【英语语言学习】关于婚姻你所不知道的事情

Every year in the United States alone, 2,077,000 couples make a legal and spiritual decision to spend the rest of their lives together ... (Laughter) and not to have sex with anyone else, ever. He buys a ring, she buys a dress. They go shopping for all sorts of things. She takes him to Arthur Murray for ballroom¹ dancing lessons. And the big day comes. And they'll stand before God and family and some guy her dad once did business with, and they'll vow² that nothing, not abject³ poverty, not life-threatening illness, not complete and utter misery⁴ will ever put the tiniest damper on their eternal love and devotion.

 

(Laughter)

 

These optimistic young bastards⁶ promise to honor and cherish each other through hot flashes and mid-life crises and a cumulative⁷ 50-lb. weight gain, until that far-off day when one of them is finally able to rest in peace. You know, because they can't hear the snoring anymore. And then they'll get stupid drunk and smash cake in each others' faces and do the "Macarena," and we'll be there showering them with towels and toasters and drinking their free booze and throwing birdseed at them every single time -- even though we know, statistically⁸, half of them will be divorced within a decade.

 

(Laughter)

 

Of course, the other half won't, right? They'll keep forgetting anniversaries and arguing about where to spend holidays and debating which way the toilet paper should come off of the roll. And some of them will even still be enjoying each others' company when neither of them can chew solid food anymore.

 

And researchers want to know why. I mean, look, it doesn't take a double-blind, placebo-controlled study to figure out what makes a marriage not work. Disrespect, boredom⁹, too much time on Facebook, having sex with other people. But you can have the exact opposite of all of those things -- respect, excitement, a broken Internet connection, mind-numbing monogamy -- and the thing still can go to hell in a hand basket. So what's going on when it doesn't? What do the folks who make it all the way to side-by-side burial plots have in common? What are they doing right? What can we learn from them? And if you're still happily sleeping solo, why should you stop what you're doing and make it your life's work to find that one special person that you can annoy for the rest of your life?

 

Well researchers spend billions of your tax dollars trying to figure that out. They stalk blissful couples and they study their every move and mannerism¹¹. And they try to pinpoint¹² what it is that sets them apart from their miserable¹³ neighbors and friends. And it turns out, the success stories share a few similarities, actually, beyond they don't have sex with other people.

 

For instance, in the happiest marriages, the wife is thinner and better looking than the husband. (Laughter) Obvious, right. It's obvious that this leads to marital¹⁴ bliss¹⁰ because, women, we care a great deal about being thin and good looking, whereas men mostly care about sex ... ideally with women who are thinner and better looking than they are. The beauty of this research though is that no one is suggesting that women have to be thin to be happy; we just have to be thinner than our partners. So instead of all that laborious¹⁵ dieting and exercising, we just need to wait for them to get fat, maybe bake a few pies. This is good information to have, and it's not that complicated.

 

Research also suggests that the happiest couples are the ones that focus on the positives. For example, the happy wife. Instead of pointing out her husband's growing gut¹⁶ or suggesting he go for a run, she might say, "Wow, honey, thank you for going out of your way to make me relatively¹⁷ thinner." These are couples who can find good in any situation. "Yeah, it was devastating¹⁸ when we lost everything in that fire, but it's kind of nice sleeping out here under the stars, and it's a good thing you've got all that body fat to keep us warm."

 

One of my favorite studies found that the more willing a husband is to do house work, the more attractive his wife will find him. Because we needed a study to tell us this. But here's what's going on here. The more attractive she finds him, the more sex they have; the more sex they have, the nicer he is to her; the nicer he is to her, the less she nags¹⁹ him about leaving wet towels on the bed -- and ultimately, they live happily ever after. In other words, men, you might want to pick it up a notch²⁰ in the domestic department.

 

Here's an interesting one. One study found that people who smile in childhood photographs are less likely to get a divorce. This is an actual study, and let me clarify. The researchers were not looking at documented self-reports of childhood happiness or even studying old journals. The data were based entirely²¹ on whether people looked happy in these early pictures. Now I don't know how old all of you are, but when I was a kid, your parents took pictures with a special kind of camera that held something called film, and, by God, film was expensive. They didn't take 300 shots of you in that rapid-fire digital video mode and then pick out the nicest, smileyest one for the Christmas card. Oh no. They dressed you up, they lined you up, and you smiled for the fucking camera like they told you to or you could kiss your birthday party goodbye. But still, I have a huge pile of fake happy childhood pictures and I'm glad they make me less likely than some people to get a divorce.

 

So what else can you do to safeguard your marriage? Do not win an Oscar for best actress. (Laughter) I'm serious. Bettie Davis, Joan Crawford, Hallie Berry, Hillary Swank, Sandra Bullock, Reese Witherspoon, all of them single soon after taking home that statue. They actually call it the Oscar curse. It is the marriage kiss of death and something that should be avoided.

 

And it's not just successfully starring in films that's dangerous. It turns out, merely watching a romantic comedy causes relationship satisfaction to plummet²². (Laughter) Apparently²³, the bitter realization²⁴ that maybe it could happen to us, but it obviously hasn't and it probably never will, makes our lives seem unbearably²⁵ grim in comparison. And theoretically, I suppose if we opt⁵ for a film where someone gets brutally²⁶ murdered or dies in a fiery²⁷ car crash, we are more likely to walk out of that theater feeling like we've got it pretty good.

 

Drinking alcohol, it seems, is bad for your marriage. Yeah. I can't tell you anymore about that one because I stopped reading it at the headline. But here's a scary one: Divorce is contagious²⁸. That's right -- when you have a close couple friend split up, it increases your chances of getting a divorce by 75 percent. Now I have to say, I don't get this one at all. My husband and I have watched quite a few friends divide their assets and then struggle with being our age and single in an age of sexting and Viagra and eHarmony. And I'm thinking they've done more for my marriage than a lifetime of therapy ever could.

 

So now you may be wondering, why does anyone get married ever? Well the U.S. federal government counts more than a thousand legal benefits to being someone's spouse²⁹ -- a list that includes visitation rights in jail, but hopefully you'll never need that one. But beyond the profound federal perks³⁰, married people make more money. We're healthier, physically³¹ and emotionally. We produce happier, more stable and more successful kids. We have more sex than our supposedly swinging single friends -- believe it or not. We even live longer, which is a pretty compelling argument for marrying someone you like a lot in the first place.

 

Now if you're not currently experiencing the joy of the joint³² tax return, I can't tell you how to find a chore-loving person of the approximately ideal size and attractiveness who prefers horror movies and doesn't have a lot of friends hovering³³ on the brink³⁴ of divorce, but I can only encourage you to try, because the benefits, as I've pointed³⁵ out, are significant. The bottom line is, whether you're in it or you're searching for it, I believe marriage is an institution worth pursuing and protecting. So I hope you'll use the information I've given you today to weigh your personal strengths against your own risk factors.

 

For instance, in my marriage, I'd say I'm doing okay. One the one hand, I have a husband who's annoyingly lean and incredibly handsome. So I'm obviously going to need fatten³⁶ him up. And like I said, we have those divorced friends who may secretly or subconsciously³⁷ be trying to break us up. So we have to keep an eye on that. And we do like a cocktail³⁸ or two. On the other hand, I have the fake happy picture thing. And also, my husband does a lot around the house, and would happily never see another romantic comedy as long as he lives.

 

So I've got all those things going for me. But just in case, I plan to work extra hard to not win an Oscar anytime soon. And for the good of your relationships, I would encourage you to do the same. I'll see you at the bar.

1 ballroom   

n.舞厅

参考例句：

• The boss of the ballroom excused them the fee.舞厅老板给他们免费。
• I go ballroom dancing twice a week.我一个星期跳两次交际舞。

2 vow   

n.誓(言)，誓约；v.起誓，立誓

参考例句：

• My parents are under a vow to go to church every Sunday.我父母许愿，每星期日都去做礼拜。
• I am under a vow to drink no wine.我已立誓戒酒。

3 abject   

adj.极可怜的，卑屈的

参考例句：

• This policy has turned out to be an abject failure.这一政策最后以惨败而告终。
• He had been obliged to offer an abject apology to Mr.Alleyne for his impertinence.他不得不低声下气，为他的无礼举动向艾莱恩先生请罪。

4 misery   

n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦

参考例句：

• Business depression usually causes misery among the working class.商业不景气常使工薪阶层受苦。
• He has rescued me from the mire of misery.他把我从苦海里救了出来。

5 opt   

vi.选择，决定做某事

参考例句：

• They opt for more holiday instead of more pay.他们选择了延长假期而不是增加工资。
• Will individual schools be given the right to opt out of the local school authority?各个学校可能有权选择退出地方教育局吗？

6 bastards   

私生子( bastard的名词复数 )； 坏蛋； 讨厌的事物； 麻烦事 （认为别人走运或不幸时说）家伙

参考例句：

• Those bastards don't care a damn about the welfare of the factory! 这批狗养的，不顾大局！ 来自子夜部分
• Let the first bastards to find out be the goddam Germans. 就让那些混账的德国佬去做最先发现的倒霉鬼吧。 来自演讲部分

7 cumulative   

adj.累积的，渐增的

参考例句：

• This drug has a cumulative effect.这种药有渐增的效力。
• The benefits from eating fish are cumulative.吃鱼的好处要长期才能显现。

8 statistically   

ad.根据统计数据来看，从统计学的观点来看

参考例句：

• The sample of building permits is larger and therefore, statistically satisfying. 建筑许可数的样本比较大，所以统计数据更令人满意。
• The results of each test would have to be statistically independent. 每次试验的结果在统计上必须是独立的。

9 boredom   

n.厌烦，厌倦，乏味，无聊

参考例句：

• Unemployment can drive you mad with boredom.失业会让你无聊得发疯。
• A walkman can relieve the boredom of running.跑步时带着随身听就不那么乏味了。

10 bliss   

n.狂喜，福佑，天赐的福

参考例句：

• It's sheer bliss to be able to spend the day in bed.整天都可以躺在床上真是幸福。
• He's in bliss that he's won the Nobel Prize.他非常高兴，因为获得了诺贝尔奖金。

11 mannerism   

n.特殊习惯，怪癖

参考例句：

• He has this irritating mannerism of constantly scratching his nose.他老是挠鼻子，这个习惯真让人不舒服。
• Her British accent is just a mannerism picked up on her visit to London.她的英国口音是她访问伦敦学会的。

12 pinpoint   

vt.准确地确定；用针标出…的精确位置

参考例句：

• It is difficult to pinpoint when water problems of the modern age began.很难准确地指出，现代用水的问题是什么时候出现的。
• I could pinpoint his precise location on a map.我能在地图上指明他的准确位置。

13 miserable   

adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的

参考例句：

• It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他，这是可耻的。
• Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。

14 marital   

adj.婚姻的，夫妻的

参考例句：

• Her son had no marital problems.她的儿子没有婚姻问题。
• I regret getting involved with my daughter's marital problems;all its done is to bring trouble about my ears.我后悔干涉我女儿的婚姻问题, 现在我所做的一切将给我带来无穷的烦恼。

15 laborious   

adj.吃力的，努力的，不流畅

参考例句：

• They had the laborious task of cutting down the huge tree.他们接受了伐大树的艰苦工作。
• Ants and bees are laborious insects.蚂蚁与蜜蜂是勤劳的昆虫。

16 gut   

n.[pl.]胆量；内脏；adj.本能的；vt.取出内脏

参考例句：

• It is not always necessary to gut the fish prior to freezing.冷冻鱼之前并不总是需要先把内脏掏空。
• My immediate gut feeling was to refuse.我本能的直接反应是拒绝。

17 relatively   

adv.比较...地，相对地

参考例句：

• The rabbit is a relatively recent introduction in Australia.兔子是相对较新引入澳大利亚的物种。
• The operation was relatively painless.手术相对来说不痛。

18 devastating   

adj.毁灭性的，令人震惊的，强有力的

参考例句：

• It is the most devastating storm in 20 years.这是20年来破坏性最大的风暴。
• Affairs do have a devastating effect on marriages.婚外情确实会对婚姻造成毁灭性的影响。

19 nags   

n.不断地挑剔或批评（某人）( nag的名词复数 )；不断地烦扰或伤害（某人）；无休止地抱怨；不断指责v.不断地挑剔或批评（某人）( nag的第三人称单数 )；不断地烦扰或伤害（某人）；无休止地抱怨；不断指责

参考例句：

• The trouble nags at her. 那件麻烦事使她苦恼不已。 来自辞典例句
• She nags at her husBand aBout their lack of money. 她抱怨丈夫没钱。 来自互联网

20 notch   

n.(V字形)槽口，缺口，等级

参考例句：

• The peanuts they grow are top-notch.他们种的花生是拔尖的。
• He cut a notch in the stick with a sharp knife.他用利刃在棒上刻了一个凹痕。

21 entirely   

ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。
• His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。

22 plummet   

vi.(价格、水平等)骤然下跌；n.铅坠；重压物

参考例句：

• Mengniu and Yili have seen their shares plummet since the incident broke.自事件发生以来，蒙牛和伊利的股票大幅下跌。
• Even if rice prices were to plummet,other brakes on poverty alleviation remain.就算大米价格下跌，其它阻止导致贫困的因素仍然存在。

23 apparently   

adv.显然地；表面上，似乎

参考例句：

• An apparently blind alley leads suddenly into an open space.山穷水尽，豁然开朗。
• He was apparently much surprised at the news.他对那个消息显然感到十分惊异。

24 realization   

n.实现；认识到，深刻了解

参考例句：

• We shall gladly lend every effort in our power toward its realization.我们将乐意为它的实现而竭尽全力。
• He came to the realization that he would never make a good teacher.他逐渐认识到自己永远不会成为好老师。

25 unbearably   

adv.不能忍受地，无法容忍地；慌

参考例句：

• It was unbearably hot in the car. 汽车里热得难以忍受。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• She found it unbearably painful to speak. 她发现开口说话痛苦得令人难以承受。 来自《简明英汉词典》

26 brutally   

adv.残忍地，野蛮地，冷酷无情地

参考例句：

• The uprising was brutally put down.起义被残酷地镇压下去了。
• A pro-democracy uprising was brutally suppressed.一场争取民主的起义被残酷镇压了。

27 fiery   

adj.燃烧着的，火红的；暴躁的；激烈的

参考例句：

• She has fiery red hair.她有一头火红的头发。
• His fiery speech agitated the crowd.他热情洋溢的讲话激动了群众。

28 contagious   

adj.传染性的，有感染力的

参考例句：

• It's a highly contagious infection.这种病极易传染。
• He's got a contagious laugh.他的笑富有感染力。

29 spouse   

n.配偶(指夫或妻)

参考例句：

• Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday.她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
• What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么？

30 perks   

额外津贴，附带福利，外快( perk的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Perks offered by the firm include a car and free health insurance. 公司给予的额外待遇包括一辆汽车和免费健康保险。
• Are there any perks that go with your job? 你的工作有什么津贴吗？

31 physically   

adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律

参考例句：

• He was out of sorts physically,as well as disordered mentally.他浑身不舒服，心绪也很乱。
• Every time I think about it I feel physically sick.一想起那件事我就感到极恶心。

32 joint   

adj.联合的，共同的；n.关节，接合处；v.连接，贴合

参考例句：

• I had a bad fall,which put my shoulder out of joint.我重重地摔了一跤，肩膀脫臼了。
• We wrote a letter in joint names.我们联名写了封信。

33 hovering   

鸟( hover的现在分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫

参考例句：

• The helicopter was hovering about 100 metres above the pad. 直升机在离发射台一百米的上空盘旋。
• I'm hovering between the concert and the play tonight. 我犹豫不决今晚是听音乐会还是看戏。

34 brink   

n.(悬崖、河流等的)边缘，边沿

参考例句：

• The tree grew on the brink of the cliff.那棵树生长在峭壁的边缘。
• The two countries were poised on the brink of war.这两个国家处于交战的边缘。

35 pointed   

adj.尖的，直截了当的

参考例句：

• He gave me a very sharp pointed pencil.他给我一支削得非常尖的铅笔。
• She wished to show Mrs.John Dashwood by this pointed invitation to her brother.她想通过对达茨伍德夫人提出直截了当的邀请向她的哥哥表示出来。

36 fatten   

v.使肥，变肥

参考例句：

• The new feed can fatten the chicken up quickly enough for market.新饲料能使鸡长得更快，以适应市场需求。
• We keep animals in pens to fatten them.我们把动物关在围栏里把它们养肥。

37 subconsciously   

ad.下意识地，潜意识地

参考例句：

• In choosing a partner we are subconsciously assessing their evolutionary fitness to be a mother of children or father provider and protector. 在选择伴侣的时候，我们会在潜意识里衡量对方将来是否会是称职的母亲或者父亲，是否会是合格的一家之主。
• Lao Yang thought as he subconsciously tightened his grasp on the rifle. 他下意识地攥紧枪把想。 来自汉英文学 - 散文英译

38 cocktail   

n.鸡尾酒；餐前开胃小吃；混合物

参考例句：

• We invited some foreign friends for a cocktail party.我们邀请了一些外国朋友参加鸡尾酒会。
• At a cocktail party in Hollywood,I was introduced to Charlie Chaplin.在好莱坞的一次鸡尾酒会上，人家把我介绍给查理·卓别林。