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散文:THE LIBRARY CARD

时间:2009-03-28 03:39来源:互联网 提供网友:龙xing天下   字体: [ ]
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As a black boy growing up in America in the early 1900s, Richard Wright knew well the meaning of racial prejudice. He was not allowed to play in a park or borrow books from a library. While working as an office boy in a bank, though, he found a way into the library and discovered the power of the written word. In the following story, Richard Wright tells us how his thirst for books grew with each passing day and what changes took place in him as he did more and more reading.


THE LIBRARY CARD


Richard Wright


One morning I arrived early at work and went into the bank lobby where the Negro porter was mopping. I stood at a counter and picked up the Memphis Commercial Appeal and began my free reading of the press. I came finally to the editorial page and saw an article dealing1 with one H. L. Mencken. I knew by hearsay2 that he was the editor of the American Mercury, but aside from that I knew nothing about him. The article was a furious denunciation of Mencken, concluding with one, hot, short sentence: Mencken is a fool.


I wondered what on earth this Mencken had done to call down upon him the scorn of the South. The only people I had ever heard enounced in the South were Negroes, and this man was not a Negro. Then what ideas did Mencken hold that made a newspaper like the Commercial Appeal castigate3 him publicly? Undoubtedly4 he must be advocating ideas that the South did not like.


Now, how could I find out about this Mencken? There was a huge library near the riverfront, but I knew that Negroes were not allowed to patronize its shelves any more than they were the parks and playgrounds of the city. I had gone into the library several times to get books for the white men on the job. Which of them would now help me to get books?


I weighed the personalities5 of the men on the job. There was Don, a Jew; but I distrusted him. His position was not much better than mine and I knew that he was uneasy and insecure; he had always treated me in an offhand6, bantering7 way that barely concealed8 his contempt. I was afraid to ask him to help me to get books; his frantic9 desire to demonstrate a racial solidarity11 with the whites against Negroes might make him betray me.


Then how about the boss? No, he was a Baptist and I had the suspicion that he would not be quite able to comprehend why a black boy would want to read Mencken. There were other white men on the job whose attitudes showed clearly that they were Kluxers or sympathizers, and they were out of the question.


There remained only one man whose attitude did not fit into an anti-Negro category, for I had heard the white men refer to him as "Pope lover". He was an Irish Catholic and was hated by the white Southerners. I knew that he read books, because I had got him volumes from the library several times. Since he, too, was an object of hatred12, I felt that he might refuse me but would hardly betray me. I hesitated, weighing and balancing the imponderable realities.


One morning I paused before the Catholic fellow's desk.


"I want to ask you a favor," I whispered to him.


"What is it?"


"I want to read. I can't get books from the library. I wonder if you'd let me use your card?"


He looked at me suspiciously.


"My card is full most of the time," he said.


"I see," I said and waited, posing my question silently.


"You're not trying to get me into trouble, are you, boy?" he asked, staring at me.


"Oh, no, sir."


"What book do you want?"


"A book by H. L. Mencken."


"Which one?"


"I don't know. Has he written more than one?"


"He has written several."


"I didn't know that."


"What makes you want to read Mencken?"


"Oh, I just saw his name in the newspaper," I said.


"It's good of you to want to read," he said. "But you ought to read the right things."


I said nothing. Would he want to supervise my reading?


"Let me think," he said. "I'll figure out something."


I turned from him and he called me back. He stared at me quizzically.


"Richard, don't mention his to the other white men," he said.


"I understand," I said. "I won't say a word."


A few days later he called me to him.


"I've got a card in my wife's name," he said. "Here's mine."


"Thank you, sir."


"Do you think you can manage it?"


"I'll manage fine," I said.


"If they suspect you, you'll get in trouble," he said.


"I'll write the same kind of notes to the library that you wrote when you sent me for books," I told him. "I'll sign your name."


He laughed.


"Go ahead. Let me see what you get," he said.


That afternoon I addressed myself to forging a note. Now, what were the name of books written by H. L. Mencken? I did not know any of them. I finally wrote what I thought would be a foolproof note: Dear Madam: Will you please let this nigger boy -- I used the word "nigger" to make the librarian feel that I could not possibly be the author of the note -- have some books by H.L. Mecken? I forged the white man's name.


I entered the library as I had always done when on errands for whites, but I felt that I would somehow slip up and betray myself. I doffed13 my hat, stood a respectful distance from the desk, looked as unbookish as possible, and waited for the white patrons to be taken care of. When the desk was clear of people, I still waited.


The white librarian looked at me.


"What do you want, boy?"


As though I did not possess the power of speech, I stepped forward and simply handed her the forged note, not parting my lips.


"What books by Mencken does he want?" She asked.


"I don't know, ma'am," I said, avoiding her eyes.


"Who gave you this card?"


"Mr. Falk," I said.


"Where is he?"


"He's at work, at M -- Optical Company," I said. "I've been in here for him before."


"I remember," the woman said. "But he never wrote notes like this."


Oh, God, she's suspicious. Perhaps she would not let me have the books? If she had turned her back at that moment, I would have ducked out the door and never gone back. Then I thought of a bold idea.


"You can call him up, ma'am," I said, my heart pounding.


"You're not using these books, are you?" she asked pointedly14.


"Oh, no, ma'am. I can't read."


"I don't know what he wants by Mencken," she said under her breath.


I knew now that I had non; she was thinking of other things and the race question had gone out of her mind. She went to the shelves. Once or twice she looked over her shoulder at me, as though she was still doubtful. Finally she came forward with two books in her hand.


"I'm sending him two books," she said. "But tell Mr. Falk to come in next time, or send me the names of the books he wants. I don't know what he wants to read."


I said nothing. She stamped the card and handed me the books. Not daring to glance at them. I went out of the library, fearing that the woman would call me back for further questioning. A block away from the library I opened one of the books and read a title: A Book of Prefaces. I was nearing my nineteenth birthday and I did not know how to pronounce the word "preface". I thumbed the pages and saw strange words and strange names. I shook my head, disappointed. I looked at the other book; it was called Prejudices, I knew what that word meant; I had heard it all my life. And right off I was on guard against Mencken's books. Why would a man want to call a book Prejudices? The word was so stained with all my memories of racial hate that I cold not conceive of anybody using it for a title. Perhaps I had made a mistake about Mencken? A man who had prejudices must be wrong.


When I showed the books to Mr. Falk, he looked at me and frowned.


"That librarian might telephone you," I warned him.


"That's all right," he said. "But when you're through reading those books, I want you to tell me what you get out of them."


That night in my rented room, while letting the hot water run over my can of pork and beans in the sink, I opened A Book of Preface and began to read. I was jarred and shocked by the style, the clear, clean, sweeping15 sentences. Why did he write like that? And how did one write like that? I pictured the man as a raging demon10, slashing16 with his pen, consumed with hate, denouncing everything American, extolling17 everything European or German, laughing at the weaknesses of people, mocking God, authority. What was this? I stood up, trying to realize what reality lay behind the meaning of the words … Yes, this man was fighting, fighting with words. He was using words as a weapon, using them as one would use a club. Could words be weapons? Well, yes, for there they were. Then, maybe, perhaps, I could use them as a weapon? No. It frightened me. I read on and what amazed me was not what he said, but how on earth anybody had the courage to say it.


I ran across many words whose meanings I did not know, and either looked them up in a dictionary or, before I had a chance to do that, encountered the word in a context that made its meaning clear. But what strange world was this? I concluded the book with the conviction that I had somehow overlooked something terribly important in life. I had once tried to write, had once reveled in feeling, had let my crude imagination roam, but the impulse to dream had been slowly beaten out of me by experience. Now it surged up again and I hungered for books, new ways of looking and seeing. It was not a matter of believing or disbelieving what I read, but of feeling something new, of being affected18 by something that made the look of the world different.


I forget more notes and my trips to the library became frequent. Reading grew into a passion. My first serious novel was Sinclair Lewis's Main Street. It made me see my boss, Mr. Gerald, and identify him as an American type. I would smile when I saw him lugging19 his golf bags into the office. I had always felt a vast distance separating me from the boss, and now I felt closer to him, though still distant. I felt now that I knew him, that I could feel the very limits of his narrow life. And this had happened because I had read a novel about a mythical20 man called George F. Babbitt.


I read Dreiser's Jennie Gerhardt and Sister Carrie and they revived in me a vivid sense of my mother's suffering; I was overwhelmed. I grew silent, wondering about the life around me. It would have been impossible for me to have told anyone what I derived21 from these novels, for it was nothing less than a sense of life itself. All my life had shaped me for the realism, the naturalism of the modern novel, and I could not read enough of them.


Steeped in new moods and ideas, I bought a ream of paper and tried to write; but nothing would come, or what did come was flat beyond telling. I discovered that more than desire and felling were necessary to write and I dropped the idea. Yet I still wondered how it was possible to know people sufficiently22 to write about them? Could I ever learn about life and people? To me, with my vast ignorance, my Jim Crow station in life, it seemed a task impossible of achievement. I now knew what being a Negro meant. I could endure the hunger. I had learned to live with hate. But to feel that there were feelings denied me, that the very breath of life itself was beyond my reach, that more than anything else hurt, wounded me. I had a new hunger.


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 dealing NvjzWP     
n.经商方法,待人态度
参考例句:
  • This store has an excellent reputation for fair dealing.该商店因买卖公道而享有极高的声誉。
  • His fair dealing earned our confidence.他的诚实的行为获得我们的信任。
2 hearsay 4QTzB     
n.谣传,风闻
参考例句:
  • They started to piece the story together from hearsay.他们开始根据传闻把事情的经过一点点拼湊起来。
  • You are only supposing this on hearsay.You have no proof.你只是根据传闻想像而已,并没有证据。
3 castigate ncDyH     
v.谴责;惩治
参考例句:
  • The principal castigate the student who have insult their teacher.校长谴责对老师不敬的学生。
  • Marx never lost an opportunity to castigate colonialism.马克思抓住每一个机会严厉谴责殖民主义。
4 undoubtedly Mfjz6l     
adv.确实地,无疑地
参考例句:
  • It is undoubtedly she who has said that.这话明明是她说的。
  • He is undoubtedly the pride of China.毫无疑问他是中国的骄傲。
5 personalities ylOzsg     
n. 诽谤,(对某人容貌、性格等所进行的)人身攻击; 人身攻击;人格, 个性, 名人( personality的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • There seemed to be a degree of personalities in her remarks.她话里有些人身攻击的成分。
  • Personalities are not in good taste in general conversation.在一般的谈话中诽谤他人是不高尚的。
6 offhand IIUxa     
adj.临时,无准备的;随便,马虎的
参考例句:
  • I can't answer your request offhand.我不能随便答复你的要求。
  • I wouldn't want to say what I thought about it offhand.我不愿意随便说我关于这事的想法。
7 bantering Iycz20     
adj.嘲弄的v.开玩笑,说笑,逗乐( banter的现在分词 );(善意地)取笑,逗弄
参考例句:
  • There was a friendly, bantering tone in his voice. 他的声音里流露着友好诙谐的语调。
  • The students enjoyed their teacher's bantering them about their mistakes. 同学们对老师用风趣的方式讲解他们的错误很感兴趣。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
8 concealed 0v3zxG     
a.隐藏的,隐蔽的
参考例句:
  • The paintings were concealed beneath a thick layer of plaster. 那些画被隐藏在厚厚的灰泥层下面。
  • I think he had a gun concealed about his person. 我认为他当时身上藏有一支枪。
9 frantic Jfyzr     
adj.狂乱的,错乱的,激昂的
参考例句:
  • I've had a frantic rush to get my work done.我急急忙忙地赶完工作。
  • He made frantic dash for the departing train.他发疯似地冲向正开出的火车。
10 demon Wmdyj     
n.魔鬼,恶魔
参考例句:
  • The demon of greed ruined the miser's happiness.贪得无厌的恶习毁掉了那个守财奴的幸福。
  • He has been possessed by the demon of disease for years.他多年来病魔缠身。
11 solidarity ww9wa     
n.团结;休戚相关
参考例句:
  • They must preserve their solidarity.他们必须维护他们的团结。
  • The solidarity among China's various nationalities is as firm as a rock.中国各族人民之间的团结坚如磐石。
12 hatred T5Gyg     
n.憎恶,憎恨,仇恨
参考例句:
  • He looked at me with hatred in his eyes.他以憎恨的眼光望着我。
  • The old man was seized with burning hatred for the fascists.老人对法西斯主义者充满了仇恨。
13 doffed ffa13647926d286847d70509f86d0f85     
v.脱去,(尤指)脱帽( doff的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He doffed his hat. 他脱掉帽子。 来自互联网
  • The teacher is forced to help her pull next pulling again mouth, unlock button, doffed jacket. 老师只好再帮她拉下拉口,解开扣子,将外套脱了下来。 来自互联网
14 pointedly JlTzBc     
adv.尖地,明显地
参考例句:
  • She yawned and looked pointedly at her watch. 她打了个哈欠,又刻意地看了看手表。
  • The demand for an apology was pointedly refused. 让对方道歉的要求遭到了断然拒绝。 来自《简明英汉词典》
15 sweeping ihCzZ4     
adj.范围广大的,一扫无遗的
参考例句:
  • The citizens voted for sweeping reforms.公民投票支持全面的改革。
  • Can you hear the wind sweeping through the branches?你能听到风掠过树枝的声音吗?
16 slashing dfc956bca8fba6bcb04372bf8fc09010     
adj.尖锐的;苛刻的;鲜明的;乱砍的v.挥砍( slash的现在分词 );鞭打;割破;削减
参考例句:
  • Slashing is the first process in which liquid treatment is involved. 浆纱是液处理的第一过程。 来自辞典例句
  • He stopped slashing his horse. 他住了手,不去鞭打他的马了。 来自辞典例句
17 extolling 30ef9750218039dffb7af4095a8b30ed     
v.赞美( extoll的现在分词 );赞颂,赞扬,赞美( extol的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • He never stops extolling the virtues of the free market. 他不停地颂扬自由市场的种种好处。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • They kept extolling my managerial skills. 他们不停地赞美我的管理技能。 来自辞典例句
18 affected TzUzg0     
adj.不自然的,假装的
参考例句:
  • She showed an affected interest in our subject.她假装对我们的课题感到兴趣。
  • His manners are affected.他的态度不自然。
19 lugging cce6bbbcf49c333a48fe60698d0047ab     
超载运转能力
参考例句:
  • I would smile when I saw him lugging his golf bags into the office. 看到他把高尔夫球袋拖进办公室,我就笑一笑。 来自辞典例句
  • As a general guide, S$1 should be adequate for baggage-lugging service. 一般的准则是,如有人帮你搬运行李,给一新元就够了。 来自互联网
20 mythical 4FrxJ     
adj.神话的;虚构的;想像的
参考例句:
  • Undeniably,he is a man of mythical status.不可否认,他是一个神话般的人物。
  • Their wealth is merely mythical.他们的财富完全是虚构的。
21 derived 6cddb7353e699051a384686b6b3ff1e2     
vi.起源;由来;衍生;导出v.得到( derive的过去式和过去分词 );(从…中)得到获得;源于;(从…中)提取
参考例句:
  • Many English words are derived from Latin and Greek. 英语很多词源出于拉丁文和希腊文。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He derived his enthusiasm for literature from his father. 他对文学的爱好是受他父亲的影响。 来自《简明英汉词典》
22 sufficiently 0htzMB     
adv.足够地,充分地
参考例句:
  • It turned out he had not insured the house sufficiently.原来他没有给房屋投足保险。
  • The new policy was sufficiently elastic to accommodate both views.新政策充分灵活地适用两种观点。
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