on the travel soccer team.' Well, no, your son is or your daughter is.”

“The next thing is we have to stop arguing with all of the adults in our kids' lives. We need to teach our kids to advocate for themselves.”

“The third thing is we must stop doing our kids’ homework.”

“The fourth thing is we got to build skills, teach them to cross the street, teach them to make a meal, teach them to remember to put their own items in their backpacks, which becomes a briefcase13 one day."

When kids have all the skills to take care of themselves, Lythcott-Haims says, they will be prepared for adulthood14.

Words in This Story

hover – v. to float in the air without moving in any direction, as with a helicopter

firsthand – adj. coming directly from actually experiencing or seeing something

empathy – n. the feeling that you understand and share another person's experiences and emotions; the ability to share someone else's feelings

intention – n. done in a way that is planned

bruise8 – n. a dark and painful area on your skin that results from an injury

capable – adj. able to do something; having the qualities or abilities that are needed to do something; skilled at doing something; able to do something well

persistent – adj. continuing to do something or to try to do something even when it is difficult or other people want you to stop

reliant – adj. needing someone or something for help or support

advocate – n. one that supports the interests of another


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 helping 2rGzDc     
n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的,辅助的
参考例句:
  • The poor children regularly pony up for a second helping of my hamburger. 那些可怜的孩子们总是要求我把我的汉堡包再给他们一份。
  • By doing this, they may at times be helping to restore competition. 这样一来, 他在某些时候,有助于竞争的加强。
2 hover FQSzM     
vi.翱翔,盘旋;徘徊;彷徨,犹豫
参考例句:
  • You don't hover round the table.你不要围着桌子走来走去。
  • A plane is hover on our house.有一架飞机在我们的房子上盘旋。
3 Dean lmUyu     
n.(大学)院长,系主任,教务长
参考例句:
  • The students much like the new dean.学生们很喜欢这位新系主任。
  • Who is the dean of the Foreign Languages Department?外语系主任是谁?
4 freshmen bcdb5f5d859647798b83af425baa69ee     
n.(中学或大学的)一年级学生( freshman的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • We are freshmen and they are sophomores. 我们是一年级学生,他们是二年级学生。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • University freshmen get lots of razzing, but they like the initiation. 大一新生受各种嘲弄,但是他们对这种入门经验甘之如饴。 来自辞典例句
5 accomplished UzwztZ     
adj.有才艺的;有造诣的;达到了的
参考例句:
  • Thanks to your help,we accomplished the task ahead of schedule.亏得你们帮忙,我们才提前完成了任务。
  • Removal of excess heat is accomplished by means of a radiator.通过散热器完成多余热量的排出。
6 concierge gppzr     
n.管理员;门房
参考例句:
  • This time the concierge was surprised to the point of bewilderment.这时候看门人惊奇到了困惑不解的地步。
  • As I went into the dining-room the concierge brought me a police bulletin to fill out.我走进餐厅的时候,看门人拿来一张警察局发的表格要我填。
7 outright Qj7yY     
adv.坦率地;彻底地;立即;adj.无疑的;彻底的
参考例句:
  • If you have a complaint you should tell me outright.如果你有不满意的事,你应该直率地对我说。
  • You should persuade her to marry you outright.你应该彻底劝服她嫁给你。
8 bruise kcCyw     
n.青肿,挫伤;伤痕;vt.打青;挫伤
参考例句:
  • The bruise was caused by a kick.这伤痕是脚踢的。
  • Jack fell down yesterday and got a big bruise on his face.杰克昨天摔了一跤,脸上摔出老大一块淤斑。
9 bruised 5xKz2P     
[医]青肿的,瘀紫的
参考例句:
  • his bruised and bloodied nose 他沾满血的青肿的鼻子
  • She had slipped and badly bruised her face. 她滑了一跤,摔得鼻青脸肿。
10 persistent BSUzg     
adj.坚持不懈的,执意的;持续的
参考例句:
  • Albert had a persistent headache that lasted for three days.艾伯特连续头痛了三天。
  • She felt embarrassed by his persistent attentions.他不时地向她大献殷勤,使她很难为情。
11 reliant rt9yU     
adj.依靠的,信赖自己的
参考例句:
  • The hostel is heavily reliant upon charity.这家收容所在很大程度上依赖赞助。
  • The service has become heavily reliant on government support.这项服务变得高度依赖政府扶持。
12 hovering 99fdb695db3c202536060470c79b067f     
鸟( hover的现在分词 ); 靠近(某事物); (人)徘徊; 犹豫
参考例句:
  • The helicopter was hovering about 100 metres above the pad. 直升机在离发射台一百米的上空盘旋。
  • I'm hovering between the concert and the play tonight. 我犹豫不决今晚是听音乐会还是看戏。
13 briefcase lxdz6A     
n.手提箱,公事皮包
参考例句:
  • He packed a briefcase with what might be required.他把所有可能需要的东西都装进公文包。
  • He requested the old man to look after the briefcase.他请求那位老人照看这个公事包。
14 adulthood vKsyr     
n.成年,成人期
参考例句:
  • Some infantile actions survive into adulthood.某些婴儿期的行为一直保持到成年期。
  • Few people nowadays are able to maintain friendships into adulthood.如今很少有人能将友谊维持到成年。
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