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Chapter 15 - Nikolai at home
To say “tomorrow” and keep up a dignified1 tone was not difficult, but to go home alone, see his sisters, brother, mother, and father, confess and ask for money he had no right to after giving his word of honor, was terrible.
At home, they had not yet gone to bed. The young people, after returning from the theater, had had supper and were grouped round the clavichord2. As soon as Nikolai entered, he was enfolded in that poetic3 atmosphere of love which pervaded4 the Rostov household that winter and, now after Dolokhov’s proposal and Iogel’s ball, seemed to have grown thicker round Sonya and Natasha as the air does before a thunderstorm. Sonya and Natasha, in the light-blue dresses they had worn at the theater, looking pretty and conscious of it, were standing5 by the clavichord, happy and smiling. Vera was playing chess with Shinshin in the drawing room. The old countess, waiting for the return of her husband and son, sat playing patience with the old gentlewoman who lived in their house. Denisov, with sparkling eyes and ruffled6 hair, sat at the clavichord striking chords with his short fingers, his legs thrown back and his eyes rolling as he sang, with his small, husky, but true voice, some verses called “Enchantress,” which he had composed, and to which he was trying to fit music:
What magic power is this recalls me still?
What spark has set my inmost soul on fire,
He was singing in passionate9 tones, gazing with his sparkling black-agate eyes at the frightened and happy Natasha.
“Splendid! Excellent!” exclaimed Natasha. “Another verse, she said, without noticing Nikolai.
“Everything’s still the same with them,” thought Nikolai, glancing into the drawing room, where he saw Vera and his mother with the old lady.
“Ah, and here’s Nikolai!” cried Natasha, running up to him.
“Is Papa at home?” he asked.
“I am so glad you’ve come!” said Natasha, without answering him. “We are enjoying ourselves! Vasili Dmitrich is staying a day longer for my sake! Did you know?”
“No, Papa is not back yet,” said Sonya.
“Nikolai, have you come? Come here, dear!” called the old countess from the drawing room.
Nikolai went to her, kissed her hand, and sitting down silently at her table began to watch her hands arranging the cards. From the dancing room, they still heard the laughter and merry voices trying to persuade Natasha to sing.
“All wight! All wight!” shouted Denisov. “It’s no good making excuses now! It’s your turn to sing the ba’cawolla — I entweat you!”
The countess glanced at her silent son.
“What is the matter?” she asked.
“Oh, nothing,” said he, as if weary of being continually asked the same question. “Will Papa be back soon?”
“I expect so.”
“Everything’s the same with them. They know nothing about it! Where am I to go?” thought Nikolai, and went again into the dancing room where the clavichord stood.
Sonya was sitting at the clavichord, playing the prelude10 to Denisov’s favorite barcarolle. Natasha was preparing to sing. Denisov was looking at her with enraptured11 eyes.
Nikolai began pacing up and down the room.
“Why do they want to make her sing? How can she sing? There’s nothing to be happy about!” thought he.
Sonya struck the first chord of the prelude.
“My God, I’m a ruined and dishonored man! A bullet through my brain is the only thing left me — not singing! “ his thoughts ran on. “Go away? But where to? It’s one — let them sing!”
He continued to pace the room, looking gloomily at Denisov and the girls and avoiding their eyes.
“Nikolenka, what is the matter?” Sonya’s eyes fixed12 on him seemed to ask. She noticed at once that something had happened to him.
Nikolai turned away from her. Natasha too, with her quick instinct, had instantly noticed her brother’s condition. But, though she noticed it, she was herself in such high spirits at that moment, so far from sorrow, sadness, or self-reproach, that she purposely deceived herself as young people often do. “No, I am too happy now to spoil my enjoyment13 by sympathy with anyone’s sorrow,” she felt, and she said to herself: “No, I must be mistaken, he must be feeling happy, just as I am.”
“Now, Sonya!” she said, going to the very middle of the room, where she considered the resonance14 was best.
Having lifted her head and let her arms droop15 lifelessly, as ballet dancers do, Natasha, rising energetically from her heels to her toes, stepped to the middle of the room and stood still.
“Yes, that’s me!” she seemed to say, answering the rapt gaze with which Denisov followed her.
“And what is she so pleased about?” thought Nikolai, looking at his sister. “Why isn’t she dull and ashamed?”
Natasha took the first note, her throat swelled16, her chest rose, her eyes became serious. At that moment she was oblivious17 of her surroundings, and from her smiling lips flowed sounds which anyone may produce at the same intervals18 hold for the same time, but which leave you cold a thousand times and the thousand and first time thrill you and make you weep.
Natasha, that winter, had for the first time begun to sing seriously, mainly because Denisov so delighted in her singing. She no longer sang as a child, there was no longer in her singing that comical, childish, painstaking19 effect that had been in it before; but she did not yet sing well, as all the connoisseurs20 who heard her said: “It is not trained, but it is a beautiful voice that must be trained.” Only they generally said this some time after she had finished singing. While that untrained voice, with its incorrect breathing and labored21 transitions, was sounding, even the connoisseurs said nothing, but only delighted in it and wished to hear it again. In her voice there was a virginal freshness, an unconsciousness of her own powers, and an as yet untrained velvety22 softness, which so mingled23 with her lack of art in singing that it seemed as if nothing in that voice could be altered without spoiling it.
“What is this?” thought Nikolai, listening to her with widely opened eyes. “What has happened to her? How she is singing today!” And suddenly the whole world centered for him on anticipation24 of the next note, the next phrase, and everything in the world was divided into three beats: “Oh mio crudele affetto.” . . . One, two, three . . . one, two, three . . . One . . . “Oh mio crudele affetto.” . . . One, two, three . . . One. “Oh, this senseless life of ours!” thought Nikolai. “All this misery25, and money, and Dolokhov, and anger, and honor — it’s all nonsense . . . but this is real. . . . Now then, Natasha, now then, dearest! Now then, darling! How will she take that si? She’s taken it! Thank God!” And without noticing that he was singing, to strengthen the si he sung a second, a third below the high note. “Ah, God! How fine! Did I really take it? How fortunate!” he thought.
Oh, how that chord vibrated, and how moved was something that was finest in Rostov’s soul! And this something was apart from everything else in the world and above everything in the world. “What were losses, and Dolokhov, and words of honor? . . . All nonsense! One might kill and rob and yet be happy . . . ”
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1
dignified
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| a.可敬的，高贵的 | |
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clavichord
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| n.（敲弦）古钢琴 | |
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3
poetic
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| adj.富有诗意的，有诗人气质的，善于抒情的 | |
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4
pervaded
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| v.遍及，弥漫( pervade的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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ruffled
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| adj. 有褶饰边的, 起皱的 动词ruffle的过去式和过去分词 | |
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7
Forsaken
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| adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词 | |
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bliss
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| n.狂喜，福佑，天赐的福 | |
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9
passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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prelude
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| n.序言，前兆，序曲 | |
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enraptured
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| v.使狂喜( enrapture的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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12
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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13
enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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14
resonance
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| n.洪亮；共鸣；共振 | |
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15
droop
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| v.低垂，下垂；凋萎，萎靡 | |
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16
swelled
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| 增强( swell的过去式和过去分词 )； 肿胀； （使）凸出； 充满（激情） | |
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17
oblivious
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| adj.易忘的，遗忘的，忘却的，健忘的 | |
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intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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19
painstaking
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| adj.苦干的；艰苦的，费力的，刻苦的 | |
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connoisseurs
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| n.鉴赏家，鉴定家，行家( connoisseur的名词复数 ) | |
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21
labored
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| adj.吃力的，谨慎的v.努力争取(for)( labor的过去式和过去分词 )；苦干；详细分析；（指引擎）缓慢而困难地运转 | |
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22
velvety
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| adj. 像天鹅绒的, 轻软光滑的, 柔软的 | |
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23
mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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24
anticipation
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| n.预期，预料，期望 | |
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25
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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