美国国家公共电台 NPR 'Three Women' Puts Female Desire At The Forefront

 

SARAH MCCAMMON, HOST:

For her new book, "Three Women," journalist Lisa Taddeo immersed herself in the sexual and emotional lives of three women over the course of nearly a decade. There's Lina, a Midwestern housewife who begins an affair to escape a sexless marriage; Sloane, a wealthy and beautiful New Englander married to a man who likes to watch her have sex with other people; and Maggie, a young woman from North Dakota who suffers through the aftermath of a sexual relationship with her high school teacher, including a trial that did not end with his conviction. Lisa Taddeo joins us now. Good morning.

LISA TADDEO: Good morning, Sarah.

MCCAMMON: This book really dives deeply into the sex lives but also the experience of desire of these women that you profile. What made you want to explore that?

TADDEO: For two reasons, the first being that, I think, desire is one of the things that we think about the most. And it's also our biggest secret - the thing that sort of causes the most reticence¹ to talk about. And I wanted to explore the nuance² of that intersection³. And the other thing is that, as women, predominantly, we've - we're talking a lot now about what we don't want, which is obviously vital and great. But we're still not talking about what we do want.

MCCAMMON: There's some element of taboo⁴ in the sex lives of each of these women - an extramarital affair, nonmonogamy, and in Maggie's story, a young woman who says she had a sexual relationship with her high school teacher. Did you intentionally⁵ want to explore taboo relationships?

TADDEO: I spoke⁶ to hundreds of men and women, people of all genders⁷ and sexual orientations⁸. And, you know, for starters, these were the three people - not even women but people in general - who let me into their hearts and minds and bedrooms in such a, you know, granular level. And, you know, as far as these women and pain and et cetera, I think that, you know, when it comes to desire, there is often pain attached to it. That's where the most passionate⁹ parts of our lives come from. And I also think that we are either the heroes or the victims of our own narratives¹⁰ at any point in our years or even at any point in the day.

MCCAMMON: And how did you get these women? I mean, you say these are the women that would open up to you. And they really do in this book. I mean, they tell you granular details of their sexual and emotional lives. How did you get them to share that much with you?

TADDEO: There's an element to people just wanting to be listened to about their lives. And each of them had, you know, communities that weren't listening at all. Maggie, in specific, had an entire community basically, you know, not believe - not even not believe her - just not listen. And Lina's was - she knew that despite all of these parts of her life that were so difficult to live through, you know, her impending¹¹ affair that she was going to have after her husband not touching¹² her for a long time and not wanting to kiss her on the mouth anymore and saying that the sensation offended him - she knew that people were going to judge her. And they did. And so I think the element of being unseen and unheard is one of the most painful things that human beings can experience.

MCCAMMON: I want to talk about Maggie more. You tell the story of her relationship. She, again, is an underage high school student. She has a relationship with her teacher, who's in his late 30s. In your book, you describe both these feelings she has for him and sort of her confusion about them and the way it affects her as she gets older. How did you think about that sort of tension between the fact that you hear her wanting this or at least describing wanting this and yet she clearly is just too young to really consent to a relationship like this?

TADDEO: For Maggie, I think that, you know, with this - one, it's the attention of a authority figure - not just that, but someone that she really respects. And, you know, she wasn't - he was telling her, you're smart. You know, you are someone in the world. And she came from a place that didn't exactly do that for her. So that was - you know, she was being exalted¹³ by this person that she so respected. But at the same time, I think that that would've been enough. She just wanted, like, a bouquet¹⁴ left on her doorstep. So I think that where it went from there - that's not what she wanted, even though she didn't really know that at the time.

MCCAMMON: There's a lot of drama. There's a lot of complexity¹⁵. There's a lot of pain, as you've noted¹⁶. What I don't see in this book is sort of a vanilla¹⁷, monogamous, long-term, happy relationship. Does that say anything about those kinds of relationships?

TADDEO: Sloane's relationship is genuinely a really happy marriage. I mean, of course, there's some confusion there. And because it's aberrance¹⁸, I think that it's not easy for people to see that it's a happy marriage. But, you know, she had said to me multiple times - and, you know, that her husband comes up behind her when she's looking in the mirror. And he's like, you are the most beautiful woman in the world. You are my fantasy. And I think that there's so much power in that, especially with getting older and all of those things - the idea that this person is just in love with you. And maybe he likes to, you know, do other things in the bed. But ultimately, she says, I know that my husband wants me above all other things. And there's a lot of stuff that happens that is not vanilla, as you said. But at the same time, I know that she is happy. And I think her marriage is truly a happy one.

MCCAMMON: These are all, of course, distinct women, but was there a throughline - was there some big takeaway, some insight you gained about the way women experience sexual desire?

TADDEO: You know, women experience it. I believe, and it's what I've, you know, observed by talking to, you know, hundreds of people that, you know, we experience desire in a very complex way. We don't compartmentalize it. It sort of lives at the top of our brains at every moment. And, you know, along with that, it's - you know, men for centuries have had their desire. You know, it's not - it's just a - it's a fact of life, whereas women's is not considered that. There's the Madonna and the whore aspect. There's still so much judgment¹⁹. And I hope that by showing these windows into three people that other people will feel more comfortable sharing their own stories and less shame because there's a sort of guidebook the way that Maggie does not have a guidebook for. Like, she's a social worker now. And she is giving other women the guidebook for what she did not have.

MCCAMMON: Lisa Taddeo's new book is "Three Women." Thank you.

TADDEO: Thank you for having me.

1 reticence   

n.沉默，含蓄

参考例句：

• He breaks out of his normal reticence and tells me the whole story.他打破了平时一贯沈默寡言的习惯，把事情原原本本都告诉了我。
• He always displays a certain reticence in discussing personal matters.他在谈论个人问题时总显得有些保留。

2 nuance   

n.(意义、意见、颜色)细微差别

参考例句：

• These users will easily learn each nuance of the applications they use.这些用户会很快了解他们所使用程序的每一细微差别。
• I wish I hadn't become so conscious of every little nuance.我希望我不要变得这样去思索一切琐碎之事。

3 intersection   

n.交集，十字路口，交叉点；[计算机] 交集

参考例句：

• There is a stop sign at an intersection.在交叉路口处有停车标志。
• Bridges are used to avoid the intersection of a railway and a highway.桥用来避免铁路和公路直接交叉。

4 taboo   

n.禁忌，禁止接近，禁止使用；adj.禁忌的；v.禁忌，禁制，禁止

参考例句：

• The rude words are taboo in ordinary conversation.这些粗野的字眼在日常谈话中是禁忌的。
• Is there a taboo against sex before marriage in your society?在你们的社会里，婚前的性行为犯禁吗？

5 intentionally   

ad.故意地，有意地

参考例句：

• I didn't say it intentionally. 我是无心说的。
• The local authority ruled that he had made himself intentionally homeless and was therefore not entitled to be rehoused. 当地政府裁定他是有意居无定所，因此没有资格再获得提供住房。

6 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

7 genders   

n.性某些语言的（阳性、阴性和中性，不同的性有不同的词尾等）( gender的名词复数 )；性别；某些语言的（名词、代词和形容词）性的区分

参考例句：

• There are three genders in German: masculine, feminine and neuter. 德语中有叁性：阳性、阴性和中性。 来自辞典例句
• Japan was fourth among the genders of foreign students. 日本在二十个留美学生输送地中列第四位。 来自互联网

8 orientations   

n.方向( orientation的名词复数 )；定位；（任职等前的）培训；环境判定

参考例句：

• Welfare comparisons are also hindered by differences in orientations among economic systems. 经济制度之间倾向性的差别也会妨碍福利的比较。 来自辞典例句
• Their different value orientations led to different results in literary creation. 价值取向的分野亦导致了不同的创作局面。 来自互联网

9 passionate   

adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的

参考例句：

• He is said to be the most passionate man.据说他是最有激情的人。
• He is very passionate about the project.他对那个项目非常热心。

10 narratives   

记叙文( narrative的名词复数 )； 故事； 叙述； 叙述部分

参考例句：

• Marriage, which has been the bourne of so many narratives, is still a great beginning. 结婚一向是许多小说的终点，然而也是一个伟大的开始。
• This is one of the narratives that children are fond of. 这是孩子们喜欢的故事之一。

11 impending   

a.imminent, about to come or happen

参考例句：

• Against a background of impending famine, heavy fighting took place. 即将发生饥荒之时，严重的战乱爆发了。
• The king convoke parliament to cope with the impending danger. 国王召开国会以应付迫近眉睫的危险。

12 touching   

adj.动人的，使人感伤的

参考例句：

• It was a touching sight.这是一幅动人的景象。
• His letter was touching.他的信很感人。

13 exalted   

adj.(地位等)高的，崇高的；尊贵的，高尚的

参考例句：

• Their loveliness and holiness in accordance with their exalted station.他们的美丽和圣洁也与他们的崇高地位相称。
• He received respect because he was a person of exalted rank.他因为是个地位崇高的人而受到尊敬。

14 bouquet   

n.花束，酒香

参考例句：

• This wine has a rich bouquet.这种葡萄酒有浓郁的香气。
• Her wedding bouquet consisted of roses and ivy.她的婚礼花篮包括玫瑰和长春藤。

15 complexity   

n.复杂(性)，复杂的事物

参考例句：

• Only now did he understand the full complexity of the problem.直到现在他才明白这一问题的全部复杂性。
• The complexity of the road map puzzled me.错综复杂的公路图把我搞糊涂了。

16 noted   

adj.著名的，知名的

参考例句：

• The local hotel is noted for its good table.当地的那家酒店以餐食精美而著称。
• Jim is noted for arriving late for work.吉姆上班迟到出了名。

17 vanilla   

n.香子兰，香草

参考例句：

• He used to love milk flavoured with vanilla.他过去常爱喝带香草味的牛奶。
• I added a dollop of vanilla ice-cream to the pie.我在馅饼里加了一块香草冰激凌。

18 aberrance   

反常，异常，畸变

参考例句：

• If there has beensome aberrance, what it looks like today? 如果发生了变异，事实上又变成了什么样的制度？
• Aberrance of the Chromosomal in 20 patients(3.7% in 545 patients). 染色体变异共20例，占3.7%。

19 judgment   

n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见

参考例句：

• The chairman flatters himself on his judgment of people.主席自认为他审视人比别人高明。
• He's a man of excellent judgment.他眼力过人。