雅思写作：大作文5分原因分析

 　　Band 5

　　Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university?

　　What knowledge and skills should universities provide has been argued for many years. Some people think that the true function of universities provide knowledge for their own purpose, but nowadays, more and more people point out that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills according to the workplace.

　　The first reason for universities should provide these knowledge and skill is the students’ needs. Obviously, the most of the students go to university purpose of is to get some knowledge and skills which could make them have the ability to get a job. If a university does not provide these knowledge and skills, the students might not get a job and they would be very disappointed. As a result, the university would lose its students.

　　Moreover, providing knowledge and skills needed in the workplace makes a university progress. The new skills and information always are initiated¹ in the workplace, so focusing on the needs of the workplace the university could get sound strategies to do research and make it more modernization².

　　Lastly, providing these knowledge and skills could benefit our country which usually gives a financial support to universities. Having these knowledge and skills, students are more easy to get a job, and this can make our countries’ economy strong.

　　In conclusion, it can be said that providing the knowledge and skills which the workplace needs is every university’s basic function.

　　只能拿到5分的原因：

　　一、这个题目中有两方的观点：some 及others的，很明显这位考生在后面的论证过程中完全忽视了others的观点,都在一味地论证some 的观点的正确性，于是考官给出的评语是：it does not address all parts of the question.

　　写作建议NO.3：Do not neglect any part, or you will regret your mark.

　　不要忽视任何东西，否则你的分数会让你很伤心。

　　二、这位考生在连接词和复杂句型上都表现得不错，可是他太偷懒了，knowledge and skill这个词组一共用了9次，这种高频率的repetition让这位考生付出了比较惨重的代价，所以看者希望你们能够汲取这样的教训，多注意Paraphrase的练习。尤其是常考的考试主题所可能涉及到的高频单词更是要做好homework. knowledge and skill就属于top 3 的高频考题的教育类，所以这类的词汇一定是多多准备才对，如 expertise³, conversance⁴, instruction, competence⁵, aptitude⁶, technique, prowess, dexterity⁷ 都可以拿来替换这两个词。

　　写作建议NO.4：Paraphrase helps you parachute into a higher band.

　　改写能助你拿到高分。

 

1 initiated   

n. 创始人 adj. 新加入的 vt. 开始，创始，启蒙，介绍加入

参考例句：

• He has not yet been thoroughly initiated into the mysteries of computers. 他对计算机的奥秘尚未入门。
• The artist initiated the girl into the art world in France. 这个艺术家介绍这个女孩加入巴黎艺术界。

2 modernization   

n.现代化，现代化的事物

参考例句：

• This will help us achieve modernization.这有助于我们实现现代化。
• The Chinese people are sure to realize the modernization of their country.中国人民必将实现国家现代化。

3 expertise   

n.专门知识(或技能等)，专长

参考例句：

• We were amazed at his expertise on the ski slopes.他斜坡滑雪的技能使我们赞叹不已。
• You really have the technical expertise in a new breakthrough.让你真正在专业技术上有一个全新的突破。

4 conversance   

n.熟悉，精通

参考例句：

5 competence   

n.能力，胜任，称职

参考例句：

• This mess is a poor reflection on his competence.这种混乱情况说明他难当此任。
• These are matters within the competence of the court.这些是法院权限以内的事。

6 aptitude   

n.(学习方面的)才能，资质，天资

参考例句：

• That student has an aptitude for mathematics.那个学生有数学方面的天赋。
• As a child,he showed an aptitude for the piano.在孩提时代，他显露出对于钢琴的天赋。

7 dexterity   

n.(手的)灵巧，灵活

参考例句：

• You need manual dexterity to be good at video games.玩好电子游戏手要灵巧。
• I'm your inferior in manual dexterity.论手巧，我不如你。