雅思写作大作文范文评析系列之科技发展

 　　雅思写作大作文范文评析系列之科技发展

        Topic：Nowadays people can carry out tasks such as shopping and banking¹ even business transactions without meeting each other face to face. What are the effects on individuals and society? （学术类2005年，移民类2002年考题）

　　范文：

　　With the wide use of internet, the way people conduct business and live their lives has vastly changed. Many businesses have websites that allow people to conduct business, execute deals and finish transactions online, as an alternative to a lengthy² commute³. Although people are thus free from the constraints⁴ of geography and time, there are some consequences of this trend that demand attention.

　　文章第一句交代题目涉及的社会现象（计算机的普及使用），第二句对题目进行rephrase, 交代本文具体的写作话题，第三句是对下文论述的概括，引出下文。第三句话通常有两种写法，一种是阐明自己的观点，表明自己支持什么观点，本系列的前面两篇文章首段的第三句都是这种写法；另一种写法是不表明自己具体支持哪一方，只是简述下文讨论内容，本文采用的是第二种写法，因为本题属于讨论类题目，暗示考生需要讨论问题的两个方面。

　　Supposedly, with internet access, people are able to perform transactions and to do shopping without leaving home, but meanwhile they have to pay a heavy price for it. One of the most negative aspects is, for instance, that it alters their social behaviors and habits. For many people, to spend part of the day on the internet is quite normal. It can be expected that being addicted⁵ to internet use, most of home telecommuters or internet users will become socially isolated⁶. Poor social life and feelings of loneliness are those problems that are very often found among heavy users.

　　本段论述依赖网络给生活带来的负面影响。由于本段位于论述部分的首段，可见其重要性也是排在前面的。本段用了举例的方法进行论证，使用这种论证方法要选取具有普遍意义的例子，不要选择个体，个体是不备具说服力的。

　　It is also likely that people have become increasingly accustomed to living in a world that appreciates convenience and inactivity and they do not want to evade⁷ those maxims⁸. It gives explanations of why the sedentary lifestyle is now prevailing⁹ and why people spend little time on leisure or recreational activities. Time has been spent in front of the computer or internet. The net result is that they suffer serious loss of vision, back pain and obesity¹⁰. It is true that many people finally end up with struggling with deteriorating¹¹ health.

　　本段继续论述依赖网络带来的负面影响，由It is also likely that…可见其重要性是低于上段的。另外，本段论述的是过分依赖网络给身体健康带来的伤害，前段讲的是给精神健康带来的影响，从逻辑上讲，本段也应该是排在后位的。

　　Despite the negative effects, the internet has its positive implications to the well-being¹² of society. Online shoppers are able to seek out the lowest prices for items or services. Manufactures, therefore, have to improve product quality and lower price levels in an effort to win the favor of consumers and secure a stable market share. Telecommuting-working at home using a computer is a solution to traffic congestion¹³, the urban air pollution and petrol use.

　　本段论述网络带给人们生活的积极影响。任何事物都有两个方面，往往这种要求给出看法的题目需要讨论正反两个方面，如果只讨论一个方面会给评卷人留下“不够客观”的印象，影响作文得分。Despite the negative effects…承上启下，使文章保持连贯。连接词的使用可以使文章增色不少，大家可以尝试在每一个新的段落使用一些连接词。

　　As outlined above, people’s growing obsession¹⁴ with internet use, such as online shopping or banking, has both immediate¹⁵ and long-term impact on health, social environment, lifestyles and emotional well-being. Although it is of great value from a net surfer’s perspective, people should step up efforts to minimize the negative effects.

　　本段是文章结尾段，首句用as outlined above总结全文并开启下文，也是很好的连接成分。第一句对全文的讨论进行总结，第二句针对文章讨论的问题提出建议，使讨论得到升华。

1 banking   

n.银行业，银行学，金融业

参考例句：

• John is launching his son on a career in banking.约翰打算让儿子在银行界谋一个新职位。
• He possesses an extensive knowledge of banking.他具有广博的银行业务知识。

2 lengthy   

adj.漫长的，冗长的

参考例句：

• We devoted a lengthy and full discussion to this topic.我们对这个题目进行了长时间的充分讨论。
• The professor wrote a lengthy book on Napoleon.教授写了一部有关拿破仑的巨著。

3 commute   

vi.乘车上下班；vt.减(刑)；折合；n.上下班交通

参考例句：

• I spend much less time on my commute to work now.我现在工作的往返时间要节省好多。
• Most office workers commute from the suburbs.很多公司的职员都是从郊外来上班的。

4 constraints   

强制( constraint的名词复数 )； 限制； 约束

参考例句：

• Data and constraints can easily be changed to test theories. 信息库中的数据和限制条件可以轻易地改变以检验假设。 来自英汉非文学 - 科学史
• What are the constraints that each of these imply for any design? 这每种产品的要求和约束对于设计意味着什么？ 来自About Face 3交互设计精髓

5 addicted   

adj.沉溺于....的，对...上瘾的

参考例句：

• He was addicted to heroin at the age of 17.他17岁的时候对海洛因上了瘾。
• She's become addicted to love stories.她迷上了爱情小说。

6 isolated   

adj.与世隔绝的

参考例句：

• His bad behaviour was just an isolated incident. 他的不良行为只是个别事件。
• Patients with the disease should be isolated. 这种病的患者应予以隔离。

7 evade   

vt.逃避，回避；避开，躲避

参考例句：

• He tried to evade the embarrassing question.他企图回避这令人难堪的问题。
• You are in charge of the job.How could you evade the issue?你是负责人，你怎么能对这个问题不置可否？

8 maxims   

n.格言，座右铭( maxim的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Courts also draw freely on traditional maxims of construction. 法院也自由吸收传统的解释准则。 来自英汉非文学 - 行政法
• There are variant formulations of some of the maxims. 有些准则有多种表达方式。 来自辞典例句

9 prevailing   

adj.盛行的；占优势的；主要的

参考例句：

• She wears a fashionable hair style prevailing in the city.她的发型是这个城市流行的款式。
• This reflects attitudes and values prevailing in society.这反映了社会上盛行的态度和价值观。

10 obesity   

n.肥胖，肥大

参考例句：

• One effect of overeating may be obesity.吃得过多能导致肥胖。
• Sugar and fat can more easily lead to obesity than some other foods.糖和脂肪比其他食物更容易导致肥胖。

11 deteriorating   

恶化，变坏( deteriorate的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• The weather conditions are deteriorating. 天气变得越来越糟。
• I was well aware of the bad morale and the deteriorating factories. 我很清楚，大家情绪低落，各个工厂越搞越坏。

12 well-being   

n.安康，安乐，幸福

参考例句：

• He always has the well-being of the masses at heart.他总是把群众的疾苦挂在心上。
• My concern for their well-being was misunderstood as interference.我关心他们的幸福，却被误解为多管闲事。

13 congestion   

n.阻塞，消化不良

参考例句：

• The congestion in the city gets even worse during the summer.夏天城市交通阻塞尤为严重。
• Parking near the school causes severe traffic congestion.在学校附近泊车会引起严重的交通堵塞。

14 obsession   

n.困扰，无法摆脱的思想(或情感)

参考例句：

• I was suffering from obsession that my career would be ended.那时的我陷入了我的事业有可能就此终止的困扰当中。
• She would try to forget her obsession with Christopher.她会努力忘记对克里斯托弗的迷恋。

15 immediate   

adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的

参考例句：

• His immediate neighbours felt it their duty to call.他的近邻认为他们有责任去拜访。
• We declared ourselves for the immediate convocation of the meeting.我们主张立即召开这个会议。