如何治疗一颗破碎的心

 　　Break-ups are never easy.  Whether you were “just dating” or married, with or without kids, it hurts when a relationship ends.  To spend time grieving¹ is perfectly² natural and healthy but  there comes a time when your heart yearns³ to be healed.

　　The following 5 steps can help you begin down that path of healing.

　　1. It’s Not About You—Really, It’s Not

　　You know that old saying “it’s not you, it’s me”?  While we usually think of it as a cop-out, a way for someone to spare our feelings, the reality is that it is actually true. People act a certain way, make certain decisions, and choose to life their life a certain way because of their own desires and needs; not because of us.

　　When someone is a jerk⁴, or says something nasty⁵, or leaves you, it is because of something going on inside of them. Please know that I am not excluding the influence of your own behavior that may have precipitated⁶ the break-up, but it comes down to the fact that your ex left because of their reactions and feelings surrounding that event and it may have been the right choice for them.

　　Once a relationship ends, you can’t go back and change things no matter how much you want to, so it’s best to stop beating yourself up about the past. Forgive yourself for your part in the break up, learn lessons from it, and try not to take it personally.  Realize that you are perfect just the way you are and there is someone out there who will agree.

　　2. This Too Shall Pass

　　I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but the pain will go away.

　　Allow yourself to really feel your feelings—wallow in them if you want—and know that they are temporary. Sometimes it’s good to think back to another time in your life where you felt broken, and then realize that it did, indeed, get better.  This will too. If you have faith that these feelings will pass, that you will feel better someday, that day will arrive much sooner.

　　3. Forgive & Pray

　　You may be feeling some very negative emotions towards your ex, such as anger, resentment⁷, and frustration⁸, but harboring these feelings is only hurting one person—you.  In order to save yourself, you need to forgive your ex.  Now, I don’t mean you have to call them up and tell them they are forgiven (although you can if you want to), you just need to forgive them in your heart.

　　I have found that praying for that person helps with being able to forgive them and move on.  Pray for their happiness and continued health and mean it when you say it.  You should feel your anger and resentment getting less and less if you continue this practice. Doing this has the added benefit of showing yourself what a good person you really are.  Hey, you even pray for those that hurt you, so you must be a loving, generous person who deserves love.

　　4. Live Life One Day at a Time

　　Concentrate on today, and focus on the present moment. It’s said that worry is like a rocking chair: it keeps you busy, but doesn’t get you anywhere.  It’s time to stop worrying about the future and notice where you are today. Don’t worry about your sister’s wedding in 6 months and the fact that now you don’t have a date. Don’t worry about what will happen if you see him around town with another girl—just  live for today, the rest will take care of itself. Be present for all the gifts the universe is trying to give you today.

　　5. It’s All About Progress

　　Life is hard: if it wasn’t, we would all be perfect people living in a perfect world. Give yourself kudos⁹ for any and all progress you make, since anytime you are able to move in a forward direction, that is worth celebrating. Keep track of all the progress you have made  by keeping a journal of all your successes.  Then, when you feel that you are going backwards¹⁰, read through it and you will realize just how far you have come.

　　Final Thought

　　Healing your heart is really about healing your whole self, so be sure to take this opportunity to delve¹¹ deeper into who you are and what you want. Start by appreciating the lessons you learned from the past, being present in the here and now, and using your power to create the future you want.

1 grieving   

感到悲痛，伤心( grieve的现在分词 )； 使…伤心

参考例句：

• They are still grieving for their dead child. 他们还在为死去的孩子伤心。
• The news brought no solace to the grieving relations. 这个消息并未给悲痛的家属带来什么安慰。

2 perfectly   

adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
• Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。

3 yearns   

渴望，切盼，向往( yearn的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• Every man yearns for sympathy in sorrow. 每个遇到不幸的人都渴望得到同情。
• What I dread is to get into a rut. One yearns for freshness of thought and ideas. 我害怕的就是墨守成规。人总是向往新思想和新观念的。

4 jerk   

n.（口语）笨蛋，性情古怪的人，急拉，肌肉抽搐；v.痉挛，急拉，急推，急动

参考例句：

• Just keep that jerk off me.让那个笨蛋离开我。
• The knife was stuck but she pulled it out with a jerk.那把刀子被卡住了，她猛地一拔，把它拔了出来。

5 nasty   

adj.令人讨厌的，困难的，恶劣的，下流的

参考例句：

• She got a nasty knock on the head when she fell.她跌倒时头部受到严重碰撞。
• When this material burns，it flings off a nasty smell.这种物质燃烧时发出一股难闻的气味。

6 precipitated   

v.（突如其来地）使发生( precipitate的过去式和过去分词 )；促成；猛然摔下；使沉淀

参考例句：

• His resignation precipitated a leadership crisis. 他的辞职立即引发了领导层的危机。
• He lost his footing and was precipitated to the ground. 他失足摔倒在地上。 来自《简明英汉词典》

7 resentment   

n.怨愤，忿恨

参考例句：

• All her feelings of resentment just came pouring out.她一股脑儿倾吐出所有的怨恨。
• She cherished a deep resentment under the rose towards her employer.她暗中对她的雇主怀恨在心。

8 frustration   

n.挫折，失败，失效，落空

参考例句：

• He had to fight back tears of frustration.他不得不强忍住失意的泪水。
• He beat his hands on the steering wheel in frustration.他沮丧地用手打了几下方向盘。

9 kudos   

n.荣誉，名声

参考例句：

• He received kudos from everyone on his performance.他的表演受到大家的称赞。
• It will acquire no kudos for translating its inner doubts into hesitation.如果由于内心疑虑不安而在行动上举棋不定，是得不到荣誉的。

10 backwards   

adv.往回地，向原处，倒，相反，前后倒置地

参考例句：

• He turned on the light and began to pace backwards and forwards.他打开电灯并开始走来走去。
• All the girls fell over backwards to get the party ready.姑娘们迫不及待地为聚会做准备。

11 delve   

v.深入探究，钻研

参考例句：

• We should not delve too deeply into this painful matter.我们不应该过分深究这件痛苦的事。
• We need to delve more deeply into these questions.这些是我们想进一步了解的。